As I began to separate myself from these toxic relationships I started looking back at how I had learned to interact with the world from the toxic and unsupportive relationships of my family.
I grew up understanding that "love" and "family"...relationships in general meant to be completely open and disclosing everything about myself - with no limits - or risk some sort of lambasting that typically included some form of shaming or guilt for daring to even attempt to have a thought, a feeling or a choice of my own.
I also became very defensive when I was asked questions. In "therapy" this was called being "resistant" as I had an unconscious need and drive to "figure things out" and not be "told what to do".
"Authority complex" to the max for sure and very justified having come from a background where being told what to do and refraining from acting under my own volition was appropriated to being "good enough" and doing things "good enough".
Because nothing was "mine"; I had no personal boundaries and was taught that to want them was a bad thing.
So today I have found that it is ok to share, but I have learned to share what I choose to share when I choose to share it and that there are layers to relationships vs. being an open book to the entire world.
A “Good Thing”. :)
Q: What has your experience been with learning to establish health boundaries in relationships?