Monday, October 31, 2011

When I Woke Up

When I "woke up" from a lifetime of learning to forget and deny the abuse I realized just how much I had to learn in order to live "whole". 

Learning to define my "self", establish my own and respect others healthy boundaries, understanding the difference between helping and enabling...all are parts of the whole picture of a whole self that lives in connection with others vs. dependent on others. 

This is the balance we find in the extremes where we "need" others to be ok and we don't need anyone to be ok. 

Understanding that the journey was about learning how to live by learning to live beyond the past helped me to begin to learn to see that I and no one else could do this for me. 


You can. 

Baby steps:) 

In admiration for your amazing courage,


Monday, October 24, 2011

Letting Go of the Hope

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One of the hardest parts of the healing journey is learning to let go of relationships that we hold so much hope for. 

I'd spent a lifetime struggling to do things "right enough" to finally be "good enough" that others would accept me...that they would finally love me for who I was. That I would have a place to belong. A place where I felt wanted. A family...THE family or friends - that I'd never had but always dreamed of and hoped for. 

I just knew that there was something that I'd done to cause them to not love or want me. If I was prettier. Smarter. When I bought my first a better job. Bought them the right gift, sent them the best card. 

I held onto the hope that if I could just try harder that things would change.

And sometimes they did.

For a minute. 

Learning to let go of the hope and wish that I could somehow change myself that others would love or accept me was almost as hard as actually letting those relationships go. I wanted desperately to "make things work" and it was only when I let this idea go that things began to work - for me.


Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Journey...

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The journey is about learning most often; learning the things that are often not learned in abuse, oppression and family dysfunction where the general rule is often don't think for yourself, don't feel, don't speak about what our reality is. 

We might begin by learning to feel feelings that have been denied or even punished in the original drama and trauma. 

Learning to live in a body that may not have always been your own. 

Learning to remember and be ok. 

Learning to let go of the anger and hatred so we can can begin to live in love and acceptance of ourselves and others. 

Learning is the beginning of discovering the knowledge that can become the truth that will set us free.

In love and gratitude for sharing the journey,


Monday, October 17, 2011

Language to live by 2

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Recently at Empowering Solutions Community page....

Learning to listen to my language helped me to learn to help myself by creating an internal sense of empowerment vs the helplessness that came with viewing the world though the eyes of the victim that I was - but was no longer. Using words like "will" instead of "should" or "won't" instead of "can't" or "helpful or unhelpful" vs bad or wrong became an empowering solution as I began to see options that had otherwise been hidden in my language.

I'd like to invite you to drop by and give a "like" to the Empowering Solutions Community page. You can go there by clicking here:) 

Monday, October 10, 2011

Language to Live by

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Recently at the Empowering Solutions Community page....

Life is not either/or, black/white, all/nothing. Learning to see things as helpful/not helpful vs all good/all bad helped me to heal. I found an empowering solution in understanding that the language I used could help me feel empowered or perpetuate that sense powerlessness where I felt stuck and frozen. Using my words helped me to create the power that would empower me to create the change that changed my life.

You can join the ES community page by giving us a "Like" here....

Monday, October 3, 2011

Trauma is trauma and healing is healing; learning to create my "best life"

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From the Empowering Solutions Community page recently....

Trauma is trauma. It's our stories that are unique. Thus, believing my trauma was worse than or less than someone else's left me hopeless for healing. I found an empowering solution in learning to let go of the details that kept me stuck and using them to find my solution in the emotional healing process of shifting from that rumination where I was the perpetual victim to resolution where I became my own hero.

The similarities of our experiences is how we find support and the sharing of our stories.

But when I was stuck in only telling my story over and over

and over

to others who were simply telling their stories over and over

and over...

I was stuck in my pain and the "symptoms" of the normal emotional and cognitive/mental distress that comes with being a

trauma survivor.

I had sought "therapy" for many many years only to be told that my trauma experiences were so devastating, so extensive, so ingrained into my person that I would never


find healing.

It was when I was able to understand that there was indeed a normal human emotional healing process that was applicable to every single one of my trauma experiences. And while I understood that I would not be who I might have been had I not been traumatized, violated, manipulated, oppressed and abused...


I could be

all I can be today and tomorrow...

and I began to understand that as things came up for me in my healing journey

it was not necessary to heal it


at the same time....

But the task was to know how to heal

at all. 

It was in the going through

that I finally got out of

the pain

the darkness

the misery

that was surviving.

I wanted more.

I wanted to live

and I finally understood that it is



too late.

I discovered that it is completely possible to learn to no longer be that perpetual victim of life

but that I could learn to create

my best life.

From the archives....

There is only one hero.... and its you:)

Be Your Own Hero  An excerpt..."I can never become what I was meant to be when I am looking for what might have been."

Please sit with me and listen "The key is to tell not to those who are naysayers or those who have all the answers. But to sit with one who can sit with both our anger and our joy."

When the student is ready... The gist of this one..."This is that place where I was the student that was ready - and willing to take the action - and my teacher always came."

In love and admiration for your determination to no longer be a victim, live far beyond survival and discover your own

best life. :)


You can join us at the Empowering Solutions Community page for daily bites of brilliance for the journey by clicking here:)