The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

This journey?

The path to our "best life"?

Begins here.

Today.

Right now.

The past sucked.

The task is to learn how to let it go - not "get over it".

How do we do that?

By choosing to "let go" instead of trying to pretend it never happened, didn't hurt and did not affect us. 

By choosing to "let go" instead of holding on as though without our pain we would not exist.

How do we do this? 

We feel and express the ANGER. 

We "let it out" in ways that are safe for us and does not hurt or offend others. We stop expecting others to "help" and we just let it out when it comes up.  

We feel the deep, gut wrenching GRIEF instead of letting it consume us. 

We fall on the floor sobbing and bawling. It would be nice to know someone will comfort us but if we wait for that to move on - some of will be waiting a lifetime. We grieve the sadness of all we lost and will never have. We grieve the losses and let go of the hope that "maybe they will change". We grieve and give our souls time to mourn for as long as we need. 
We CHOOSE to move on and let the past go as we learn to focus on creating the life we want instead of blaming those in our past for the life we have. 

We CHOOSE to learn to let go of the anger and the grief for a moment that we might learn to live for a lifetime.

How often do we do this?

As long as we need to and then maybe longer.

In the beginning it will be often and in time it will be less.

The key is - to just do it and then do it again. 

This is the task of learning to do life differently in order to have a different life. 

This is how we reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

You can do this. 

Is it hard? 

Yes. 

And I am so sorry for your pain. 

Yet it is learning to let it go that it no longer consumes and cripples us. 

I know its hard and I know you can handle it. 

My heart is with you.

Susan 

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™

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Offering Advice - Or Butting In? Two Ways To Use This To Fuel Your Journey

Dysfunction is NOT about the others in our lives who behave badly. Its about what we do in our relationships that contribute to the dysfunction - and learning to do it differently. Today I'd like to explore a topic that was SUCH a big deal for me in my own journey and in the understanding of it - became a truth that set me free. 

Advice that we did not ask for is not advice - it's butting in. 

Setting "boundaries" on this issue is NOT about "making" others stop doing this but about knowing when to make space and keep our distance with those who don't get it. 

In healthy relationships we can say "I really just need/want to be heard and validated when I "share" my struggle with you"; it is not so helpful when you tell me what to do or offer advice I did not ask for". 

In this scene our friend/family will most likely acknowledge that their advice was not helpful; maybe even apologize for being assumptive that we needed "help" we did not ask for. In the future - they will make an effort to respect that "boundary" or "limit" that you have set for yourself.

In an unhealthy relationship this request will most often turn into another drama situation. 

The individual will likely become either aggressive and "turn it back on you" or they will become passive and avoid you - their feelings will be hurt, they may even imply that what you said is responsible for their hurt feelings. 

They may try to shame you for setting this limit and making this request. 

They may become sarcastic and in other circumstances make cutting remarks about "not offending you". 

They will not make any attempt to really respect your request and in time will simply resume assuming they know whats best for you and test to see if you will say anything again. 

They will assume you will not withdraw and if you do they may attack you and try to somehow bully you to return to allowing them to be "in your business". 

If you try to limit what you "share" very often this person will be offended and try to "draw" information from you while not sharing about their own life. 

This information about the difference between functional/dysfunctional relationships empowered me in 2 ways. 

1. To choose the relationships that were healthy and stop investing time in relationships that were not. 

2. To start recognizing this behavior in myself and "owning up" and making "amends" with those I had pushed my own views on and offered "help" that was not asked for on.

 It allowed me to start seeing where I was doing this to others so that I could change this in myself. 

Dysfunction is NOT about the others in our lives that behave badly. Its about what we do in our relationships - and learning to do it differently.

Its easy to focus on what others are doing or not doing that we'd like them to change. 

The challenge is to learn to see what we are doing and what we can change that makes the difference. 

Umhmmmm...

I'm feelin' your pain and watching you gain your own power to change your own life.

From the inside out. 

This - is the Hard Work. 

For more on creating the kind of change that can change our lives....visit this page where you can find more on what that "Hard Work" is about....

You can do this. :) 

Best always,

Susan

Find the Empowering Solutions Fan page on Facebook here - receive the daily notes in your own Facebook stream....Click here to go there. 

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™

 

Complaining

When I started looking inward for my solutions I realized that "complaining" was my immature way of saying "I don't know what to do to fix this problem for myself". 

The empowering solution?

Lie in learning to look for what I could do to set things right for myself instead of what I wanted others to do to make things right FOR me.




Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™

 

Seeking and Searching

Its when we go from searching to doing that we get it done.


I can say this because this was one of my own "Life Lessons".....and a very empowering solution :) 

What one action could you take today that would shift you from seeking and searching to "doing"?



Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™

There Was a Reason

From the Empowering Solutions Facebook page recently...

There was a reason I struggled and suffered and it wasn't because something was "wrong" with me but that I'd been conditioned from early on to tolerate the intolerable; to not resist, to surrender my power, to be compliant and obedient. 

My empowering solution came in the form of learning to recognize that depression, irritability, anger, anxiety and fear were NOT "just how I was" but that this was how I'd learned to cope and survive - by denying my true value and potential, surrendering my power and living in chronic frustration of not liking the way I was being treated yet - not knowing what to do to help myself. 

It was in recognizing that the depression, irritability, anger, anxiety and fear were symptoms of feeling overwhelmed and powerless AND THEN not focusing on "why do I feel so bad" or what others were doing that seemed to be causing me pain...

...but instead in CHOOSING to shift to "what am I feeling powerless over and what can I do about it to change this for myself?" is where I found the power to take the actions that would create the change that changed my life. 

There is nothing "wrong" with us who have struggled and we CAN learn the skills to change our life - "for life".

Really. 


Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™