Susan's Story: Guest Post at Emerging From Broken "Turning Points and Emotional Healing"

Nice to meet you!

Today I've been honored to share part of my story with the readers of Darlene Ouimets blog Emerging From Broken.  Here is an excerpt of today's post  "Turning Points and Emotional Healing"...

"When I finally was able to make peace with the past I could write a new ending to the story and claim what was rightfully mine - me." ~ Susan Smith August 26, 2010


Darlene Ouimet is also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and invited me to share part of my journey and how I was able to find my way through the darkness of childhood trauma and learn to live beyond PTSd, depression and dissociation. 


I'd like to invite you to drop by to Darlene's Blog, Emerging From Broken to read today's post.


In the next post here at A Journey we'll finish up our series about learning to live our own truth with the post "To Thine Own Self Be True"...you can find parts 1 and 2 in this link.



Thank you for choosing to share your journey with me today! 

"Shame on You"

Collage by Susan 2008

"Freedom"

Something to think about today...

"Remorse" is feeling guilty for something I've done or said.

"Shame" on the other hand is feeling guilty for who I am, that I even exist.

Remorse is that thing that indicates that we understand how the things we have said or done have adversely affected someone else's life; remorse leads to a healthy society where we are considerate of others yet are able to separate ourselves from others (being "individual" in an "interdependent" society)

For example - I would feel "remorse" if my behavior of texting while driving resulted in injury to someone else in some way. (Is your car a "No Phone Zone"?)

I would feel bad and then have the motivation to change this behavior.

But "shame" is a whole different thing.

"Shame" would have me prostate on the floor begging for forgiveness or lashing out at others, defending myself and trying laying blame on someone or something else, searching out that I am still "ok" from someone else....

"He.....should have.....did this.....said that.....not my fault....I didn't mean to...."

DISTRAUGHT.

I would be experiencing the overwhelming emotional and cognitive distress that comes with living in

"Shame".

Where my value is defined by people places and things outside of myself.

Where I am apologizing for my very existence and feeling completely hopeless and helpless to feel any different and can easily find myself engaging in self harm behaviors or escaping in avoidance behaviors like addiction or dissociation as I cannot tolerate this innate sense of

worthlessness.

"Shame"

comes from a core belief that I am somehow defective, bad, wrong...that I in myself hold no value, can do nothing "right enough" or "good enough" and

unable to see myself as separate from others requiring validation that I am "ok" because I do not have that sense of intrinsic value that I am inherently "good" enough

just because

I

exist.

And IMHO...

The labels of "mental illness"...

reinforces this for many who seem to be "stuck" in their pain and unable to move forward, to get beyond it as the lens to the world is colored with words like

"disorder" and "disease"

which imply

"wrong"

"not good enough"

"sick"

and fuels hopelessness and dependence in finding value in being defined by others and that someone, somewhere will be able to "fix" me and "make me" feel

worthy

if I can just do what others tell me I need to "do"

right enough.

Practice Practice!

In my journeys around the world of blogging I recently stopped by to visit Anja Merret's post on Missing this very moment - here is the comment I left behind:

"Anja; what a terrific question! It took me a good bit of effort to find the awareness that you speak of - seeing that this moment is a good place and being able to discern the past and future from it. I have found that it takes practice to make that decision to stay in the moment...our thoughts come and go at the speed of lightening but I believe it is possible to learn to be aware that I am following the past or running into the future and stay right where I want to be - in this present moment...."

The question has come up on just how do we begin to "live in the moment"...and while I am not a Buddest monk that has studied for decades the massive subject of enlightenment nor am I a Rhodes scholar with a doctorate in anything other than life.

What I am though is someone who has "been there and done that" in searching for my own answers to my own life dilemma's, including getting over the bump in the road when it comes to worrying about the mysteries the future holds or ruminating over the mistakes I made in the past - whether it was half an hour ago or a decade left in the dust.

And here's the secret: it takes awareness.

Like Anja shares in her post - awareness that my thoughts are again out of control and running to the past or the future at the speed of light - hither and yon at the speed of sound, spinning my brain like a strawberry milkshake in the blender if I'm not careful :-)

And it takes (here's the hard part - no easy answers, sorry guys) - it takes practice.

Practicing being aware of my thoughts and knowing that I am in the norm of the population whose thoughts wonder from Nova Scotcia to England and back again and then a short jaunt to Austrailia before I land back at the ball game where my physical body happens to be planted on the sidelines and - OOPS! How did that guy get on 2nd base already? (see how that works?) *grin* GOTCHA! It takes practice to catch our minds wondering and then reining them back into the moment :-0

So - these are the grand words that I have to share today on the subject of living in the moment and the path I have taken to conquer living in the land of oz where I was present in body...but not "present".....

So heres the deal: girls do it. boys do it. We all let our minds wonder from here to there and back again - the key is to be aware that we are doing it and then choosing to grab the bull by the horns (so to speak) and recognize when we are off lost in the memories of past failures (or success') or floundering in the fears of the future. With a little practice and being mindfully aware of our thoughts that may be wondering about... we can rein ourselves in and seize today!

I live now and only now, and I will do what I want to do this moment and not what I decided was best for me yesterday. - Hugh Prather