Black and white - the Zebra effect

Ok; well I've been thinking a lot about the "how" behind finding my way out of that dark place where I lived for so many years and the "labels" that I accepted and the language that I used that had a huge impact on my state of mind.

In the past I've written about how as I entered the mental health system I took on and accepted the labels given to me in the way of "diagnosis" and "symptoms". I became and lived the labels that were given me. (Click here to see my posts related to "labels")

So whats in a label? It's just words, right?

Remember the nursery rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...?

As a child I tried to believe this, but it was tough because the things that were said to me and about me carved a hole in my being that affected my sense of self and reinforced that sense of hopelessness and shame that something was wrong with me - but I didn't know what that was.

Here is a quote from the work of David Burns about labels:

Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to yourself: "I’m a loser." You might also label yourself "a fool" or "a failure" or "a jerk." Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but "fools," "losers," and "jerks" do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration, and low self-esteem.

You also label others. When someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself: "He’s an S.O.B." Then you feel that the problem is with that person’s "character" or "essence" instead of with their thinking or behavior. You see them as totally bad. This makes you feel hostile and hopeless about improving things and leaves little room for constructive communication.

So part of the idea behind "labels" was learning to recognize that I was using labels in my conversations or accepting labels that others defined for me. Either way - my sense of well being is affected by the labels and words I and others use and I accept.

In the past, if I made a mistake the first thought I would have is "stupid" which served only to reinforce that sense of powerlessness that permeated my being as I could never "do or say anything right".

I also viewed the world through those dark lenses as my first response to a lot of situations had some sort of negative label attached to it. Instead of the first day of the week being Monday - it was "Monday's are awful". Just adding that extra label of "awful" set my mood and created the tone or mindset for the entire day.

On the freeway, a driver who cut me off was a "jerk" instead of a driver who cut me off. It didn't take me long to realize how "road rage" became such an issue :)

These are some pretty simple examples of labels but the idea behind it is that the thoughts I think become the words I speak and sets the pace for my state of mind and the actions or behaviors I choose.

It took time, but with awareness I was able to identify when I was in that place where I was viewing myself, others and the world and circumstances around me as "all good" or "all bad". 

With practice I was able to "see" that I was resorting to that "black and white" thinking that fueled my insecurities and drama that had become my life and relationships. 

And with compassion for myself and the people in my life I began to acknowledge that life really wasn't all-or-nothing or "black and white" - but in time, I began to see how there was at first shades of gray and then muted shades of color in the world. 

...just becoming aware of how I was using labels in my language was the first step to being able to use my language to choose to consciously create the change in my life that would set me free from that place of "black and white" thinking and begin to see the color in my world.