Monday, December 26, 2011

I found a new mirror....

Photo Credit
Our "self" "image" begins from our earliest life experiences, whether we have full recall of those experiences or not.

This is the view we have of ourselves that is "mirrored" back to us and these early experiences shaped our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us.

It is the foundation for how we see ourselves today and is the largest influence on our ability to see ourselves as the creator of our lives - or the perpetual victim of life.

To begin to see myself through a different "mirror" I had to first remove myself from the "mirrors" that told me I was less than, defective, wrong, bad, shameful....

And put myself in front of some mirrors that would reinforce that I was awesome, amazing, articulate, powerful and could create the life I wanted for myself.

The first new mirror?


Choosing to live beyond the pain and damage of the past began with creating a new "self" image to mirror back to myself. 

Then surrounding myself with those who could support the "self" I believed I was...

rather than those who decided who they thought I should be. 

Q: What are the thoughts that run through your mind? For me? It was "stupid" (among other things but for simplicity we''ll use this one).

How did I change that part of how I saw myself - my "self image" about my brilliance? 

Every time it came up in my mind....

I said - often out loud....

F*** off "dad".

Then -  I looked myself in the mirror and told myself that since chaos....

was the beginning of "brilliance"...

then I was a fricking rock star. :-))

Let your  light shine - and kick those thoughts to the curb.

How long does this take?

As long as it takes.

The secret?

Was to never


give up.

To keep going, to get back up when I fell...

and each time I did this 

the lies I was told from the beginning about how "stupid" I was...

lost their power 

and in turn...

I found mine. :) 

Yes - you are enough...

You are amazing...

And you really do have what it takes to be all you can be.

Always in total and complete awe of your brilliance!


Creating big change begins with creating small degrees of consistent change over time…

This is a journey not an event. 

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Peace on Earth, Goodwill To All

When we as individuals are able to shift from holding the anger and hate of those who were the cause of our wounds is when we will begin to live in a world where there is truly peace on earth and goodwill toward all.

We will begin to heal the world as we learn to heal ourselves. 

Somewhere along the way I began to understand that there is a difference between holding those responsible for the way they have hurt me and continuing to blame them for the distress I experience today.

What happened is the past and there was a day I had a thunderbolt...


bells and

whistles moment....

where I realized that by hanging onto my anger instead of going through the pain

the sadness

the disbelief

the grief

the tears

of what I'd survived...

I was still giving my today 

to the those who took my yesterdays.

By continuing to perpetuate the anger

the blaming

the hatred

of those from my past

I was still giving them

my todays.

By continuing to tell the story about what happened to me....

I was avoiding the story about how what happened to me....

affected me.

It was in learning to recognize that in holding onto my justified anger about what happened to me in the past that I became stuck in it. 

It was in learning to experience my anger 

that I found freedom from it.

And this was the beginning of my learning to live in compassion 

for both them

and me.

Keep in mind that forgiving does not mean extending the same credit or opportunity to those who hurt me without remorse. 

But - this is where I set myself free from carrying the burden of the past that I carried...

day after day.

Year after year.

And this was the place where I began to understand that as we begin to become the change we want to see in the world 

that the world will begin to change.

Healing ourselves 

is how the world will heal. 


Happy holidays

May today we each understand that forgiveness is a gift that we give ourselves and is...

the beginning of peace on earth and goodwill to all. 

Always in compassion for your pain - and admiration of your courage.



Fighting Forgiveness Is a post about how I made forgiveness make sense in regards to some really senseless experiences.

A Walk in Compassion  This is a poem I wrote as I realized the power of compassion for myself and that in choosing to let go of the past - I was creating my future.

Making Peace with My Past A post about how I shifted from denying my past affected me to understanding what it took to heal from it.

Accepting Peace This was part of how I came to understand that in order to heal the world - I had to learn to heal myself. There are several links to other posts about the how behind my journey.

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!


Monday, December 19, 2011

This Is Where Well-Being Begins

November 24 2011
Creating a State of Well Being
Its only a  thought and a thought can be changed. ~ Louise Hay

When I first heard things like this I thought "How ridiculous". Healing from trauma is NOT that simple."


Its not....

But it is.

Its not about spending the rest of my life thinking I can't have the life I want because of the past I had.

Its not about avoiding the past...

Forgetting it....

Or dwelling on it.

Learning that we have power over our state of wellness is where well-being begins.

Did you get that?

Learning that we have power over our state of wellness...

Is where well-being


Its about learning how to make the past make sense in our today and that begins with learning to recognize when my today was about my past.

eh, you say?


The journey is not about resolving every incident of my past but about learning to resolve it as it comes up in my today.

Whether my past shows up in flashbacks, ruminations, resentments...

about the past - or the future that will never be BECAUSE of my past...

The change comes not from hanging my hat on that hook...

But in seeing that this is a hook...

And that following it today is giving my now to my past and my future to yesterday.

Learning that I could choose which thoughts to follow...

or not

was key to learning to live beyond the pain...

to learning that I could live free of it

every day.

The past happened.

Rumination is about wishing the past was different. 

Its reliving the pain over

and over

and over.

Resentments are about living the emotion of those experiences


and over

and over.

Learning to live beyond that meant learning to live today

instead of chronically wishing for a different tomorrow

based on a past that I can't change.

Learning to let go of that?

Meant finally learning to resolve it for myself by going through the pain of what happened to me

the anger

the sadness

the grief

the tears

the wishing and wanting and whining about what someone else did to cause me to be the mess I was today...

To that place where I accept that I cannot change the past

But I no longer have to sacrifice my today

or my tomorrow

to it.

Learning to choose the thoughts I would follow - or to choose to not follow - began with learning that I could choose.

Learning to choose the thoughts I would follow....

or to choose to NOT follow....

began with learning that I could choose. 

Heres a link to a site (that I have no affiliation with) where you can learn a simple exercise to put your mind on notice that you are taking over.  Practice: 100 Breaths Meditation


is the 

"hard work".

The "work" that no one can do for us. 

So - grab your leg warmers and your yoga pants....

Its time to work out:)

You really do have all you need to do your dreams!

No longer a victim, much more than a survivor and living wayyyyyy beyond "survival"!

Yup! Thats how I see you!

Now go do your magnificence and then let me know how your doing it in the comments below:)

Always right there with you! 


Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Trusting Me

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” 
― Maya Angelou. 

I started to write a longer, wordy post about this quote and - in the end it came down to this for me:

stop trying to make relationships work - that aren't working. 

In other words, be true to yourself by believing what you see and experience over what others tell you is real. 

When a "friend" keeps making excuses...

uh..umph....excuse me, I mean


why they 

missed your date

didn't call you back

weren't there when they said they would be there...

Or we keep experiencing the same kind of crazy that comes when we are trying to get our emotional needs met in relationships where emotions are not allowed.

Or find ourselves wondering - why does this keep happening to me?

See where I"m going with this one?

Many of us who are SRBT's* or otherwise family dysfunction or craziness often feel responsible to 

work things out...

even when it is clearly not working out.

We take on responsibility for making everyone happy, keeping the peace...


 "rocking the boat"....

often at the very high price of our own sanity as what we experience as hurtful - or even abusive - is denied or in some way minimized.

Its easy for us to believe something is "wrong" with US because SRBT's* have often been conditioned in family dysfunction or abuse to believe they are the magical, all powerful


who is in charge of keeping everyone happy

even if it means for us to be 


So today...

try on the idea of

"Be true to yourself"

just once.

Take it for a test drive and see how good it feels to walk away from those situations and relationships that 




It was when I stopped believing that when things weren't working was because I wasn't working hard enough...

that I had to figure out how to be

good enough

that I finally understood that I 

very simply



You are a rockstar...

don't believe 'em when they try to tell you otherwise - k?

Who's "they"?

Anyone who says you are anything BUT 

a Rock Star:)

Here's to ringin' those bells and rockin those boats!


ps....letting go of the hope for things to "work out" is the hardest part....honest:) Once I got past this I understood that it was this hope that held me back from my real hope for a better future.  

*SRBT's = Survivors of Really Bad Things (are amazing!)

Please consider liking and sharing:)

Always always in gratitude!  

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your (own) Truth!


Thursday, December 8, 2011

It's not about finally being "perfect"

Photo Credit

The journey is not about finally being perfect but about knowing how to be ok in an imperfect world.

You can do this.

Always in amazement of your awesomeness:)


Monday, December 5, 2011

Beyond Survival

Coco Beach Oct 30 2011

In "survival" mode I was constantly on guard. 

My body was tense and often achey. 

My mind was racing - analyzing every word others spoke, trying to gage their feelings, predict their next action. 

The world was not that "benevolent" place I was told it was. I'd not experienced much kindness or compassion. Asking for "help" always ended badly as I became puppet to yet one more person who believed if I would just "do what I was told" - then for sure my life and I would be "better". Yet - this just perpetrated that feeling of helplessness and powerlessness that pervaded my life and being. 

It was in learning to listen to my own body, recognize when I was "triggered" and that I could choose how to respond that I found the power that I'd held all along - but not been taught to access when I sought "help" all those years ago - that finally set me free. 

Was it easy? No. 

Was it worth the effort, the struggle, the pain that comes with all growth?


What is a "best life"?
Its the life I choose and
create for myself
 each day.
You are enough.

You have what it takes.

It is never


too late

to create our

best life.

In awe of your amazing courage,