Monday, February 28, 2011

To Let Life Unfold....Naturally





Today I can let go and let life unfold...naturally

Doing this means that I no longer have the need to carry the burden of fixing another's pain or problem or orchestrating life events that are not within my control to begin with.

It also means that when I let go I have the opportunity to allow my own mind, emotions and body finally begin to heal as my energy is now focussed on managing the one thing I can truly affect and change; me.

To allow life to be "natural" is to allow it to grow and unfold as it does, without undue influence. Much like a the National Parks....that are preserved, free of the influence, control and construction of mankind.

To "let go" and "let life unfold naturally" is to recognize that my need and efforts at controlling the people, places and things in my life is artificially influencing situations, circumstances and relationships that exist outside of the realm of of what I truly have the ability to control within myself.

And while that may "feel" better at the moment; often the end result is more drama and chaos as others resist my efforts to influence their thoughts, feelings and choices.

Today, I can recognize this behavior as that false sense of power that came with my efforts to claim power when I was truly powerless in the face of a situation or circumstance that was outside of my control - that place where I felt and truly was powerless by the actions of those who were meant to protect and nurture me as a child or in the face of an overwhelming life event that took control out of my hands for a time.

So today - I can let life unfold naturally and that includes acknowledging that perhaps I was once powerless but today I can claim my power - by allowing others to have their own.

Q: How can you take back your true power today by letting life unfold naturally?

Originally posted May 4, 2010




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Monday, February 21, 2011

It's Monday!!!


It's MONDAY!!!!!!



Another week has passed and it's Monday again!

When you think of that what is your reaction? What are the thoughts and words that run through your mind? The typical - "oh crap. it's monday again.", "Monday; I hate Mondays" or some variation of that old broken record?

And how do your Monday's go? Lots of problems? Conflict? Drama drama drama? Depressed? Irritated? Anxious?

Same 'ole, same 'ole; right?

Our minds have thoughts - millions of thoughts - that we could grab onto and ride until the next thought impulse comes along.


So what do you think would happen if you started becoming aware of the thoughts you were focussed on - and - with intention - changed them to something positive?

"I love Mondays!", "I get so much done on Mondays!" Mondays ROCK!"

How do you think you might feel if you hung your hat on a few thoughts and comments like that first thing in the morning next Monday - or tomorrow?

Well, when I think those types of thoughts and say those type of comments I feel energized, excited - kind of like a racehorse dancing at the gate ready to run and WIN the race.

Now the old pessimist in all of us want to say something to the effect of "yea, right. This is crap".

And thats fine - if you are content with what you are getting out of your day.

But for those who are just plain tired of feeling sick and tired and hating to get up and out of bed in the morning - this might be just the trick for you.

With awareness, "listen" to those negative thoughts and with intent"catch" them, turn it around and feel the power.

Q: How do you turn your day around?


Originally posted on 9/28/2009

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Monday, February 14, 2011

Be Your Own Hero

Originally published 2/13/10



I can never become what I was meant to be when I am looking for what might have been.

In last nights episode of Smallville I found a very simple, yet profound lesson. A lesson that is key to "getting over" the past and letting go of trying to create the future - which only serves to steal from my today...

In this episode there is a beautiful young witch type person (sorry, didn't catch her name) who can grant anyone their "wish of the moment".

Chloe is envious of Lois' lifestyle and relationship with Clark - Clark is wishing to be a "normal" guy with a "normal" humdrum life.

They both get their wishes.

The kicker is that in this story, the wish-spell wears off when they no longer wish it.

In the story as the drama unfolds, Chloe has the realization that she is what she is and she is in the perfect place in her life and her life is exactly what it is supposed to be.

She has this insight as she is coaching Clark to accept himself for what he is - the superhero the world needs.

The camara pans out and returns to each of them - Chloe is now Chloe again. Clark is now Clark again.

They both appear happy and confident as though that "light bulb" went off in their heads at the same time.

You can never become what you were meant to be when you are looking for what might have been.


Chloe cheers Clark on - Clark leapt a tall building in a single bound and the day was saved....

Today I will choose again to let go of the things that I cannot change and come to an acceptance and appreciate that my life is mine for a reason...

today I will not focus on what might have been but in all that I am. 

Today I will become all that I was meant to be.

Today - I will be my own hero



Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Finding My Voice



On the topic of learning to speak up for ourselves....from the archives (7/23/10)


Below is a brief article that I had posted in my "Notes" section in my Facebook account this week....


This past week I posted an article on my blog with a comment about "finding my voice" which for trauma survivors can be a scary thing to do.

Add to this the uncertainty of "who am I" that comes with that sense of powerlessness that I had no "power" in my own life - and I had the perfect mix for being a "people pleaser", afraid to speak up for or to even consider that I had a right to not like what was or had happened to me because in the past, to do so was not allowed.

I knew I had to start somewhere - but I was so afraid of conflict of any sort that I would begin to shake and panic even at the IDEA of speaking up about what I wanted, needed or to voice an emphatic "NO" to someone who I viewed to be more powerful than I was.

So - I began with finding my voice in places where there was no personal entanglement...asking for this table instead of that table at the restaurant, telling someone "this isn't a good time" instead of taking a phone call when I was doing something else...understanding that I did not need to explain my thoughts, feelings or actions to anyone, that I did not have to constantly be apologizing.

With practice I developed the confidence to be able to start speaking up for myself more often and I felt less dependent on others to offer solutions to the problems that were the focus of my life, that I felt powerless and hopeless to change.

In time I was able to see that I WAS powerful, that I truly did hold the power to affect change in my life and establish boundaries with others - including within the interpersonal relationships that were the most frightening because I was in such fear of being abandoned again.

And - in the end, I did say good bye to some relationships where my newfound assertiveness was not honored...


and I also discovered new friendships and am building relationships based on trust, compassion and true caring that is mutual instead of my self sacrificing that left me as "less than".

In learning to find my voice I was able to add one more life skill that empowered me to conquer the anxiety that held me prisoner and make that shift from feeling so insignificant to truly knowing that I held value

for no other reason thanI exist.


Here is a link to the story connected to the photo at the top of this post. This article was written for the Washington Post by a young person who had the challenge to discover their own voice...

Over at Heal My PTSD Michele Rosenthal has an immense collection of works related to the healing journey; here's just one on the idea of learning to speak our own truth.

**

Q: What steps have you taken that have fueled your journey to finding your own voice, speaking your own "truth"?



If you found value in this post...please tell me in the comments below and consider sharing the link!


Friday, February 4, 2011

Practicing Living Whole by guest blogger Amy Eden (Part III of Raise Yourself Up!)

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Amy Eden of Guess What Normal Is
Today the conclusion of guest blogger Amy Edens introduction to the 4 Practices of learning to live whole in Raise Yourself Up! Part III...


But first you can hcatch up on Part I here


And Part II here...

Today Part III....


4 Practices for Raising Yourself Up

Practice at Learning Who You Are & What Happened
Practice at Doing Therapeutic Work 
Practice at Taking Care of Yourself & Making Changes
Practice at Being Present in the Happiness you Create

3. Practice at Taking Care of Yourself and Making Changes

As you sort your past, you’ll come to have a clearer picture of how you want to lead your life, your interests, values, and goals. 

Practicing taking care of yourself is all about exploring new interests, creating healthy relationships, and establishing a routine in your daily life that supports your happiness and goals.  In this practice, you have the chance to learn about how to live a fully conscious life in which you take care of yourself completely in the way you discover suits you best.  And that encompasses all aspects of your life:

Eating and nutrition
Health and doctor visits
Grooming and personal habits
Exercise
Work life
Time management
Bills and finances
Household tasks
Parenting
Future planning
Personal goals
Friendships
Family relationships
Romantic relationships
Personal boundaries and action plans for protecting them
Taking trips
Developing personal interests
Socializing and networking
Your spiritual life and how to be idle
Feeling and honoring your feelings
Therapy
Cultivating your relationship with your Self

That’s a long list!  Tackling it will involve reading books on various topics, talking through action plans with your therapist and trusted friends—and a lot of trial and error!

Truly, this is the rewarding part of growing yourself up.

We all come to self-growth and healing work with lives already in-progress. So, while you might find yourself wishing that you could just start all over, fresh, the beauty of implementing change into a life in motion is that even the smallest changes you make will have immediate impact. You’ll feel the results quickly.  You’ll feel the change in how others react to you as well.  Each change will inspire the next,  and your change muscles will become strong and an inner sense of “I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!” will build.  You’ll naturally be attracted to healthier people, healthier interactions—in your personal life and on the job, you won’t be curious about people’s dramas anymore, and you’ll expect to be treated fairly (and you’ll have discovered your own, new definition of “fairly”).  Making change in your in-progress life, which might be a “messy” life right now, means you’ll get to see the impact on your primary relationships right away.

The therapist you work with may suggest, or discuss, antidepressant medication with you.  Ultimately, it’s your decision whether or not to medicate.  Depending on the life events that preceded your doing this work, it may be beneficial.  My own rule of thumb is to be sure that I’m doing three things before utilizing an antidepressant tool:  that I’m getting daily (or every other day) exercise, even if that exercise is a brisk, thirty-minute walk, that I am eating fresh, organic, healthy foods (broccoli in particular, fruit, protein, and ample water) and that I’m not abusing sugar, and, third, that I’m getting plenty of sleep.  While I do these before considering medication, I know some of you may want to medicate first, so that you can attend to those three fundamental lifestyle elements. 

I’ve written about depression and treatments on GWNI. This piece is about the similarities between being the child of child-like parents and depression http://www.guesswhatnormalis.com/2010/11/depressed-or-just-the-child-of-childlike-parents.html, and this one’s about chronic or ‘mild’ depression http://www.guesswhatnormalis.com/2010/11/dysthemia-.html 

4 Practices for Raising Yourself Up

Practice at Learning Who You Are & What Happened
Practice at Doing Therapeutic Work 
Practice at Taking Care of Yourself & Making Changes
Practice at Being Present in the Happiness you Create


4. Practice Being Present in the Happiness that You Create

Finally, be sure to enjoy your good life!

If you do a Google search on mindfulness, you’ll find a lot of resources as well as a lot of compelling research about the power—both spiritual and medical—of mindfulness practices.  Mindfulness is essential the practice of being present in the present moment—not distracted by thoughts, but truly at-attention and calm and focused in the present moment. 

This practice is simple, really:  when you’re mindful, you know how you feel, you notice colors, shapes, tastes, smells, sounds—everything. You’re in tune with your Self, your surroundings, and the universe.

And you’re OK.

Remember, these 4 Practices are not steps to take in order, nor to ‘complete’; instead, these practices are active, living stages. We’ll move between them, starting from the first, to the last, for life. 

At first you’ll spend more time going back and forth between 1, 2, and 3, but as you heal you’ll spend more and more time with 3 and 4, using 2 to keep your emotional, psychological, and spiritual mechanics tuned-up, as needed.

Be kind to yourself.
~

Thank you for reading along with us this week!

Your comments are always welcome; please share your notes, thoughts or "aha" moments in the comments below and please consider dropping by Amy's blog Guess What Normal Is.




Amy Eden, writer of fiction and creative nonfiction, has been studying and writing about issues of children of alcoholics for over fifteen years.  She has worked in book publishing and magazine publishing since 1994, and is currently an editor for a San Francisco-based book publisher. She has published nonfiction articles in city and national magazines, for educational publishers, and for the Web, and earned a BA in English and an MFA in creative writing.  Amy Eden’s inspiration for her self-improvement blog, “Guess What Normal Is” is to “help people trade armor for courage.”
~
 Thank you for reading today! Please visit Amy's blog Guess What Normal Is and let her know you found her via A Journey!


This post is property of its author; its publication here in no way implies endorsement nor should it be construed as medical or therapeutic advice. 

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

This month on Empowering Solutions at BTR!



Sometimes it’s the little things that make the biggest difference in our healing journey. Join me this Thursday as I pull from one of the most popular articles from 2010 and share 12 things that will support and empower you to continue to create and live your own “best life”!








What: Empowering Solutions! on Heal My PTSD @ Blog Talk Radio

When: This Thursday February 3rd 6pmEST/5pmCST/3pm Pacific

Click here Heal My PTSD on Blog Talk Radio to register for an email reminder or to listen this Thursday! 


Here's to creating and living our best life!


Susan:)

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!
~

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Practice Will Make You Whole by guest blogger, Amy Eden (Part II of Raise Yourself Up!)

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Amy Eden of Guess What Normal Is
Here is Part I of Raise Yourself Up!


Today we'll continue with Guest Blogger, Amy Edens series "Raise Yourself Up!", Part II.

Practice Will Make You Whole - Practicing at Becoming You

Our parents didn’t parent us well, for various reasons.  We can wring our hands and wonder why, why, why about that truly unfortunate fact of our lives and try to extract a bit of comfort from the questioning, but—we cannot change it.  Here and now, however, today—you are in charge of your self, your wellbeing, and you are now your own parent. 

So! What kind of parent do you want to be to yourself? 

You cannot copy the model you were given because the results—well, you already know those bad results.  You must develop a new model, and to do so you need to do some investigation.  Who are you?  Think about what it’s like to really know someone.  Can you think of a person whom you feel you really know? I bet that knowing their history, where that person came from, is a key part of your feeling of knowing them. 

Practice at getting to know where you come from—don’t worry about being perfect at it.  We tend to be perfectionists, so start thinking about self-work in terms of “practice” rather than “results.” Being in practice mode focuses our attention on the present moment—so we can not only enjoy the act of practicing itself, but also become present. (Being present is a valuable lesson because it provides us with the experience of feeling “okay” and safe, and forces us to release our need to control.)

Think of the practice of parenting yourself like yoga, learning a language, or a musical instrument, or exercise—something that needs conscious thought, repetition, and expansion into new areas, and just plain doing.

Here’s a definition from Webster’s:  Practice; (noun) late Middle English; “Repeated performance or systematic exercise for the purpose of acquiring skill or proficiency.”  

4 Practices for Raising Yourself Up

Practice at Learning Who You Are & What Happened
Practice at Doing Therapeutic Work 
Practice at Taking Care of Yourself & Making Changes
Practice at Being Present in the Happiness you Create

1.  Practice at Learning What Happened and Who You Are

First, it’s essential to understand, fully, what happened to you.  Go there.  It’s not a waste of time, it’s not “digging up old useless bones,” it’s not just “the past” that you can’t change—no, no!  It’s essential to excavate your childhood.  Find out what it means for people to grow up without having one’s self-esteem nurtured, but also what it meant for you in particular, given your unique circumstances, to have grown up as you did.  It’s essential that you dig deep to remember, articulate, and reflect on your own story and unique situation and reactions. Only if we tell what happened can we become truly free. This will begin to dissolve the burden that you carry—whether you realize it’s there on your shoulders or not (you’ll certainly feel it lifting!) 

Learning where you came from and who you are in a honest, formal, and committed way will be painful at first but will bring tremendous relief, and it will begin to provide you with a blueprint for healing on which you can actually take action. 

Be sure to examine, and address, the coping behaviors—especially addictions to food, excitement or work—that have become habits for you.

Clearly, this is something that needs to happen within a safe environment, one that will help you create borders around the old pain and present reality so that you don’t feel…well…like you’re losing your mind!  This work is best done with a therapist who you choose and with whom you feel safe, and who can help you contain the experience.

4 Practices for Raising Yourself Up

Practice at Learning Who You Are & What Happened
Practice at Doing Therapeutic Work 
Practice at Taking Care of Yourself & Making Changes
Practice at Being Present in the Happiness you Create

2. Practice at Doing Therapeutic Work

Although it’ll seem like the endpoint of looking into your past will be a pit of pain from which you’ll forever live, the truth is that you’ll arrive out in a patch of sunlight in an field—with yourself.  You’ll be light years closer to knowing who you are.  This is partly because you’ll see that who you were as a child was someone who adapted and coped to stay safe in whatever way you could.

You’ll come to realize that, while necessary, that’s not the Who you were meant to be, and that you want to get to the Who underneath all those protective survival layers.  You’ll come to have a much clearer picture of who you do not want to be, and simultaneously, begin to see (and with compassion) and feel that you have greater control over becoming who you do want to be. 

If you do this work, you will discover a lightness and freedom—and sense of your Self and clarity about what you need—like never, ever before.  It will be scary at times.  Some might think it would be “easier” to stick with the old way of denial and not feeling your feelings, but as soon as you put one foot into recovery, the rest of your body will ache to get in there, too.  Your heart will guide you. If you do this work, you WILL come through the darkness and to the other side, into the light of a life you want, that you made.

The intensity of feelings that uncovering our past traumas may bring up isn’t for the faint of mind, so you need a trustworthy therapist to help you navigate the terrain.  If you do this kind of work on your own, it’s very difficult to sort out the monsters from the angels—that is, it becomes very difficult to know whether or not your actions stem from avoidance or courage.  In truth, even the best therapist won’t be able to tell your monsters from your angels, but he or she will be able to give you the time and space within which to get enough perspective that you sure can. 

Be sure that you shop for a therapist just like people recommend shopping for a house—don’t pick the first one, evaluate a few (or several if you have to), and choose the one that feels most likely to provide comfort and safety.  Talk to them on the phone first, asking what their area of specialties are, and how many of their clients (not patients!) are trauma-survivors, or children of alcoholics, etc. Tell them what you’re struggling with, and ask what kind of approach they would take.  This saves your time, and theirs.  Any good therapist will spend up to 15, or more, minutes talking to you on the phone.  If you don’t like their attitude, voice, attitude, or answers—move on to the next name on your list.  Ask if they will give you a free consultation (or use your health insurance to cover it), and book a few appointments with a few different counselors—this will prevent you from feeling obligated to go with the first one you see. (Any good therapist will ask you, at the end of your first consultative session, if you feel it’s a good fit and if you’d like to continue.  Only a bad, desperate therapist will obligate you or sell you on committing to them.)  Remember—you’re the customer.

There’s reward in this:  the process of selecting a therapist is the first step in your healing!  It’s an opportunity to say what you want, and to actively choose the person who is going to collaboratively, with you, help you on your journey of self-investigation and self-repair so that you can live a life as you choose to live it.
~
Your comments, notes and aha's are invited and always welcome:)

Join us here next time for the conclusion (Part III) of Amy's series Raise Yourself Up!




Amy Eden, writer of fiction and creative nonfiction, has been studying and writing about issues of children of alcoholics for over fifteen years.  She has worked in book publishing and magazine publishing since 1994, and is currently an editor for a San Francisco-based book publisher. She has published nonfiction articles in city and national magazines, for educational publishers, and for the Web, and earned a BA in English and an MFA in creative writing.  Amy Eden’s inspiration for her self-improvement blog, “Guess What Normal Is” is to “help people trade armor for courage.”
~
 Thank you for reading today! Please visit Amy's blog Guess What Normal Is and let her know you found her via A Journey!

This post is property of its author; its publication here in no way implies endorsement nor should it be construed as medical or therapeutic advice.