Monday, November 30, 2009

In a War -- a poem

In a War

by Susan 2009

You/I am/are in a war. Who will rule MY world? Each day - hour minute I we fight a new battle not in the world around us but in our minds. This is where the war will be won - or lost. Or the white flag thrown in.

Whatever your world looks like -whatever your label that you claim -own -take on whatever role you accept - whatever world you have chosen for yourself – this will determine if the battle is won…and you can now live in peace monitoring those outlying thoughts that can and will try to creep in to weaken your defenses, to plant the infiltrators ready to become insurgents at the right moment that moment of weakness when you are not prepared when you have rested on your laurels and said "I have won - there is no need to be on guard".

...for the first minor attack will not break your defenses or even cause you notice - but like the rain pelts the new paint on your home after a year - or two or twenty - your armor wears thin and cannot withstand when finally the enemy sees you are weak and the thoughts again overtake your days…and your nights.

No longer is it an occasional obsessive or depressive thought but now the floodgates are open and perhaps it is in this time that our defenses fail us… and we flounder.

Some of us won't survive this final battle for our soul...our being no longer can sit with the things of the past or the lost hopes of the future. Our minds become re-consumed with the ways of what is dead. Some die here in this battle. Some become wounded permanently a return to life in whatever it was before…or even worse. A few of us stumble and limp our way back saying boy that was close the battle we raged against the onslaught...ha! We got them!

A fewer of us slowly realize that it was not the world around us that had changed or even attacked us as it will - but it was our own self losing touch with the core values of our journey and our new chosen role in it to accept and let others to live of their own means and ways and to take care of the one thing I could manage and manage well - my own thoughts and actions.

Perhaps it was the sneaking nag of a voice that complained about the neighbors or the Bag boy at checkout at the market. Perhaps it was that voice of a childhood entertaining how it was my fault as that child believed in the magic of childhood. Or the bemoaning of the new shoes we couldn't buy because we wanted to or the meal and movie out - the old car we wanted to trade in.

Bottom line is - when we begin to accept those moanings and lose sight of being happy in this very moment - the only life that we have - we unwittingly opened the door to the Trojan horse to bring the battles to the war - we have given the front to the enemy and may not come out alive this time.

So. To be on guard. To protect your thoughts as though they were the fortress that held the thing dearest to you. This; this is the purpose for which we stand today. For this is the thing that can steal your today’s and murder your tomorrows as quickly as you can say …..”think”.

Protect your mind, guard your thoughts. Refuse to entertain the enemy or allow it, any ground. For you, I, we – are in a war and together we can stand facing the world as it is. Knowing the power to protect ourselves lies in the deepest trenches of our soul.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Word of the day: PROGRESS


Function: verb [no object]

Inflected forms:
progresses; progressed; progressing

1 : to move forward in time
progressed. [=went on]>

2 : to improve or develop over a period of time
progressing slowly.>
progressing and should be completed soon.>

3 always followed by an adverb or preposition, formal : to move forward or toward a place
progressed slowly across the desert.>

Too often in the journey to healing - or life in general - I think we focus on what we have not yet accomplished or the hard work we have put in yet still are not where we want to be.

Yet if we slow down for a minute and put things in a different perspective we can find the hope that keeps us moving foward.

How often have you felt "down in the dumps"?

Yeah - me too.

And when you're there in the dumps, what are some of the thoughts that run through your head? Does the focus of your thoughts seem to be everything that you don't have? Is it the missed opportunities or broken relaitonships? What about money? Do you go to the store focussed on all the bling that you want but dont have? And the car - as you drive down the street in your car that needs tons of work just to keep it on the road do you look at those who drive the latest and greatest?

Yeah - me too.

Focussing on the things you don't have or the hard work of healing or just living life in general can zap your energy and mood faster that anything. BUT - the secret is that you don't have to stay "down in the dumps" or "depressed".

And - the solution isnt going to cost you anything. It's completely free!

Here it is...drum roll please.....:)

Try looking at your journey as though you are moving TOWARD something instead of trying to GET AWAY from somthing.

So try it. Now. What is it that you think is keeping you where you are?

Are you making progress and moving TOWARD your goals?

Progress - somedays its those baby steps and some days it comes in giant leaps of sudden insight and awareness. But it is ALWAYS moving TO something v. trying to GET AWAY from something.


Try it. Good things are guaranteed!


Friday, November 13, 2009

How do I love thee...


Boy; this was a concept I knew nothing about coming from a superhypermagnifiedhorrendouslydysfunctionalabusive family. 

In fact, if I was going to draw you a picture of myself from back then - my "boundaries" were non existant. In an attempt to conceptualize this try thinking of goo. Slimy, slick, greasy glimy green goo. Goo that would become whatever you wanted it to be - presto! I could become what ever and who ever my environment needed me to be. "Chameleon" doesnt even begin to touch just how "fluid" I was to my environment. (song: "bend me shape me anyway you want me...who sang that??)

But then I begin this wonderful, magnificient journey of healing. I begin to realize that it wasnt "all my fault", that I'm brilliant v. stupid, that I have talents and gifts to offer the world. I begin to "define" myself - who I am, what I like and dont like. What my tolerance level is for unacceptable behavior in others. (Another story another day: why he hits, why she stays and what happens to the children) OOPs; got sidetracked....*blush*

So instead of being the worlds "doormat" and living life as that perpetual victim of circumstances I begin to take care of myself; I say no to things that in the past I might have done because I thought I "should" or "had to". I began to live a life of choice fueled by my own understanding of what I could do. I began to set boundaries.

At first (especially in my family) this hasnt gone over so great (a HUGE understatement). As it turns out - folks who are accustomed to having their way with you dont often appreciate the empowerment you feel when you are able to say NO.

The flip side of this enlightment is that I began to realize just how I had violated the boundaries others had set for themselves. OUCH!


What I realized is that when I respect the boundary someone has set for themselves - I am showing them that I value them as an individual; that I value my relationship with them.

When others respect the boundaries that I set for myself they are demonstrating their love and respect for me.

Bottom line: when we set and respect boundaries we are respecting anothers - and our own - right to determine that they are capable of running their own life, making their own decisions, calling their own shots.

When boundaries are ignored (ok for some it may be more like they were shot down), or questioned (tell me again WHY you did that?), ridiculed (boy that was stupid) or any number of other violations - what we are in effect saying LOUD AND CLEAR is that "you cannot manage your own life and if you would just do what I say you would be ok, that wouldnt have happened etc etc etc. YOU ARE INCAPABLE.

But - when boundaries are respected and supported what we are saying is I TRUST YOU TO MAKE THE BEST DECISIONS FOR YOU. You are capable.

Boundaries. Not just a line in the sand but the defining magic of self.

How has establishing clear boundaries in your life affected your self esteem and/or healing journey? What are some boundaries you have chose to set that you had not had in the past? How did friends and family react?

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Greatest Gift

The greatest gift
we can give to another
who is in pain
is to let them have it
feel it
face it
the anger
over what was
the betrayal
the injury
the things lost
never to be recovered
the grief
the loss
of what never will be
to know they can face it
that they have all they need
inside of them
to overcome the past
and face the future