|Amy Eden of Guess What Normal Is|
Over the next several days Amy will be sharing her 3 part series on the subject of her blog and introducing some makes-sense solutions we can adapt in our journey from there where we lived in the darkness...
to here, where we begin to live in the light. :)
Today then, Part 1 of Amy's series Raise Yourself Up!
- You often personalize things and feel that, somehow, you are to blame for errors in the world, other people’s moods, and the outcome of events.
Because our parents held us (as well as themselves) accountable—whether in a verbal or nonverbal way—for things that weren’t actually in our control, we continue to hold ourselves accountable for the actions of others and the outcomes of events. Maybe your parent guilt-tripped you into doing things, telling you that other people would feel bad if you didn’t take a certain action. In my house, it was, “Your brother will feel bad if you don’t go to his soccer game.” Or you were told that you “had to” go to a certain school, take a certain summer job, join a certain sport, to keep people happy—“Your father did everything for you to do play soccer (even though you hate it), you better not let him down now.” The message, time and again, was: you must do what we want, you’re responsible for our moods and the moods of others.
- You can’t seem to come to a conclusion about what’s “normal,” and would feel much calmer if you just knew what are desired and acceptable behaviors.
- You judge yourself often and meanly.
- While not meaning to and while not in keeping with your self-image, you tend to react to people, situations, and life rather than take action inspired by your own wants, ideas, and goals.
- People exhaust us because we’re not able to fully be ourselves.
- We don’t know our needs nor advocate for them; we don’t ask for what we want; we suffer guilt when we assert ourselves.
- We don’t feel our feelings.
While we are individuals in pain, and harbor deep pain from our childhoods, whether on the surface (sad face, slumped shoulders) or below the surface, we don’t know how to feel our feelings. Our feelings were denied, yelled at, ignored, and even laughed at. When feelings do arise, we’re easily overwhelmed by them and very quickly, we either deny them—to be “pleasant” for others and to avoid rocking the boat, or we re-stuff them because our feelings are begging us to say ‘no’ and speak our minds, and that seems high-risk and deeply frightening for us.
Comments and insights are invited and welcomed:)
Join us here next week for Part II of Amy's series Raise Yourself Up!
This post is property of its author; its publication here in no way implies endorsement nor should it be construed as medical or therapeutic advice.