Sunday, December 19, 2010

Onions Make Me Cry


This is a post that I'd done this past June on Facebook Onions Make Me Cry and decided to post it and another post Fighting Forgiveness here on A Journey when it was brought to my attention that not everyone could access them on Facebook.

Onions Make Me Cry

by Susan Kingsley-Smith on Sunday, June 20, 2010 at 8:54am

Healing from the lifelong issues that can come along with surviving childhood abuse or neglect of any kind can be a daunting, overwhelming task that until recent years, even the professionals often don't know how to help us do and today is being approached as "trauma" work or "developmental trauma" issues as in C-PTSD. 

But when I discovered the natural emotional healing process that would enable me to begin to move "through" the pain of the past I discovered that as I peeled back one layer to the next, it would do a couple of things.

First, I found a freedom that I'd never known before. When I began to face the past and learn about the dynamics of power and control in family relationships and the effect of it on the children, I was able to understand that I was not “broken” or “defective”…or “bad” or even “ill”; but injured and I understood that injured can heal.

And second, I discovered that as I peeled back one layer of pain, grieved the past, bit by bit, I was able to let go of that pain that had held me prisoner and begin to integrate that experience, those thoughts, the related emotions…into my today.

This is the freedom of making that mind shift from "avoiding" the pain of the past by using unhelpful and oftentimes harmful coping mechanisms that allowed me to numb my emotions in one way or another.

Peeling back the layers, one by one, I found is much like the peeling of an onion.

The top layer is a bit tough. The outside skin is dry and flaky; it's job is to protect the tender inner layers of the meat of the plant that holds all the spice and flavor of it's being; it’s “heart” where new life sprouts from.

And as I began to peel off the top layer of the dry, flaky skin, I reached that first tough outer skin of the onion. I found that I have to work a little to break through to reach that first layer in order to begin to actually “peel” it.

This I found is similar to when I first began to see that I could break through the resistance that was MY top layer; the dry, flaky “skin” that protected my sensitive and injured inner and childlike self. The skin that I presented to the world.

Slowly and intentionally I allowed the grief process to guide me through the layers. Each level of grief embraced, expressed and experienced would take me to a freedom I'd not known in my lifetime and prepare me for reaching the next layer.

The peeling had begun the process. The tears of the grieving process had washed me free and clean of the pain.

And much like in the beginning of peeling of the onion, as I got past those first protective layers, it became easier to peel down to the next layer. This process of grieving the past became easier as I became familiar with it.

In time, I learned to embrace this process with hope and promise that as I peeled back and looked at each layer I began to trust that I would find the full freedom that would take me to the heart of my soul, where I would find the "me" that had been buried and protected by the tough outer layers and hidden from the world.

The “me” that was the heart and source of the seed where my own new life would sprout from.

Peeling through these layers of grief, from the top crusty flaky layer that encased my protective tough outer skin to the tender and sweet inner heart of my being was much like the peeling of the onion...

That would make me cry as I began to peel back the layers in order to reach my heart. 

You can read the related posts Fighting ForgivenessPaying Homage to the Past here and Learning to Live Beyond "It" here.

Tears Wash the Soul Free

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Thank you for being a part of my journey today:)

 Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

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