Monday, July 25, 2011

There is Only One Hero: And its You

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

There are some things I AM powerless over but one of those NOT me.

One of - if not THE key issue for survivors of childhood oppression, abuse and neglect is that of feeling powerless.

But for me - I didn't know I felt powerless AND I'd been told by well meaning, albeit unhelpful, folks and programs of the past that I was powerless...

to let go...

let god...

and wish, pray and hope that life just kind of worked itself out and...

that there was nothing I could do.

That I was simply an observer and had to stop trying to "control" things. 

The thing is and was that this never helped me to escape the pain that drove my misery. 

Accepting being mistreated is not acceptable. 

Accepting a life of "less than"...

is not acceptable. 

In this frame of mind - that I was powerless over my life and the things that left me feeling abused, unhappy and generally discontent and 


I was stuck. 

After all - if I am powerless...what is there for me to do? 

If I cant "make" others treat me well and life be fair...

well, what the hell? 

This was that place where my focus was on what was going on AROUND ME...

instead of what was going on within me. 

It was in understanding the difference between what I was truly powerless over...

People, places and things outside of myself

And what I DID have power over....

My beliefs, thoughts, feelings, emotions and choices...

that enabled me to shift from feeling powerless to understanding the meaning of...

being empowered....

from the inside out. 

From the Archives

Be Your Own Hero

Have to's, Shoulds and Can'ts....I felt Powerless

I Held the Key to My Freedom

"story"? Or "Story"?

The Power Within

I. Am. Not. Powerless.

“Sometimes we get stuck focusing on the maltreatment and wanting what’s fair before we move on. Waiting for justice distracts us from doing things that are beneficial to us--like healing. We can’t change what already happened, but we can change the way we respond to those things. The abuse taught us to think like a victim waiting for rescue, but as adults, we’re empowered to rescue ourselves.” ~Christina Enevoldsen from

Friday, July 22, 2011

Friday Follow Ups and Back to Basics!

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Today I wanted to get back to my Blogging, my advocacy, my writing, my purpose and my passion.

Wha a?

The past couple of weeks my time and attention has been split....pretty thin.

Here's a few things I've been contributing to and working on....

Last week I was Guest Blogger at Emerging From Broken where...

I shared parts of my story in more depth and detail than I ever have in the past. Ever. Anywhere. 

Whats it about?

Learning to identify how I finally came to understand what it meant and means to have my "self" suffocated and my body and being used as an object to serve others.

And - how in this process I also discovered the path to freedom and made that shift from coping, managing and surviving to...


My best life. 

Ever. :)

Check it out here.

What else have I been up to?

Well....I got kind of involved in a little Petition to New York Times that has turned into kind of a big deal as in less than 5 days we've garnered almost 80% of our initial goal from supporters and comments from around the world. 

You can check it out and read the petition and the comments here. 

Some of the Just wow. 

Check it out at the link above and if this is an issue you can get on board with, leave your signature there then...

Join us at the new Community Group for this Petition to the NYT by clicking here. This will be sort of like our Ground Zero as we continue to keep folks informed and involved in this groundbreaking endeavor.

What else?

Every day there are some great conversations going on at the Empowering Solutions Community page at Facebook. Every day I post and share on a variety of issues and topics faced by SRBT (survivors of really bad things:)) 

Drop by and give us a "like" so you can recieve the daily notes on your own FB wall:)

Any more?

Well, I did recently set up a twitter account for just the ES stuff....

You can follow me on twitter by going here:


I finally mastered the technology to put an email sign up form here on A Journey! 

Now - if you are interested for me to send you STUFF...:)

All you have to do is drop your email in the box up top that says...


(This is different than your reading subscription, k? :))

I'm pretty sure theres something else....

Oh yeah!

I got overambitious and thought about expanding ES to 4 times a month...

(and actually announced that I was doing this not-so-well-thought-out-thing :-/


and then had some (very wise:)) second thoughts....

Empowering Solutions on BTR will maintain at twice monthly...

the 1st and 3rd Thursdays

at 2pm EST (USA)....

for now anyway:)

Coming up in August!

August 4th - Christina Enveldson, Founder of 

August 18th - Breaking Free from Broken with Darlene Ouimet of

Ok then. 

Guess I have been a little busy:)

I think I'll take a break and see what comes up next:) 

Thanks for sharing the journey!


The past no longer has to steal our todays and destroy our tomorrows:) If you are looking for information and resources to learn how to learn to live beyond broken....

Welcome. Thats what we do. :) 

Sharing the light, the hope and the journey:)

Stay tuned!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Reminder that ES is Expanding, Next Weeks Q&A and I finally got the techsmarts to put an email sign up form on the blog!

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

I know you're all busy and get more than enough emails so will keep this short and quick....:)

This Thursday on July 21st you can tune into Empowering Solutions on Blog Talk Radio by clicking here and join Coach and Blogger Darlene Ouimet and myself on the newest addition to the ES lineup...

Breaking Free from Broken!

Each month Darlene and I will share from our own journey the path we've followed that brought us from that place of deep despair and hopelessness to finally emerge on the other side of broken!

And a quick heads up for next week on Empowering Solutions...

Every 4th week we'll be answering YOUR questions about your own journey or the topics from this months ES shows!

So jot your notes down...

Send us an email with your questions

Or plan now to join us on July 27th for our first...


Update 7/21/2011


Jumping out of the gate early is never a smart thing to do!

Empowering Solutions IS growing, morphing and changing...

but not just yet!

For now - you can find us on Blog Talk Radio every 1st and 3rd Thursday at 2pm EST (USA)....

August 4th - Christina Enveldson, Founder of Overcoming Sexual Abuse will join us!

August 18th - Breaking Free from Broken with Darlene Ouimet of Emerging From Broken!

More to come!

The rest...


In time! 

Onward and upward! 

Have a terrific Wednesday! 

Susan_Ks :)

PS Thanks for your patience as I find my footing with these changes (oy!) and stay tuned! 


I forgot to mention....I recently figured out how to put an email sign up form here on the blog...

and....this is different than your reading subscription.

This is for you to say "its ok for you to send me stuff"!

"Stuff" being defined as news and happenings in my world that I think you might be interested in that I've not published on the blog here (yet) or is available elsewhere....:) 

To sign up for stuff:) go to the box at the top left of this post where it says...

Sign me up for stuff!!

Send questions! 

Photo Credit

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


 Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!
Sometimes even the best intentions backfire.

Sometimes they blow up in your face.

Sometimes what is in our heart doesn't always come out of our mouth in such a way to convey our true feelings or intentions.

Sometimes we give meaning to things based on our own internal messages rather than the message that is being conveyed.

Sometimes even in the truest of intentions...

Others get hurt.



And sometimes no amount of trying to "work it out"...

can work it out.


it works out best

to just let go.


can be one of the hardest things to do

yet can be one of the best things to do

and often is the seed that will allow us to grow.

In the beginning of my journey I looked to the world and those in it to adjust and "make" me feel ok. 

I tried to "work things out", often taking responsibility for how others were feeling and the choices they made. 

I had a sense of responsibility to make others ok and that others would make me feel ok.

And recently I've had a couple of situations where I got to learn this lesson again....

that its not about what others do, think or say that makes me feel "ok'...

but its about me learning and knowing how to be ok...

when others aren't. 

I Became the Student...

Photo Credit

Monday, July 18, 2011

From the Archives: All is Well

Sometimes I find it helpful to go back to the archives and dig around.

Today I came up with this gem that reminds me that peace and well being is not about reaching that state of ascension :) but about reaching that place of acceptance.

The power lies in understanding that my solutions lie within myself...

From the archives December 31 2009: All Is Well

Well, here we are. Another year, another decade.

Today I suppose I'm feeling mixed; a bit thoughtful as I look at just how far I've come in this journey. A bit scared as I look at what lies before me.

One thing I have learned in this journey is that when I am feeling scared or lonely, depressed or wildly excited --- that there is that place where peace and serenity resides...that place is the "now".

This morning I was feeling so wound up. My mind was racing with all of the to-do's on my to-do list that had not been done, the goals that have not yet been written, the plans not yet lain out neatly for me to follow as I transition from one year to the next. In other words, I was feeling quite out of control of things. Frazzled, anxious, panicked.

So I took a deep breath. I jumped on the treadmill (uh - yea. It's cold here in Iowa today so no long outdoor treks for this girl yet). And I let it all go.

I burned off the high physical energy that pumped up that sense of feeling overwhelmed. I took some deep breaths and focussed on the one thing I can control or affect - my now.

Slowly my thoughts began to settle, the butterflies in the pit of my stomach started to calm. The tightness in my shoulders began to lessen and I realized once again that the power is not within the ruminating of the past or the fear I face at my future. The peace comes from letting go of those things I cannot change (the past) or control (the future) but knowing that if I take life one moment at a time, all will be well.

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Keep On Keepin' On

This journey is not about finally doing it right enough that life is easy although when we learn how to do life - it gets eas-ier.

Its not about being right enough that there are no more bumps in the road...its about learning that we are enough and life - just happens. 

Its not about never getting knocked down - but rather its about learning how to dip and dive as life throws us punches.

Its not about never falling or struggling - its about knowing how to get back up.

This journey is not about competition or keeping up....

Its just about being able to keep on keeping on. :)

From the archives...

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Look! Something New Has Been Added! Breaking Free From Broken Debut!

Susan Kingsley-Smith, CIC, CFFS

A new addition to the Empowering Solutions Community Resources!

Breaking Free From Broken!

One of the core issues that survivors of abuse and other family dysfunction face is a chronic sense of worthlessness and powerlessness that wreaks havoc over our lives and relationships. 

Darlene Ouimet, CTACC
Starting this month Blogger, Author and Coach Darlene Ouimet and I will bring you some empowering solutions on breaking free from and learning to live beyond broken as we share 1/1 with you how we both found freedom from broken and you can too!

New Show: Breaking Free From Broken!

Hosts: Susan Kingsley-Smith, CIC, CFFS and Darlene Ouimet, CTACC

Date: Every 3rd Thursday beginning July 21 2011

Time: 2pm EST (USA)

Where you can find Susan and Darlene

You can find Darlene at her blog Emerging From Broken and at the Emerging From Broken Community on Facebook.

Are you ready? 

Lets do this!

Seek Knowledge, Find Wisdom....Live Your Truth!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

This month on Empowering Solutions on BTR: Author Dan Hays on Family, PTSD and Writing as an Empowering Solution!

Visit Dan at 
This month on Empowering Solutions we'll be chatting with Author Dan L. Hays on family as a source of PTSD and how his craft of writing has been an empowering solution in his healing journey.

Join us this Thursday July 7th at 2pm EST/1pm CST and 11am PT at Empowering Solutions on Blog Talk Radio!

Click here to join us this Thursday at 2pm EST (USA)

All programs are recorded so if you happen to miss the broadcast you can listen later or download to itunes by clicking here!

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

This month on Empowering Solutions on BTR: Author Dan Hays on Family, PTSD and Writing as an Empowering Solution!

Visit Dan at 
This month on Empowering Solutions we'll be chatting with Author Dan L. Hays on family as a source of PTSD and how his craft of writing has been an empowering solution in his healing journey.

Join us this Thursday July 7th at 2pm EST/1pm CST and 11am PT at Empowering Solutions on Blog Talk Radio!

Click here to join us this Thursday at 2pm EST (USA)

All programs are recorded so if you happen to miss the broadcast you can listen later or download to itunes by clicking here!

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

It Was All About Avoidance

Photo Credit

One of the things about the healing journey that I found to be (hmmph....) not so helpful...was when the focus was on the behaviors that had been my "normal" in and following the trauma experiences...but were now not so helpful.  

Darlene Ouimet of Emerging From Broken had this to say recently about the change that changed her life.... 

The whole key was uncovering and discovering how my belief system about myself and the world, had formed and realizing it was full of lies that I believed about myself. As I replaced the lies with the truth, the coping methods fell away; because I didn’t need them anymore. 
                                                                                                                                 ~ Darlene Ouimet

Very often in the journey the focus becomes the behavior.

Well, why wouldn't it? 

Thats what we see.

But like Darlene - it was when I started looking at the issues underneath the coping methods that in the trauma were helpful - but had become "maladaptive" because these behaviors were affecting my ability to create and live the life that I wanted for myself. 

Listen into one of the archived shows from last year at Empowering Solutions at Heal My PTSD at Blog Talk Radio:

"Its All About Avoidance"

Listen to internet radio with Heal My PTSD on Blog Talk Radio

Find the archives of Empowering Solutions here.

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!