Mondays; argggg, I hate Mondays...
You can see the post I wrote a few months ago about Monday's here.
So what's this got to do with anything?
Well....it's Monday. :)
And for me it's back to basics day.
As I've been meandering around, meeting and greeting others and carrying on the discussion about healing from past trauma there's been something in the back of my mind. Couldn't put my finger on it before but I think I've found what I was looking for.
In the beginning this blog was based on a conversation that Michele (Heal My PTSD) and I were having on her blog post dated January 2009 titled How to Tap your Inner Hero. Our conversation was on the "how" behind learning to live in the moment and leave the past behind...
In This Moment is a post I wrote last year on that "lightbulb" moment when I realized that I could change my life...simply by changing my mind.
Giving Up is Not an Option is another earlier post on how I arrived at this insight and the awareness that living in the past held a price...
In the end, this journey is all about how we choose to spend our moments. The hard part is finding the path that will take us there.
The problem that I see and have seen over this journey of mine is not that we are an incapable population - in fact, quite the opposite - as survivors of trauma who have chosen to do the hard work of healing and finding our way out of that dark place, we are the most resourceful persons on the face of this earth I believe.
The problem in my mind is that we have been taught to focus on "doing" in this journey rather than learning how to "be" in our own time and space and to "be" ok. Unwittingly, we have been guided down a path that has taught us to avoid our pain in various ways rather than learn to embrace it and go through the process of emotional healing.
I spent years losing my "now" to attempting to "figure out" how to "do" whatever it was that I was supposed to be doing to "get better". I had the "diagnosis" - "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" - but the focus was never on learning how to go through the natural grief process to reclaim or find that part of me that was buried deep within the emotional distress and deep seated belief of helplessness to change my circumstances.
The focus was on "doing" to the exclusion of "being".
And this is where I find myself today. Returning to the original purpose of this blog. Finding a way to share the path I have taken to pull myself out of the mire of the past and beginning to live "in the moment". That only one true thing that exists; the "now".
Because that is where I have found the peace lies. Learning to live in "now" and how to "let go" of those thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are no longer bringing me a peaceful "now".
So today I decided to pay attention to the unrest I have been feeling instead of trying to avoid it or cover it up with more "busy work" or creating my own "daytime drama" as often happens when I get lost ruminating over solving problems that are not mine to begin with. I decide to get back to the basics of living in my now and trusting that by doing so, I am laying the foundation for my best life tomorrow.
And while it is easy for me to engage in the many life issues that come up each day - especially those surrounding the issues we face in our healing journey's, I find myself returning to Micheles orginial question to me from that post How to Tap Your Inner Hero....how did I learn to live in the moment?
And still, nearly a full year later, the best answer that I have found to this question is that living in the moment is a simple concept although not always an easy one to apply.
It is not about "doing", although "doing" is a part of this process as we put one foot in front of the other and learn to walk in this new way. At the same time it is learning about "being". It is the path we are each on that will provide us our own answers in our own time.
In other words...as long as we are searching, inquisitive and open...we will be ready to receive answers that will guide us down our chosen path where we can all create a live our best life each day.
And it started with simply becoming aware of the "story" behind the language I was using like telling myself that I loved Monday's. That Monday's were the best day of the week...that Monday's were a new start for another opportunity to create the life of my choosing. Another 1,400 minutes and opportunities to turn things around, to change my life and step back on my new path - the now.
And then as I became aware of those opportunities to change my story and language at the same time I changed that "backstory" in my mind of how "Monday"s sucked".
This is that place where I was the student that was ready - and willing to take the action - and my teacher always came.
Every time since.
And every time still.