But I can't right now. Instead I'm feeling angry at the injustice of this thing called PTSD and how it has not been handled.
You see, I've been reading about the struggles of the Military Vets and their families. The emotional pain, the nightmares. The suicide rates among vets.
For a long time I couldn't do that. Reading about others pain, I mean. It was all I could do to face my own so it was overwhelming to read of others journeys through this nightmare.
And what I see is again just how similar the experience of the Post Trauma Stress response is. And how varied our experiences can be that bring us to this place where the nightmares are different nightmares but the pain is as deep for each of us as the Grand Canyon is deep and wide.
While our stories are different; the soldiers coming home, the children raped, the accident in which all was lost but perhaps one life...
The results are common. The nightmares, the flashbacks, that feeling of crazy, the isolation from the world that doesn't understand, being on edge, not wanting to die but not knowing how to live beyond this...and the list that we all know goes on and on.
And this gives me hope.
Hope that as we speak up and find our voice, tell our stories, share our success - the secret shame of living with the PTS response will no longer be. That as we work and walk together our shared experiences and voices will be the catalyst for change.
And that all will be well.
So I guess in the end while I didn't write a happy post today, I wrote a reality post and one filled with that broad range of emotions that makes me feel alive and motivates me to find purpose and meaning from my life experiences.
And in the end...I see hope for us all.