Monday, April 30, 2012

The Language Of Life

Weave your words to create the fabric of your life
Along the way I've picked up a few things that made the difference...

The biggest difference was made when I learned to recognize the language of life in contrast to the kind of dialog running in the back of my mind like the subtitle of a silent movie that left me feeling hopeless, helpless and powerless over my life.

One of the first things I learned and one of that last things I "got" ..

Was understanding the difference

Between feeling powerless


Being powerless.

Making the connection between my (then) today where I felt powerless

and that this was a normal response

to having actually

been powerless

in my past





I came to understand

was why

in my (then) today

I continued to



And this was not at all helped by all the helpful folks who kept reminding me 





really, really


You know? 

Those groups where the first thing we have to admit to is being


Then all the other well intentioned folk

the therapists




who were telling me I was such a control freak and needed to 

let go. 

Telling me that I couldn't control everything, that I needed to accept life as it was...


no one ever told me what I


have power over.

So I continued on

trying to do my best

do what I was told

trying to do it


only it never was

right enough.

And what I've discovered along the way is ...

that I could unveil


and activate



by checking and challenging

the language I used

every day

all the time

that told me that I was


And that while I was powerless over people places and things outside of myself

I held the power to become the creator of my life 

that I would no longer be a victim of life. 

So - thank you therapists, friends, family and those 12 step groups that mean well but 

to tell someone who has never owned their own intrinsic magical and mystical power

that they are




not so helpful.

In order to learn to let go of the learned external controlling of people places circumstances and things....

which are the things I am powerless over

I had to discover how to own my own power.

In the end - the change came in choosing to move on to learning how to regulate my life from the inside out by 

changing my language from that of despair 

to that of design.

The language of life is where I learned to make the shift from "tell me what to do to be well so I can live well" to...

"I am well and can learn how to live".

Here's to you, you amazing beam of light and life!

You got the magic in you!

I'm beaming at your brilliance!



We may have been powerless.

We may feel powerless yet that is very different from actually being powerless.

Learning to speak and listen for the language of life became one of the truths that set me free.

Those who told or tell you that you are powerless....may actually believe that they too are powerless and are here only to be tossed in the storm of life, that its no use to try to "create" our life because we in the end are simply here to live until we die.

And while there are things that are beyond our control?

We are always in control of the story we tell ourselves about those things.

Uh huh:)

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

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Monday, April 23, 2012

No longer a victim and much more than a survivor

Become the Creator
of your own
"unlimited life"
A quick note today...

About the "aha"

That became the truth

That set me free. 

Like many others who were living a life of "less than"...

I subscribed to the idea that "support" was that place where I could vent


and moan

about my past

my pain

my today


and tomorrow.

That just really



And I lived there for what seemed 


And in time

I discovered that there is a time and a place for seeking "support" that actually supports my journey 



and out of the muck

instead of staying


in it.

Pouring my pain out day after day with no conscious effort to learn to live beyond it is what I identified in myself as being that "perpetual victim". **

Learning to take responsibility for creating my day included learning how to take responsibility for my life outcome.

Day by day.

Moment by moment.

It meant learning the difference between living in the mindset of  "blame" 

While letting go of the self blame and shame that fueled my self hatred and perpetuated my victimhood. 

Which I wore very welll...btw:) 

This is the place where I give responsibility to those who let me down 

And take responsibility for becoming the creator of my own "best" life.

Focusing on my pain, seeking sympathy in the guise of "support" kept me stuck and struggling for many many years. 

I'd been victimized - I was no longer a victim. 

I had survived - but wanted to live beyond survival. 

This is my passion today...

To share the truth that set me free and allowed me to become the creator of my "best life" vs the perpetual victim of life. 

The biggest lesson I learned about the emotional healing journey?

Is that its not about "fixing" what was broken

but about learning how to live.

This week...

Use your inner wisdom to guide you to a place where you are allowed to feel your pain and grow through it instead of staying stuck in it.

Thank the helpful friends who offer their sage advice and - find those who will allow you your voice. 

Seek comfort in compassion vs distraction.

Learning to sit with and go through our pain is how we grow beyond it. 

I'm sorry you suffered.

I'm sorry for the losses you experienced...

I feel angry knowing that there are many who have experienced RBT's* at the hand of those who were intended to love, honor and cherish...charged to nurture, guide and celebrate the life that lives in you.

And I'm so




You have chosen to share the journey.

We were powerless.

We are no more.

We can take back our todays

Create our tomorrows

And live the life we adore.

You've got the magic in you. 





You're on!

Let your light shine in the way you create your life.

It. Is. Never

"Too late".

Always there...


We can learn to live beyond the pain of the past and take back our tomorrows by the way we choose to live our today. 

True story:)

RBT's* = Really Bad Things (and I am so so sorry you or someone you know may have experienced RBT's) 

**(The opposite of of a constant focus on our pain is denying, avoiding and otherwise ignoring that I'm even in pain - listen in here for a story about that: Empowering Solutions on Blog Talk Radio with Heal My PTSD)

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

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Monday, April 16, 2012

Living far beyond survival....

A day in my journey of self discovery
September 29 2010
Newport Beach California

Today a note from the Empowering Solutions Community page...

For those of us who grew up in chaos, dysfunction, neglect, abuse or other physcial psychological, emotional violations we can be stuck in survival mode.

This is where we are on constant lookout for the next "shoe to drop", ready to "fight", "flight" or "freeze".

We are working and putting out so much energy to survive because we never learned how to "live".

We often lack the life, coping and social skills that are the foundation of a healthy, interdependent "self" and life.

The empowering solution for me became learning to recognize "survival" mode and being able to step back from that while I learned the life and coping skills that would enable me to create my"self" and "get a life" that I so desperately wanted and deserved.

We were wounded and left unprepared yes; the good news is that we can learn to give ourselves today what we did not get in our yesterdays.

The journey is one of self-discovery, the finding of our "self" and the inner wisdom that allows us to know what to do when in our head and experience we have no clue what to do.

We can learn to no longer be a victim of life but the creator of our best life where we are survivors of bad things but no longer live only to survive.

If you would like to get the daily notes and posts in your own Facebook stream you are invited to come by, "Like" the Empowering Solutions Community page and join this growing community:) Get there by clicking here. 

Always grateful you choose to share your light and life with us here:)

May you live in mucho massive amounts of the magic today!


PS....Click here to register to get more empowering solutions in your inbox and be on the list to receive my gift to you, my first ebook when it is published: Empowering Solutions: From the Beginning.

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!


Friday, April 13, 2012

Empowering Solutions at Blog Talk Radio....When Holidays Aren't Happy

This past past week was another Holiday....yet for SRBT's holidays aren't always happy and in fact can often be connected to our trauma experiences. 

From the Empowering Solutions page at Blog Talk Radio....
Too often Survivors of family dysfunction are left "holding the bag" so to speak. We have learned to "shut up and put up" with ongoing family drama that can quickly shift from uncomfortable to tension to subtle - or not so subtle - verbal or emotional or even physical abuse. 
Often we are left wondering whats "wrong" with us and we resort to isolation to avoid the pain of what the rest of the world views through the lens of Hallmark type happiness: the cards, the gifts, the fluff. This can serve only to make our sense of isolation and inadequacy seem amplified and reinforce the idea that if we aren't happy and joining in the festivities....that truly something IS wrong with us. 
Tune in for this special holiday edition for some em.powering solutions and discover how to write your own new ending to this type of fairy tale by learning to separate ourselves from our "normal" and know that its ok to create a new, healthy normal for ourselves. 
When Holidays Aren't Happy: Writing a New Ending! 

Listen to internet radio with Susanks on Blog Talk Radio

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What are some of your empowering solutions for making holidays happier? How do you set yourself up for success and avoid the drama that can come up?

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

 Go here to register to get more empowering solutions in your inbox and be on the list to receive my gift to you, my first ebook when it is published: Empowering Solutions: From the Beginning.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Bring It!

Heres the deal.

Those of us who can identify as SRBT's* grew up in situations and circumstances that often left us...

Feeling "different"


As though we are "figuring things out" as we go



Less than others

More than others



As though we don't have a clear sense of self and can become ...

A chameleon to situations and circumstances.

Some of us have unfortunately sought "help" only to be told we are 



And in general....


That our life sucks

Because we suck....

We aren't doing it right enough.

We aren't good enough.

If we tried harder..

Didn't try quite so hard.

Even todays new "trauma informed care" model is telling us very often that 

"Oh shit. You are broken forever and will never be more than you are and you are (fill in the blank)."

We walk away from this kind of "help" being brainwashed 

once more

by someone else's limited understanding and beliefs.

How do I know this?

Because I bought into this kind of "help"...

that really was not helpful

for a very long time.

And you know what I discovered?

Is that in their good intentions...

The ignorance of those who have not BTDT*...

(Or maybe they have been there but they have't done the work to resolve their own issues and now share their own limiting beliefs with others....)

Simply reinforced what I knew all along and had been told from the beginning of time...

That I was worthless, powerless and there was no hope for me.

That I was broken.


Damaged goods.

And would be


And it was only when I decided to no longer listen to those who had not BTDT and 

I began to listen to those who had traveled this path before me and emerged...

Not unscathed, mind you...

But emerged in their fullness, their power and 

owning the crap out of their power...

That I discovered the truth.

What was that truth?

My truth. 

Not "their" truth.

My truth.

The truth that set me free.

The truth that became the knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt....

That while I will never



be what I

could have been

had I not been




I will always



be more than what those who told me I would never be more than what I had experienced.

You got it going on:)

Shake it off.

Thats it...

Bring it....

Own the crap out of your power...

Game on! 

You da bomb!


*SRBT's = Survivors of Really Bad Things (are the most amazing people on the face of the earth!)

*BTDT = Been There Done That:)

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!


 Go here to register to get more empowering solutions in your inbox and be on the list to receive my gift to you, my first ebook when it is published: Empowering Solutions: From the Beginning.

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Missing Piece

I received this from a friend recently and since many of us are on such similar paths and seeking our own light and life....

I wanted to share with you:)

Here's to learning to bump, lift, pull and flop our way to a whole self and a whole life:)

You go! 


Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth! 

 Go here  to get more empowering solutions in your inbox and be on the list to receive my gift to you, my first ebook: Empowering Solutions: From the Beginning.