Being Positive vs Being Pollyanna - Guest Post by Dani of Positively Present

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In the past months I've heard from a variety of folks in comments and tweets about the “Pollyanna attitude” and the idea of “positive thinking” as a not so effective way of coping with and healing from trauma or dealing with life in general.

 This caused me to look at this a little deeper into both the “Pollyanna attitude” and the idea of “Positive thinking”.... today I wanted to introduce to you part 1 of a 2 part article by someone who has made a choice to live in positivity…I’d like to introduce you to Dani of “Positively Present”…

Being Positive vs. Being Pollyanna

By: Dani of Positively Present

"Just breathing isn't living!"

Pollyanna

Whether or not you've seen the films or read the book, you're probably familiar with the concept behind the well-known little girl named Pollyanna.

The character of Pollyanna possesses a life philosophy based on "The Glad Game," a perpetual game played by young Pollyanna in which she searches for the good in every situation she encounters.

Pollyanna's optimistic look at life has been both acclaimed and criticized, but the film illustrates that her positive outlook had not only the power to transform her world, but also the power to transform the people around her and the entire town in which she lived.

Throughout the film, Pollyanna did her best to see not only the good in herself, but the good in others as well. To quote her, "Instead of always harping on a man's faults, tell him of his virtues. Try to pull him out of his rut of bad habits. Hold up to him his better self, his real self that can dare and do and win out!"

Most people reading that quote are either nodding in agreement or trying to avoid being sick from the excess of positivity.

Interestingly, most people have a very positive or very negative reaction to the concept of optimism that is filtered through everything Pollyanna does or says -- so much so that there's even been a term created for the idea that is Pollyanna, known as the "Pollyanna Principle."

According to Wikipedia, "The Pollyanna principle (also called Pollyannaism or positive bias) describes the tendency for people to agree with positive statements describing themselves.

Research indicates that, at the unconscious level, our minds have a tendency to focus on the optimistic while, at the conscious level, we have a tendency to focus on the negative. This unconscious bias towards the positive is often described as the “Pollyanna principle."

Not surprisingly, some view this principle as a negative thing, an overuse of positivity that doesn't allow for reality to be truly examined. Others view this principle as foolproof words to live by, a foundation on which all words and actions can be built.

Personally, I believe there is a difference between what people perceive as Pollyannaism and what it really means to be positive. 

By definition, Pollyannaism implies that you ignore or avoid dealing with negative events, looking only for the good and denying the bad.

However, this is not the foundation of positive thinking (despite what many might believe).

Positive thinking, unlike Pollyannaism, acknowledges both negative and positive events and chooses to focus on the positive aspects rather than the negative ones.

Positive thinking means dealing with a negative event, allowing the appropriate amount of time for negative emotions to surface, and then moving on from the negativity by focusing on the positive.

To be continued...


About Dani

Dani, a twenty-something striving to live positively in the present moment, wrote this post. Dani’s blog, Positively Present, embraces the idea of “living happily ever after now” by focusing on all things positive. Dani is also the creator and author of Hope Springs Internal, a blog focusing on the positive representations of women in the media. You also find Dani on Twitter @positivepresent.

**

Join us here next time as Dani ties up this series with finding balance in our lives as we incorporate both the good and not so good things that shape our lives each day:)

You can register for free email notifications at the top left of this page so you don't miss Part 2 of Dani's insightful post! 

Life Lessons and Zebra's

Zebra Long Wing Butterfly

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Life Lessons from a Butterfly

let go of the past
trust the future
embrace change
come out of your cocoon
unfurl your wings
dare to get off the ground
ride the breezes
savor all the flowers
put on your brightest colors
let your beauty show

— Author Unknown

Over at Zebra Sounds Judy got me thinking about the life lessons that we learn from our life experiences.

You see - in the past I had believed the lie that I was the cause of all things bad in my life...so it was pretty impossible for me to see my life experiences from a positive perspective of life lessons.

So today I wanted to throw out there the idea that when we can begin to see ourselves as separate from others and life circumstances we become free to be that "student who is ready"...

Here are a few life lessons I've been picking up on lately....

1. When I stop trying to figure it out I usually figure it out:)

2. Insomnia is usually caused by #1

3. Eyes really are the window to the soul

4. Every behavior is an expression of an emotion; every emotion is the expression of a thought

5. I don’t have to know it all or do it all when I simply do my best

6. Multitasking is the cause of insanity:)

Q: What are some life lessons you've had lately?

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"Shame on You"

Collage by Susan 2008

"Freedom"

Something to think about today...

"Remorse" is feeling guilty for something I've done or said.

"Shame" on the other hand is feeling guilty for who I am, that I even exist.

Remorse is that thing that indicates that we understand how the things we have said or done have adversely affected someone else's life; remorse leads to a healthy society where we are considerate of others yet are able to separate ourselves from others (being "individual" in an "interdependent" society)

For example - I would feel "remorse" if my behavior of texting while driving resulted in injury to someone else in some way. (Is your car a "No Phone Zone"?)

I would feel bad and then have the motivation to change this behavior.

But "shame" is a whole different thing.

"Shame" would have me prostate on the floor begging for forgiveness or lashing out at others, defending myself and trying laying blame on someone or something else, searching out that I am still "ok" from someone else....

"He.....should have.....did this.....said that.....not my fault....I didn't mean to...."

DISTRAUGHT.

I would be experiencing the overwhelming emotional and cognitive distress that comes with living in

"Shame".

Where my value is defined by people places and things outside of myself.

Where I am apologizing for my very existence and feeling completely hopeless and helpless to feel any different and can easily find myself engaging in self harm behaviors or escaping in avoidance behaviors like addiction or dissociation as I cannot tolerate this innate sense of

worthlessness.

"Shame"

comes from a core belief that I am somehow defective, bad, wrong...that I in myself hold no value, can do nothing "right enough" or "good enough" and

unable to see myself as separate from others requiring validation that I am "ok" because I do not have that sense of intrinsic value that I am inherently "good" enough

just because

I

exist.

And IMHO...

The labels of "mental illness"...

reinforces this for many who seem to be "stuck" in their pain and unable to move forward, to get beyond it as the lens to the world is colored with words like

"disorder" and "disease"

which imply

"wrong"

"not good enough"

"sick"

and fuels hopelessness and dependence in finding value in being defined by others and that someone, somewhere will be able to "fix" me and "make me" feel

worthy

if I can just do what others tell me I need to "do"

right enough.

Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself-Part 2

Picture Credit here.

(def) paradigm |ˈparəˌdīm|

noun1 technical a typical example or pattern of something; a model : there is a new paradigm for public art in this country. See note at model .• a worldview underlying the theories and methodology of aparticular scientific subject : the discovery of universal gravitation became the paradigm of successful science.

Throughout my journey I have learned to rely more on my own ability to gain an understanding of and make decisions relating to the direction I have chosen to take (learning to fish for a lifetime) vs depending on others to provide me my answers or offer me my solutions (being "fed" for a day).

I had a need to understand the current "medical" or "biological" model of the mental health system and the psychology behind it.

I mean...I couldn't just go "off the deep end" and make things up - that would be, well, most would consider that to be "crazy". :)

I thought if I found an understanding of my issues and the available solutions - then maybe I could figure out what it was that I was doing "wrong"...

why I wasn't getting "better" after committing myself to following the instructions of the "providers" that held my life in their hands for over 15 years...

why I was still depressed, anxious, manic, irritable, my relationships were still volatile so isolation was my "safe place". Why I couldn't sleep for more than a few hours without waking and oftentimes unable to get back to sleep.

Why after 15 years of "therapy" and "meds"....the "magic combination" hadn't been found for me still.

What I found in my research, education, through my own experience, insight and in conversations with my providers themselves after having "woken up" from the deep cognitive and emotional trance of living in a drugged stupor all those years....

is that they - the "providers" of these "mental health" services" - really didn't know how to help me and relied on "meds" and "talk therapy" to "manage" my thoughts, emotions and behaviors; they "needed" me to be "biologically defective" in order to fit into their "paradigm".

"Wellness" was not a part of their beliefs - their "paradigm" - in the "biological" model of "mental illness".

And I wanted more from life than what this "paradigm" offered me.

You can read Creating A New Paradigm...For Myself Part 1 here.

You can read I wanted to understand this "Paradigm..." here.

**

I hope you'll join me here again as I continue to unravel this idea of "paradigm" and making that mind-shift from dependence on others for my answers to finding and creating my own paradigm of "wellness" based on my personal belief that with new information I could make the choice to find "wellness".

The next article in this series will post next week - I'd like to invite you to register for email updates (on sidebar) to be notified of new content.

I wanted to understand this "Paradigm" of "Mental Illness"

Map of Science

(def) paradigm |ˈparəˌdīm|

noun1 technical a typical example or pattern of something; a model : there is a new paradigm for public art in this country. See note at model .• a worldview underlying the theories and methodology of aparticular scientific subject : the discovery of universal gravitation became the paradigm of successful science.

Throughout my journey I have learned to rely more on my own ability to gain an understanding of and make decisions relating to the direction I have chosen to take (learning to fish for a lifetime) vs depending on others to provide me my answers or offer me my solutions (being "fed" for a day).

Today I wanted to introduce just a few of the ideas that I've taken into consideration that has empowered me to take charge of my healing journey and make that shift from dependence on people, places and things to define, label or "fix" me and begin to see myself as my own best resource...and advocate...as I made that shift from viewing myself through the paradigm of "illness" and created my own paradigm of "wellness".

You can read Creating A New Paradigm...For Myself Part 1 here.

At the online Encyclopedia, Wikepedia, Kuhn defines a scientific paradigm as:.

• what is to be observed and scrutinized
• the kind of questions that are supposed to be asked and probed for answers in relation to this subject
• how these questions are to be structured
• how the results of scientific investigations should be interpreted

Below are a few links on the research behind the field of Psychiatry, as we know it...

i.e. the industry and persons charged with constructing, asking and answering those questions that have created the currently accepted paradigm of the last 50 or 60 years about "mental illness", how it is defined, communicated, viewed and ultimately....how it and those given these diagnosis are treated and the therapies used to do so:

• "An SSRI maker flew my entire group to a Caribbean island," remembered a doctor from the East coast who did not want to be identified. Anymore. Source: No free pens....but big pharma influence still felt at Psychiatric meeting

• "After reports that most donations made to the big advocacy group came from drug makers in recent years, NAMI agreed to disclose its funding sources". Source: Read about Senetor Charles Grassley's investigation into the major source of NAMI's funding here.

• Read the article from the New York Times reporting that NAMI is funded largely by "Big Pharma" as exposed by Senator Grassley in 2009

• A video by Robert Whitaker on "Rethinking Psychiatric Care"

• Visit the National Empowerment Center and read about Daniel Fisher who became a psychiatrist after recovering from "Schizophrenia"

• At Amazon you can find the work of Dr. Colin Ross who as a psychiatrist is able to tell us the good, the bad and the truly ugly secrets behind psychiatry as it has become known. "Trauma Model: A solution to the problem of Co Morbidity in psychiatry" and his personal story and frustrations with the industry of psychiatry in "The Great Psychiatry Scam"

• Read recovery stories from those who've found their way out of the cycle of dependence on drugs to manage their mental wellness at the Blog rated #3 as "Top Health Blog" among numerous other awards as related to health and mental health issues. Source: Beyond Meds by Gianna Kali

• Read the post "A Tale Of Two Boys" that causes me to consider not only what we do to ourselves as adults, but the plight of the children who suffer and struggle.

• Read my personal story of how I was "groomed" to enter and participate in the "mental health system" here. "A bit of a rant, part of my story...how I became "suicidal".
• 
  
• And again...take a look at Robert Whitakers book that methodically and systematically reveals the Psychiatric industry as a huge marketing machine....

• And the DSM V; the "Bible" of psychiatric diagnosis - 68% of those charged with this newest version - the "DSM V" - reveal that they have ties to the Pharmaceutical Industry.

So here I've laid out for you some of the information that has influenced how I view the paradigm of "mental illness" and how I began to make that mind-shift to claiming this new paradigm of "wellness" for myself...

And hopefully I have reassured you that I didn't go off the "deep end" or a "witch hunt" against the millions of Doctors, Therapists and other helpers who have oftentimes affected and changed our lives for the better...and sometimes saved them.

In fact, this understanding has empowered me to understand these relationships better and made me a better advocate for myself and freeing me from that dependence to be "fed for a day".

I hope you'll join me here again as I continue to unravel this idea of "paradigm" and making that mind-shift from dependence on others for my answers to finding and creating my own paradigm of "wellness" based on my personal belief that with new information I could make the choice to find "wellness".

I hope you'll check the June 2010 archives and read more in the series "Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself".

What is Love?

Recently I posted a touching story about the "Sting of Stigma and Unconditional Love" here.

And for the longest time I've thought about writing a post on the idea of "What is Love"? Well, Mel's story about her friend Julie's journey and death following her diagnosis of "mental illness" seemed the right prompt for this post as we approach the end of "Mental Health Awareness Month" for 2010.

There are two things that truly suck about this struggle to maintain psychological integrity - the first is being given that free, lifetime membership to "Club M.I." without asking for it. That stigmatizing "mark" that goes with the label of "diagnosis" that often leads to discrimination or being treated differently, sometimes as "less than".

The second is how this label affects relationships with the people who could make the biggest difference in the life of someone who is struggling with mental health issues from family and friends - to Medical Providers, Doctors and Therapists.

These are often the people we turn to when we are needing that "soft place to fall" when life's journey hits a rough patch. Unfortunately these are oftentimes the same people who can compound the problem by offering "conditional" love and acceptance vs the unconditional love that Mel gave her friend, Julie, as she was dying from a disease that may have been curable - had she not been labeled "mentally ill" and her physical needs gone unmet. (In the comments of this post you can read how Suzanne nearly died when her physical complaints were attributed to her being a "hypochondriac" and "delusional" - click here to read.)

In Mel's story I noticed first her attitude toward Julie as being one of acceptance of Julie as she was with no inkling of judgement or attempt to minimize Julie's experience or effort to influence her in order to make Mel feel more comfortable...

"She was so amazing. Funny thing was I always told her I didn't think she was bipolar, some would view her as acting crazy at times but strangely I saw it as being in another dimension or something."

And I saw compassion for her friend's situation...."I never told her that seeing men in trees was her imagination, just that I couldn't see them."

So what is "love" - I mean true, selfless love? Love that put's another's needs before my own?

It's the love that says "in all your muck, your crap, your issues....I will stand beside you through it all..."

Q: What does "unconditional love" look like in your world?

Susan Boyle - Who I Was Born To Be

I am finally free..

I am who I was born to be.

I Didn't Know My Own Strength...

I thought I might break...

I didn't know my own strength

I was not built to break

I didn't know my own strength

I knew that as long as I didn't give up...I knew that I would find my answers...

I knew that I would win.

True Confessions: Is it possible?

Yesterday over at Heal My PTSD Michele posted a confession. She boldly stepped up and addressed what many don't want to look at; the labels and stigma associated with mental health issues.

One comment Michele had was this..."Alas, we don’t always get to choose our labels. We do, however, get to choose how we wear them."

Click HERE to read the entire post and related comments.

This was the beginning of a lively discussion about the label of PTSD and mental illness....below is one of the comments I left on this post:

What a wonderful discussion! So many varied views, opinions and perspectives! It is so wonderful to know that many, like you Marie, are finding therapists who know how to diagnose and treat PTSd as what it is - a psychological injury to be healed rather than an “illness” that has no cure.

And I totally agree that there are as many views and perspectives on PTSd and “mental illness” as there are people who wear that badge of honor.

Truth is though - that while PTSd is beginning to finally be recognized as that “injury” vs organic or biological “illness” - the stigma found in society regarding mental health issues in general is, as we all know, very real and extremely limiting and painful to those who face this discrimination every day by family, friends, neighbors, employers and yes - physicians and therapists as we are told that it is not possible to heal this “injury” and must learn to “manage” this “illness” instead of being guided in how to “live” beyond it….and in spite of it.

Personally - I believe that the “symptoms” of however you want to label this thing - can be used to begin to create a path - a map - out of the jungle. “This is where I’m at and THIS is where I want to be; now how am I going to get there?”

I also believe that we as “survivors of horrible things” need to be honored. Our experiences need to be validated. To do less is demeaning and disrespectful.

I also have the understanding of having hung on to my “diagnosis” and other labels related to mental health issues was perhaps a way for me to find that validation in some form, to have those life events, my experiences, my feelings, thoughts validated. To let go of “diagnosis” and “symptoms” and “managing” was scary. It was that place where I stepped to the edge of the cliff and kept going, believing I would find my way regardless of what the professionals said.

I think it is possible to both have our experiences validated and become a whole person. In other words, I have had cancer but I don’t define myself as a cancer survivor. I am a person who had cancer, did the treatment, had the surgery.

I still do rehabilitation exercises for the many surgeries even 10 years later and live with chronic pain from those surgeries and reconstructions - but this is not what my focus or conversation is each day. I don’t define myself as a “cancer survivor” nor do I join support groups that years later ruminate and focus on how horrible it is to have had and survived cancer. To do so steals my energy and limits my ability to live a full life because my focus would be on what “was” (the past) vs. what “is” (my potential).

So yes - I believe that we can have our experiences validated AND I believe that we can use whatever diagnosis we have been given to begin to find our way out of instead of living in the nightmare of past traumas (and other "mental health" issues). And then - we can model this to the world and say “it is possible to heal”…follow me.

Q: So, I'm curious. How do YOU view the labels that come with mental health issues? And - do you believe it is possible to USE these labels to find healing and wholeness and why do you believe this?

Trick Question! Pain? Or No Pain?

I posted this on my FaceBook page a few days ago: If you were given a choice to choose to be free of the pain of the past or choose an opporunity to learn to create your own best life - what would you choose? Exactly!

Trick question...or is it?

I think it is safe to assume that everyone - or most everyone - would like to be free of the pain of the past. To let go of the emotional distress and internal pain and conflict, to quiet the noise of a racing mind. To find peace from the cognitive distortions that can leave us feeling afraid and unsure. To quench the idea that suicide or other self harming/self destructive behavior is the only relief to be found from the torment of a mind that seems uncontrollable and a past that haunts us day and night.

But does everyone - or most everyone - know they have options and can learn to create their best life after being diagnosed with a mental illness? That it is possible to not simply survive day to day by managing symptoms and coping...but to live, to thrive, to dream and to reach for, to live each day to its fullest? To become all they are capable of being?

For a long time, I didn't.

But that changed when I met someone who had been there and done that - and was willing to shine and share their light on a new path in my journey. It was a path that had been there all along, but I hadn't seen it through the darkness and chaos of a racing mind and sense of hopelessness and helplessness that I could ever be and be "ok".

It was a path where I discovered that under the brush and weeds of the dark jungle in my mind, I found that I had had what I needed to find my way out of the darkest places within myself; that it had been there all along and I needed only to learn how to access this wisdom within myself.

I learned that I had the power to change my life - that I had a choice other than to continue to live at the mercy of racing thoughts and unstable emotions.

Here is the correction I posted on my FaceBook page: Lets revise that! A choice to STAY in the pain of the past or choose to be free of it - which would you choose?

"Managing" the symptoms of "mental illness" served only to help me survive another day, another night only to repeat that process the next day, week, month and eventually years; there was no freedom, I was prisoner to this torment. My life revolved around and was consumed by simply surviving, trying to hold the demons at bay.

Yet I have since found freedom. I discovered that I did not have to STAY in that pain and avoidance; that I could choose to be free of it. Free of the emotional instability, the cognitive distortions that colored my reality, the hopelessness that I could ever have more, the helplessness that kept me dependent on sources outside of myself to guide my life, the belief that to cope and survive was the best I could hope for.

I discovered that I could LEARN how to live in the self awareness and develop the insight that has allowed me to find freedom from the pain of the past and and create my best life - which is simply the life of my choosing each day.

*****

If you are looking for resources I've posted some links here. Not an exhaustive collection by any means but a good place to start :)

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Photo credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonigirl/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Knowledge is Power and Truth Sets Us Free

'You may not yet be able to bring your unconscious mind activity into awareness as thoughts, but it will always be reflected in the body as an emotion, and of this you can become aware." --Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment Page 22

As I sat in the office of this new therapist, I wondered just what the hell I had gotten myself into. I wasn't sure about this person. She seemed a bit "new agey" and that didn't mesh well with the ideals of the religion I had submitted to for 10 years where pretty much anyone who didn't walk, talk, think, breath and do the way the leaders of the church did were to be shunned and said to be of the devil himself.

But I had left religion - not faith mind you, but RELIGION ie a faith based on "doing" over the spiritual connection that I found in simply being and accepting myself as I was without judgement - I had left that 15 years ago. Imagine that. After 15 years the brainwashing and judgement still crept into and affected my ability to have a mind and opinions of my own.

I don't recall the exact conversations of those first few months as I was still struggling with memory recall after being on potent psychotropic medications these past 15 years so while I was free of the religious conditioning I was still under the affect of the drugs I had been prescribed. Thankfully, over time my ability to remember, recall and attend, the psychosis and paranoia faded as my body and brain returned to their natural drug free state.

What I do recall of this day and conversation that was actually several weeks and perhaps a couple of months into this new therapy relationship was her saying "So just try being aware of those thoughts" as I told her how my head was spinning and I couldn't even leave my apartment to do laundry without a complete meltdown.

And this is where my journey turned down a new bend as I practiced with mindful awareness and began to learn how to listen to and trust my own thoughts, emotions/feelings and connect to my body and to my "self" after a lifetime of being defined by others.

So today...just try being aware of those thoughts. Without judgement or ridicule of yourself or anyone else. Just for a moment....listen

to you...

and just

be.