Accepting Peace

Photo Credit

When we cannot accept our suffering we cannot accept peace either. Resisting our trials and struggling against them, holding ourselves closed in resistance, poised for battle we are blocking the peace that comes when we can open ourselves to and embrace not the pain in itself but the acceptance of the experience as a life lesson that has become our teacher. ~ A Zebism

This thought stemmed from a conversation with a friend who is experiencing some terrible pain and aguish…and caused me to ask the question "why do I not feel as though I am suffering"... the cognitive and emotional distress that I once did that was the impetuous for the many "diagnosis" I wore those years I was seeking my answers from the mental health providers.

And it came down to this zen-like idea of "acceptance".

In western style thinking it was "letting go of why" and making that mind-shift to ""it is" and it is something that I cannot control or change".

This is where that change happened for me.

Check back tomorrow to see the note I posted in my Facebook account titled "Paying Homage To The Past" and how letting go of being "mad at the world" freed me to grieve the losses of a lifetime.

In the meantime - check this article out over at Urban Monk about the denial and acceptance of suffering….and compassion.

And may the light shine for you today that you may find peace in your pain.

Namaste.

Another post you may enjoy -"I became the student who was ready" and this one from my tumblr blog "be dorothy do a nike" about that leap of faith it takes somedays.

Q: What is it that influences your level of peace when you are experiencing the suffering of emotional or cognitive (thoughts) symptoms of distress?

Claire Did A Doodle!

Doodle credit here:)

Thank you Claire!

Recently I finished a little series that I did on the idea that it was possible to make that mind-shift from "illness" to one of "wellness". You can check out part 1 here...and part 2 here and the conclusion to the series here.

And if I've missed anything you can jump up to the top left corner of your page and search the entire blog for "paradigm":)

So anyway - this series got my friend, Claire, wondering about that word..."paradigm". And she went off on a bit of an adventure to see what all the hoopla was about...

As things happen - Claire is an artist; a doodler and a bit of a comic on top of being a student in search of her degree in counseling somewhere in England just north of Liverpool (so she says in her "About me" page :-)

The picture at the top of the page is the "doodle" that Claire came up with after reading the series here that got her thinking of that dastardly word "paradigm" that started this quest of Claires...and I'd like to invite you to drop by her blog to read the very interesting article she wrote about this facinating word...

Paradigm.

You can visit this page at Claire's blog by clicking....here.

Enjoy your visit to Claire's House...and please remember to leave a message telling her that you dropped by via that blog that has the really cool Zebra photo!

Q: What do you think of when you hear that word - "Paradigm"?

I. WILL. WIN.

When I didn't know where my solution was

or even where to look

I hung onto this

As long as I don't give up...

I. WILL. WIN.

If you'll read in my "About Susan" and other pages, you'll notice that I don't adhere much to the traditional model of psychiatry, therapy or "illness" - anymore.

But I used to.

Faithfully.

And in that commitment what I realized is that every time the "diagnosis" changed over those nearly 2 decades - I "became" whatever it was that they - the doctors, therapists...the "providers" and "professionals" told me I was.

And in hindsight - each time the doctor would change the diagnosis, she would (faithfully) ask me if I agreed with it. And faithfully I would nod my head and say "yes".

With the hope that perhaps...just maybe....this time she would find that "magic pill" - or rather combination of the many pills I took - that would make me happy, confident...courageous enough to somehow just "get over" the demons that rumbled through my brain and taunted me in my thoughts 24/7.

And while she never did find that "right combination" for me - no magic pill to take away the depression that immobilized me or the sadness that seemed to envelop me and follow me like a faithful puppy or end the anxiety that had earned me the label "agoraphobic"...or the "personality disorders" that said I was defective from the "core" of my being...

I found my way - in spite of it all.

And it began with a knowing, a trusting, a belief that if I kept putting one foot in front of the other, seeking my own answers instead of waiting to be "fixed" or "taken care of"...

That I would win.

And while that sounds "easy" enough....at the same time I had to figure out how to use the resources - the same doctors and therapists - who continued to try to fit me into their box of "ill".

And I kept going, in spite of theirs and others repeated efforts to get me to continue to try to find that "magic pill". As they and others kept telling me that I needed "meds" and therapy for the rest of my life...that my emotions were broken, my thoughts were muddled and "wrong" somehow...

And I realized through it all that while the intentions were good...the advice they were giving me kept me dependent on them and the "meds" to cope and manage my thoughts and emotions and ultimately my behavior as the "meds" kept my mind dull and my emotions flat.

And today - I have become my own best resource and advocate. Today I live free of dependence on others to direct, orchestrate or coordinate or medicate my life to the standards that others have set for me.

Today I run my own race and today I can honestly say that I have won - not because I found that "magic pill"...

But because I realized that I could learn to recognize the deeply ingrained and silent beliefs that fueled the tormenting thoughts that fed the roller coaster ride of emotions that in turn motivated the behaviors of "acting out" and "acting in" that can result in the label "mentally ill".

And I learned how to grieve the past that tormented me and found freedom...

And peace.

**

I hope you'll join me here each week as I blog about and share my journey from "illness" to "wellness"...and on Blog Talk Radio the first Thursday of each month as I do my best to share the information that offered me the awareness that empowered me to travel this journey of self discovery, hope and healing.

Namaste.

Read this...

I wanted to understand this "Paradigm" of "Mental Illness"

Map of Science

(def) paradigm |ˈparəˌdīm|

noun1 technical a typical example or pattern of something; a model : there is a new paradigm for public art in this country. See note at model .• a worldview underlying the theories and methodology of aparticular scientific subject : the discovery of universal gravitation became the paradigm of successful science.

Throughout my journey I have learned to rely more on my own ability to gain an understanding of and make decisions relating to the direction I have chosen to take (learning to fish for a lifetime) vs depending on others to provide me my answers or offer me my solutions (being "fed" for a day).

Today I wanted to introduce just a few of the ideas that I've taken into consideration that has empowered me to take charge of my healing journey and make that shift from dependence on people, places and things to define, label or "fix" me and begin to see myself as my own best resource...and advocate...as I made that shift from viewing myself through the paradigm of "illness" and created my own paradigm of "wellness".

You can read Creating A New Paradigm...For Myself Part 1 here.

At the online Encyclopedia, Wikepedia, Kuhn defines a scientific paradigm as:.

• what is to be observed and scrutinized
• the kind of questions that are supposed to be asked and probed for answers in relation to this subject
• how these questions are to be structured
• how the results of scientific investigations should be interpreted

Below are a few links on the research behind the field of Psychiatry, as we know it...

i.e. the industry and persons charged with constructing, asking and answering those questions that have created the currently accepted paradigm of the last 50 or 60 years about "mental illness", how it is defined, communicated, viewed and ultimately....how it and those given these diagnosis are treated and the therapies used to do so:

• "An SSRI maker flew my entire group to a Caribbean island," remembered a doctor from the East coast who did not want to be identified. Anymore. Source: No free pens....but big pharma influence still felt at Psychiatric meeting

• "After reports that most donations made to the big advocacy group came from drug makers in recent years, NAMI agreed to disclose its funding sources". Source: Read about Senetor Charles Grassley's investigation into the major source of NAMI's funding here.

• Read the article from the New York Times reporting that NAMI is funded largely by "Big Pharma" as exposed by Senator Grassley in 2009

• A video by Robert Whitaker on "Rethinking Psychiatric Care"

• Visit the National Empowerment Center and read about Daniel Fisher who became a psychiatrist after recovering from "Schizophrenia"

• At Amazon you can find the work of Dr. Colin Ross who as a psychiatrist is able to tell us the good, the bad and the truly ugly secrets behind psychiatry as it has become known. "Trauma Model: A solution to the problem of Co Morbidity in psychiatry" and his personal story and frustrations with the industry of psychiatry in "The Great Psychiatry Scam"

• Read recovery stories from those who've found their way out of the cycle of dependence on drugs to manage their mental wellness at the Blog rated #3 as "Top Health Blog" among numerous other awards as related to health and mental health issues. Source: Beyond Meds by Gianna Kali

• Read the post "A Tale Of Two Boys" that causes me to consider not only what we do to ourselves as adults, but the plight of the children who suffer and struggle.

• Read my personal story of how I was "groomed" to enter and participate in the "mental health system" here. "A bit of a rant, part of my story...how I became "suicidal".
• 
  
• And again...take a look at Robert Whitakers book that methodically and systematically reveals the Psychiatric industry as a huge marketing machine....

• And the DSM V; the "Bible" of psychiatric diagnosis - 68% of those charged with this newest version - the "DSM V" - reveal that they have ties to the Pharmaceutical Industry.

So here I've laid out for you some of the information that has influenced how I view the paradigm of "mental illness" and how I began to make that mind-shift to claiming this new paradigm of "wellness" for myself...

And hopefully I have reassured you that I didn't go off the "deep end" or a "witch hunt" against the millions of Doctors, Therapists and other helpers who have oftentimes affected and changed our lives for the better...and sometimes saved them.

In fact, this understanding has empowered me to understand these relationships better and made me a better advocate for myself and freeing me from that dependence to be "fed for a day".

I hope you'll join me here again as I continue to unravel this idea of "paradigm" and making that mind-shift from dependence on others for my answers to finding and creating my own paradigm of "wellness" based on my personal belief that with new information I could make the choice to find "wellness".

I hope you'll check the June 2010 archives and read more in the series "Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself".

Claiming A New Paradigm...For Myself

So back to the idea of "can we shift from a mindset of "illness" to one of "wellness"...

Part of making that shift from "illness" to "wellness" mindset was choosing to see "diagnosis" and "symptoms" as something I can learn to change vs. seeing these labels as something I "have"...and I have no control over or power to change.

In talking with others I've noticed how they, like me in the past, talk about their mental wellness - or lack of it - as though it is a "thing".

And while it's true that this is the message we've been getting since Bill W. called alcoholism a "disease of the mind"...I found that in owning this message I was left feeling very dis-empowered. Or if you've been around for awhile, you may notice this is an idea that falls under that concept of "feeling powerless" (click to listen to what I said about "powerless" on BTR)

I felt powerless to change because I viewed my coping mechanisms of "acting out"; irritability, anger, aggression, hyper-vigilance ie the "lashing out" at the world and others - as well as the "acting in"; depression, dissociation, insomnia aka the "self harming" behaviors -as related to this "diagnosis" that told me that I had some "genetic" mutation in my genes that made it impossible to change"it" or the behaviors related to it.

By "buying into" the idea that my emotional and cognitive distress was something I "had" ie "I HAVE (fill in the blank with whatever your "diagnosis" or "symptom" is)..."

I was left feeling as though I had no power to change my life because that is what I had been told by the providers of...and is the "standard of care" in the biological, genetic, medical, disease model of mental health issues.

It was hard letting go of this paradigm of "care"...

I mean....come on; these guys are the "doctors", the "providers".....

Yes; but they are not "god".

And I gave them 15 years of my life to "fix me"....

But I found "wellness" when I gave up "illness" as my chosen "paradigm".

Next time....a look at what is a "paradigm" in the sciences....

Q: How have you claimed your own power recently?

You're Bi Polar...Wait, No; Your "Borderline". Wait No...PTSd and Misdiagnosis

When we hone in on "diagnosis" as our source of hope and solution to our issues, we might be giving up some of our own power and find ourselves clinging to "diagnosis" as it becomes who we are instead of as an identifier that can guide us to the light.

Shifting from managing an "illness" to discovering "wellness" began for me when I was able to recognize that I clung so desperately to "diagnosis" and the related labels because without it....I had no other hope.

Michele Rosenthal of Heal My PTSD at Blog Talk Radio talks about PTSD from the perspective of the family that supported her...as well as the too frequent misdiagnosis of PTSd as "Bi Polar Disorder" and even "Borderline Personality Disorder" as well as the stress related issues of "Fibromyalgia" and other "psychosomatic" disorders.

Click here to listen to this amazing and insightful segment.

Practice Practice!

In my journeys around the world of blogging I recently stopped by to visit Anja Merret's post on Missing this very moment - here is the comment I left behind:

"Anja; what a terrific question! It took me a good bit of effort to find the awareness that you speak of - seeing that this moment is a good place and being able to discern the past and future from it. I have found that it takes practice to make that decision to stay in the moment...our thoughts come and go at the speed of lightening but I believe it is possible to learn to be aware that I am following the past or running into the future and stay right where I want to be - in this present moment...."

The question has come up on just how do we begin to "live in the moment"...and while I am not a Buddest monk that has studied for decades the massive subject of enlightenment nor am I a Rhodes scholar with a doctorate in anything other than life.

What I am though is someone who has "been there and done that" in searching for my own answers to my own life dilemma's, including getting over the bump in the road when it comes to worrying about the mysteries the future holds or ruminating over the mistakes I made in the past - whether it was half an hour ago or a decade left in the dust.

And here's the secret: it takes awareness.

Like Anja shares in her post - awareness that my thoughts are again out of control and running to the past or the future at the speed of light - hither and yon at the speed of sound, spinning my brain like a strawberry milkshake in the blender if I'm not careful :-)

And it takes (here's the hard part - no easy answers, sorry guys) - it takes practice.

Practicing being aware of my thoughts and knowing that I am in the norm of the population whose thoughts wonder from Nova Scotcia to England and back again and then a short jaunt to Austrailia before I land back at the ball game where my physical body happens to be planted on the sidelines and - OOPS! How did that guy get on 2nd base already? (see how that works?) *grin* GOTCHA! It takes practice to catch our minds wondering and then reining them back into the moment :-0

So - these are the grand words that I have to share today on the subject of living in the moment and the path I have taken to conquer living in the land of oz where I was present in body...but not "present".....

So heres the deal: girls do it. boys do it. We all let our minds wonder from here to there and back again - the key is to be aware that we are doing it and then choosing to grab the bull by the horns (so to speak) and recognize when we are off lost in the memories of past failures (or success') or floundering in the fears of the future. With a little practice and being mindfully aware of our thoughts that may be wondering about... we can rein ourselves in and seize today!

I live now and only now, and I will do what I want to do this moment and not what I decided was best for me yesterday. - Hugh Prather