Black and white - the Zebra effect

Ok; well I've been thinking a lot about the "how" behind finding my way out of that dark place where I lived for so many years and the "labels" that I accepted and the language that I used that had a huge impact on my state of mind.

In the past I've written about how as I entered the mental health system I took on and accepted the labels given to me in the way of "diagnosis" and "symptoms". I became and lived the labels that were given me. (Click here to see my posts related to "labels")

So whats in a label? It's just words, right?

Remember the nursery rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...?

As a child I tried to believe this, but it was tough because the things that were said to me and about me carved a hole in my being that affected my sense of self and reinforced that sense of hopelessness and shame that something was wrong with me - but I didn't know what that was.

Here is a quote from the work of David Burns about labels:

Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to yourself: "I’m a loser." You might also label yourself "a fool" or "a failure" or "a jerk." Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but "fools," "losers," and "jerks" do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration, and low self-esteem.

You also label others. When someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself: "He’s an S.O.B." Then you feel that the problem is with that person’s "character" or "essence" instead of with their thinking or behavior. You see them as totally bad. This makes you feel hostile and hopeless about improving things and leaves little room for constructive communication.

So part of the idea behind "labels" was learning to recognize that I was using labels in my conversations or accepting labels that others defined for me. Either way - my sense of well being is affected by the labels and words I and others use and I accept.

In the past, if I made a mistake the first thought I would have is "stupid" which served only to reinforce that sense of powerlessness that permeated my being as I could never "do or say anything right".

I also viewed the world through those dark lenses as my first response to a lot of situations had some sort of negative label attached to it. Instead of the first day of the week being Monday - it was "Monday's are awful". Just adding that extra label of "awful" set my mood and created the tone or mindset for the entire day.

On the freeway, a driver who cut me off was a "jerk" instead of a driver who cut me off. It didn't take me long to realize how "road rage" became such an issue :)

These are some pretty simple examples of labels but the idea behind it is that the thoughts I think become the words I speak and sets the pace for my state of mind and the actions or behaviors I choose.

It took time, but with awareness I was able to identify when I was in that place where I was viewing myself, others and the world and circumstances around me as "all good" or "all bad". 

With practice I was able to "see" that I was resorting to that "black and white" thinking that fueled my insecurities and drama that had become my life and relationships. 

And with compassion for myself and the people in my life I began to acknowledge that life really wasn't all-or-nothing or "black and white" - but in time, I began to see how there was at first shades of gray and then muted shades of color in the world. 

...just becoming aware of how I was using labels in my language was the first step to being able to use my language to choose to consciously create the change in my life that would set me free from that place of "black and white" thinking and begin to see the color in my world.

True Confessions: Is it possible?

Yesterday over at Heal My PTSD Michele posted a confession. She boldly stepped up and addressed what many don't want to look at; the labels and stigma associated with mental health issues.

One comment Michele had was this..."Alas, we don’t always get to choose our labels. We do, however, get to choose how we wear them."

Click HERE to read the entire post and related comments.

This was the beginning of a lively discussion about the label of PTSD and mental illness....below is one of the comments I left on this post:

What a wonderful discussion! So many varied views, opinions and perspectives! It is so wonderful to know that many, like you Marie, are finding therapists who know how to diagnose and treat PTSd as what it is - a psychological injury to be healed rather than an “illness” that has no cure.

And I totally agree that there are as many views and perspectives on PTSd and “mental illness” as there are people who wear that badge of honor.

Truth is though - that while PTSd is beginning to finally be recognized as that “injury” vs organic or biological “illness” - the stigma found in society regarding mental health issues in general is, as we all know, very real and extremely limiting and painful to those who face this discrimination every day by family, friends, neighbors, employers and yes - physicians and therapists as we are told that it is not possible to heal this “injury” and must learn to “manage” this “illness” instead of being guided in how to “live” beyond it….and in spite of it.

Personally - I believe that the “symptoms” of however you want to label this thing - can be used to begin to create a path - a map - out of the jungle. “This is where I’m at and THIS is where I want to be; now how am I going to get there?”

I also believe that we as “survivors of horrible things” need to be honored. Our experiences need to be validated. To do less is demeaning and disrespectful.

I also have the understanding of having hung on to my “diagnosis” and other labels related to mental health issues was perhaps a way for me to find that validation in some form, to have those life events, my experiences, my feelings, thoughts validated. To let go of “diagnosis” and “symptoms” and “managing” was scary. It was that place where I stepped to the edge of the cliff and kept going, believing I would find my way regardless of what the professionals said.

I think it is possible to both have our experiences validated and become a whole person. In other words, I have had cancer but I don’t define myself as a cancer survivor. I am a person who had cancer, did the treatment, had the surgery.

I still do rehabilitation exercises for the many surgeries even 10 years later and live with chronic pain from those surgeries and reconstructions - but this is not what my focus or conversation is each day. I don’t define myself as a “cancer survivor” nor do I join support groups that years later ruminate and focus on how horrible it is to have had and survived cancer. To do so steals my energy and limits my ability to live a full life because my focus would be on what “was” (the past) vs. what “is” (my potential).

So yes - I believe that we can have our experiences validated AND I believe that we can use whatever diagnosis we have been given to begin to find our way out of instead of living in the nightmare of past traumas (and other "mental health" issues). And then - we can model this to the world and say “it is possible to heal”…follow me.

Q: So, I'm curious. How do YOU view the labels that come with mental health issues? And - do you believe it is possible to USE these labels to find healing and wholeness and why do you believe this?

I am not a can of soup

Hmmmph.

Today I'm struggling with finding my voice. I feel fear at speaking up and voicing my true thoughts and opinions. I fear being judged and ridiculed for having an opinion as for too long I lived in a family system that discouraged any form of autonomy. Yet - I am choosing today to not accept this as my story any longer.

For too long I wore the labels that others gave me; at the expense of developing any sense of self or feeling of control over my life or life choices.

As a small child one label I wore was "brat"; others were stupid, selfish, idiot. In time more labels were added to the list like whore and slut (thanks dad).

When I was married "bitch" was added to the list.

And when I got away from the violence in my marriage I became a "victim".

When I entered the mental health system - a whole but injured person - I was given the label "mentally ill", "addict" and "alcoholic" to wear along with the sub-labels of "depressed", "bi polar", "dysthymic", "paranoid", "psychotic" among others.

And I wore each and every one of these labels very, very well. I carried the shame and believed that I was "less than", that I was broken beyond repair.

And today I am speaking up to say - I am not a label.

I am. Period.

I exist and I have every right to exist, to breath, to experience a world and a life that knows no boundaries, to decide what kind of person I will be, what kind of future that I will live.

Today - I write my own story and continue to shed the labels that in the past have left me feeling helpless to improve my lot in life and hopeless that I even could have a life of my own choosing.

Today - if I was to wear a label I will choose it. And today I would choose to "label" myself as curious, intelligent, caring, wonderful, kind, considerate, empowered, brave and courageous....

Today - I am and I am free.

Intellect and Insight

"Insight is the light in the darkness"

Photo by Susan 2010

"Intellectualizing" and "insight" are two buzzwords that seem to carry quite a bit of weight in the field of mental health....and are also very vague in application to ones own journey.

So what's the diff?

Well - lets think about it for a minute.

Intellectualizing to me is the shopping for that "nugget of truth"; it's like going to the supermarket and holding up a can of tomatoes and reading the ingredients to determines which brand will be most economical, which variety has the spices that will best serve the recipe I"m putting together.

In the Dictionary:

intellect |ˈintlˌekt|nounthe faculty of reasoning and understanding objectively

It's the taking in of information that will empower me to make the best choice for my purposes.

It's also a term often used in the mental health industry where I was discouraged from doing exactly this - taking in information that I could make my own choices about how my journey would play out...

I saw the providers as the authority - and since I doubted myself so deeply - I had committed to being a malleable "patient" - a "good" patient that was compliant and submissive to their authority, I accepted the labels they offered and their assessment that there was no hope or solution to what they had termed an "illness" and that I was "disordered".

"Intellectualizing" therefore was discouraged in my journey through the mental health system under the (perhaps well intended but harmful) assumption that since I had experienced emotional and cognitive distress that I was therefore incapable of coming to my own conclusions and was "intellectualizing" to avoid the "hard work" of the therapy relationship.

So I was discouraged from finding my own "insight"

my own answers

from finding an understanding that I was not "ill" or "disordered"; an understanding that would free me from dependence on people places and things outside of myself to maintain my "stability"

but that I held the power within myself to develop the awareness that I could learn the life skills and seek the knowledge that would empower me with the wisdom to create and live the life of my choosing

every day.

insight |ˈinˌsīt|nounthe capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing

One of my first "insights"?
Was that coming from a background of abuse that was based on power and control that I was extremely vulnerable to the labels that were presented to me and that I adopted as my "truth" and by which I came to define myself.
And - that in order to begin to define myself and let go of "illness" I had to see myself as a person who had been injured - not a diagnosis - to begin to find "wellness".
Insight then is the application of the truth discovered through the intellectual understanding
the "aha" moments where we see the light in the darkness.

Letting go of Labels is a post I wrote earlier this year.
If you would like more information and resources about creating your own journey from "illness" to one of "wellness" please check the Resources page here.
Q: Have you had your own "aha" moment of insight that changed your journey?

Thought for today...letting go of labels

For a very long time I lived my "labels"...they became who I was. When I thought of myself I thought of myself as the label given to identify the diagnosis and symptoms of my struggle. I found freedom when I started using diagnosis and symptoms as tools instead of taking them on as who I was and began to define myself as happy, kind, intelligent, thoughtful and brilliant....

Kyla's Question on The Zebra Effect: Meltdown or Mastery?

In last week's post Black and White - The Zebra Effect, Kyla brought up a good question on the thought about focusing on the labels that come with "symptoms" of a "diagnosis"...you can read the full comment stream at the original post here.

Kyla's Question:

Q: " ...I do have a question though, regarding what you were saying about symptoms, do you mean it's not good to focus on those? I was just curious what you meant"

A: Hi Kyla! Good question - you've been reading my mind! I was just thinking it was time to post about the subject....I'll do my best to answer you here though to start with...

"Symptoms" can be a double edged sword, I think.

On one hand, when my focus is on only the label of "diagnosis" or "symptom", I'm focussed on doing whatever I have to do to "avoid" "triggering" the "flashbacks", "nightmares", "hyper-vigilance", "depression" and so on - the stuff PTSd is made of:) and often the groundwork for additional mental health and physical diagnosis down the road.

Here, the focus is on the label and "managing" the "symptoms".

In this case, the presumption was there is no solution - so it was vital to be able to recognize what might "trigger" a "symptom" in order to maintain any sense safety and congruency of self. I studied, read and learned all I could about my "diagnosis" and how to recognize the onset of a "symptom".

I was effectively anticipating the onset of the next trigger and an increase in my "symptoms".

But - even with all the knowledge and understanding of "diagnosis" and "symptom" I couldn't make "it" stop; it was as if the "diagnosis" had developed a life of it's own and I took it on as "me".

"Hi; my name is Susan and I have _________(diagnosis)

Or "Hi; my name is Susan and I'm ______________(diagnosis).

I was taught how to "cope" and "manage"; but not to live without these "symptoms" that my life was built around and tormented me day and night.

In this mindset, I learned to do what I could to avoid the "triggers" and "symptoms" that came along with my "diagnosis". I did the best I could to learn to just "live with it", managing the best I could with the limited resources I had found. I was dependent on external resources to manage and cope.

I felt powerless.

Often I could not find relief from the "symptoms" and this is when the negative coping came into play. It was exhausting and draining to live this way and in time I was living with more mental health and physical illness "symptoms" from the unresolved stress response...I was "surviving" day to day...but I was not living the life I wanted for myself.

On the other hand if I'm in a situation and become aware that my body is tense, I feel agitated and on guard - I recognize the signs or indicators and have since learned how to use natural ways to bring down the stress response instead of being swallowed up by it.

In this scenario I'm learning to become aware of my physical, cognitive and emotional response aka "symptoms" of emotional stress and indicators of the emotional distress that we have come to know as "mental illness" and with this insight can choose to utilize healthy coping skills vs the unhealthy coping skills of avoidance aka dissociation, addiction, self harming etc....

I believe using the labels that come with diagnosis and symptoms can either cripple us - or become a tool we can use to consciously create the change we desire for ourselves.

In the past I was focussed on anticipating the symptoms and thus - the conundrum of PTSd - perched, ready to do anything to avoid triggering symptoms that had no end but...

today...these same "symptoms" can guide me down the path to self empowered healing when I view them as a map that will guide my journey.

Thanks for asking Kyla; this was a great question!

Susan

PS A final note - I've learned that if I am still "triggered" in a situation - I can use this as an indicator of perhaps I am ready to do some emotional healing related to the issues that come up rather than that of "it's hopeless".

Trusting the process :)

Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself-Part 3 (conclusion)

Photo credit here

In the first segment of this series "Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself" I discussed how I became empowered to find my own answers when I let go of "illness" and began to embrace "wellness".

In Part 2 I shared some of the information that has influenced how I view the paradigm of "mental illness" and how I began to make that mind-shift from accepting “illness” as my focus to claiming this new paradigm of "wellness" for myself.

And today, in Part 3, I wanted to bring this series to an end with looking at tying this train of thought together and suggest that we can make room for a new paradigm, a different view - a view of "wellness" that we can add to our “toolbox”.

Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself – Part 3 (conclusion)

The issue for me as I have traveled this journey is that while I was accepting “illness” as my “paradigm” - and the offered solutions as the only solutions available - is that I felt helpless to change anything about my life because I felt hopeless that there was anything more that I could have outside of “illness”.

And what I’ve realized is that this “paradigm” of “illness” required me to be dependent on someone or something outside of myself…

And that I felt very dis-empowered.

And that there are other options.

“Mental illness” is often compared to things like diabetes or heart disease.

And in this paradigm of “illness” we as a society have learned to view these “diseases” as unavoidable, “genetic”….and scary.

A lack of knowledge had led us to believe that the only solution was the pills and surgeries that would “manage” these issues; but there was no “cure”. We were destined by “genetics” to be “sick” and dependent on people, places and things outside of ourselves for our solutions.

We believed that there was nothing we could do to change this; that we were "powerless" over "genetics".

Yet today, there has been a “paradigm shift” as we have come to understand through new knowledge that both diabetes and heart disease are often related to an unhealthy lifestyle and are very manageable…

And can even be overcome and turned around with lifestyle changes such as how we cope with stress, by eating fewer processed foods and consuming more whole foods, by getting off the couch and incorporating activity into our daily lives and so on…

So as I began to look at this “paradigm” or accepted way of viewing the issues of cognitive and emotional distress and its relationship and influence on how I “coped”…

I realized that Psychology had already given us much to work with and that I could learn to live differently.

That I could use labels like “diagnosis” and “symptoms” as a guide to show me the path to living in a state of “wellness”.

And although I didn’t set out to do this - what I ended up with is my own paradigm that took me from “illness” to “wellness”.

A path that helped me to find my way “through the darkness to get to the light” at the end of the tunnel - but I hadn’t yet seen as I’d been stuck on managing “illness” and blind to the idea that there was a light that truly existed.

This mind-shift – letting go of “illness” - empowered me to learn to live in a state of “well being” instead of medicating “symptoms”, managing a “disease” and existing day to day, surviving – but never “living”.

Part of making this mind-shift was realizing that by hanging onto the labels of “mental illness”, disease, disorder…I felt “powerless”. There was nothing I could do about an “illness” that I had accepted as “genetic” and therefore “unchangeable”.

It was when I chose “wellness” that I truly understood that I held the power to change my life within my own being.

~

Thank you for reading along as I dissected the process that I followed in my discovery that there truly were more options available to overcoming the emotional and cognitive distress that we have come to call “mental illness”.

Just as I learned to begin to ask the questions that empowered me to make that mind-shift from “illness” and instead choose my own paradigm of “wellness” – I hope you will begin to ask your own questions, search out your own answers and find the freedom to create and live your own “best life” – and that very simply, is the life that you choose for yourself each day.

I'd like to invite you to join me on the first Thursday of each month on Blog Talk Radio as I host the Heal My PTSD program “Empowering Solutions” where our goal is to offer you information, tools and resources that will empower you to create - and live - your own “best life”.

~ Susan

Q: What are your thoughts? How can you claim a new story for yourself?

Did you miss the show this month? Here's the link!

Last week Darlene Ouimet of the popular recovery blog Emerging From Broken and I had a chat on the Empowering Solutions page at Blog Talk Radio.

If you missed the live show, you can listen or download the archived program here: where Darlene and I discuss how we were both given numerous diagnosis and in the end we both found freedom when we looked not at our symptoms and labels that told us we were sick but at the lies that told us we were unworthy and powerless. 

We both experienced the deeply ingrained sense of hopelessness that drove our depressions, addictions and other learned coping skills that had served us well in our dysfunctional upbringings. And we both experienced what some would call a near miraculous turnaround in that we both no longer suffer from these "diagnosis" or live only to manage the symptoms that kept us in chronic distress.

I'd like to invite you to drop by the Empowering Solutions Blog Talk Radio page and listen in on the archived show by clicking here. 

(Don't forget to click "share" to post to your Facebook page when you're done listening:))

During this broadcast Darlene shares freely about the differences and difficulties she faced as she faced a variety of mental health diagnosis including that of PTSD in her healing journey and - how she became empowered when she began to battle a broken belief system that finally allowed her to emerge from broken!

While you're there, you can register for automatic notifications of new shows, download to your media player or share the link. 

Listen in now by clicking here.

Don't forget to mark your calendars and catch ES! every 1st and 3rd Thursday at 2pm EST! (USA)

And if you happen to miss the live show...you can always grab the link and listen or share the archived program!

Here's the schedule!

1st Thursday: Each month we'll have a Special Guest to share a personal challenge and how they found their own Empowering Solutions in their own healing journey

3rd Thursday: Susan and Darlene will focus on the unique and intricate issues of learning to recognize and challenge the beliefs that keep us from creating and living our best life as we learn to recognize and claim our rightful place in this world. 

You can read Darlene's follow up post here on her Blog Emerging From Broken.

I am honored and excited that we as a World Wide Community are able to connect and share the hope that comes with believing that healing is not just possible - but probable. 

For all of us:)

~

 Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth ! 

True or False: my healing and happiness is dependent on someone or something outside of myself changing

Here's a "true or false" question...

"Changing my life begins with changing the people in my life or the circumstances of my life"

This is partially true.

Living this self-empowered life has brought changes, many good changes, to my life. But not one of them was because of what someone else did or a circumstance that affected these changes.

The change from within is what changed my life.

True - when we change us, oftentimes our relationships will evolve or even go the wayside as we become healthier and learn how to identify unhealthy relationships and find ourselves with a new tolerance for behaviors that are no longer tolerable.

And true again - sometimes in this life changing process of healing, hope and self discovery our environment and life circumstance changes as we grow and begin to reach for and live in our full potential.

But unless we change from the inside out...we'll wake up beside a different spouse/partner and find ourselves living the same drama at home, at work, in our relationships and life circumstances - because no matter what external changes we make in our life...we still wake up with us every day.

Over the years, I'd heard the idea that I could only change me, that I can run from my problems but would still wake up with me every day, that I was powerless to change others, I could only change myself.

But I didn't get it.

Until I started looking inside myself for the source of my miserableness instead of searching outside myself for the next right job, partner, spouse, house, car, therapist, doctor, pill - that would "fix" me or make me smile - at least until I became miserable again.

Then the quest would start over as I shopped, ate (or didn't eat), drank, fought, argued and once again re-created the drama that indicated that it was time once again to make some external change.

And for awhile my world was in order - as long as I could orchestrate my life - but god help anyone or anything that didn't fit into my plan of how life should look.

I was dependent on external source - people, places and things - to derive my sense of worth and happiness from.

I was living in a cycle. And it was exhausting.

When I finally depleted all of the external resources and exhausted my personal energy in my quest to live and be happy I found the best resource that would change my life.

Me.

And this takes us back to the topic of "Labels" as one of those internal changes that changed my life, my mood, my dependence on people, places and things outside of myself in my search for health and happiness.

It is possible to create change and live the life we choose without having to "hit bottom". Knowledge is empowering and finding our own personal truth sets us free; I hope you'll join me here again as we continue this quest and lay the foundation for you to find your own answers and learn how to live your own truth that sets you free.

Your feedback is appreciated and helpful...please leave your thoughts, comments or questions about this idea of internal vs. external changes....

Have fun creating your own best day ever!