Monday, June 14, 2010

Anger and Empowerment - revised

Anger and Empowerment

Anger and irritability used to run my life.

What I discovered though is that if I am approaching "tilt" or "overload" where I have an instinct to either pick a "fight" or take "flight"....I very well may be expecting to find my solutions in things outside of my control.

If I'm viewing people places and things outside of myself as my problem....then I am also very likely looking to those same or similar external sources as my solution.

This position of dependence on things outside of myself for my solutions was fuel for that feeling of hopelessness because I saw my well being at the mercy of things that I had no control over....those people places and things that I could not influence or change.

This also fueled that feeling of helplessness and anger when people and circumstances did not meet my needs or my expectations that they would, or "should" meet my needs.

It was when I learned to recognize this dependence on things outside of myself and shift my focus to being self empowered to find and access my solutions that the issue of chronic anger and irritability was no longer an issue for me.

We can use our anger to identify where we are expecting others to do for us those things that we can truly do for ourselves.

This in turn frees us up to search for other resources and solutions instead of being dependent to stick with a resource that is not meeting our needs.

We can use our anger to fuel our quest for solutions through seeking the knowledge that will open the doors for us to live that self empowered life and escape the pain of living in chronic anger and dependence on others to meet our needs.

You can read the comments at the original post here on Facebook or leave your own comments below...

Q: How could you use your anger to find and fuel your own power?


Anxious Kaley said...

I love your comment about looking inward instead of outward to find solutions. I used to blame things that had happened to me. Now I am learning that my thoughts control my emotions, and only I have the power to change that. Love your blog!

Susan said...

Hi Kayley! Yes; thats a big one that makes the difference in our outcome; can we feel the feelings and are we willing to learn how to be aware of and choose different thougts!

Great to see you here! Thanks for dropping by:)

Splinteredones said...

I was just talking about empowerment today. Fixing me from what's inside. As my therapist says "I can't save your ass". Looking for a Savior seemed natural as a counterbalance to my perps. I haven't really looked at rage as an indicator emotion, though. I will have to pay attention here as there have been some minor ragelets of late. Makes total sense. Wise zebra ;)

Susan said... always can make me smile! I'm glad you dropped by today!

"Ragelets"...and interesting term - and a useful one I think. I do "get what you're saying - and it did get easier to use those flashes of irritability to identify when I was expecting someone to "fix" fact I can remember one instance where I said "ok, so now you know whats wrong with fix it"...

if only it was that easy:)

I so enjoyed your comment!

Susan said...

Ps...your therapist sounds like a gem:)

Kristin said...

I am in awe of your awareness level! It takes a controlled and committed person to follow through on this. I can't imagine my daughter stopping mid-ragelet and reconsidering her intentions.
"OH, wait! What am I mad at? Maybe it is not you.." Or the dress that suddenly doesn't fit, or the call that didn't come." Usually, she does what it sounds like you have done in the past and looked for her reactions somewhere outside herself.
Keep writing. I am trying very hard to see where the shift takes place. HOW it takes place. What would be required of my daughter to find the growing peace that you are discovering?
xx kris

Susan said...

Thanks Kristin for you generous comment:) And yes, I will continue to write. I knew when I "woke up" from the drug induced stupor I'd been in all those years that I was entering a process that if I could capture it would be valuable one day and perhaps help others.

Stay tuned...:) I appreciate your support:)

@MyDysfunctions said...

The eternal battle of being a social being whilst being content being alone. Finding peace and serenity within your aloneness and not depending on anyone else to satisfy your basic needs. I have the awareness of the shift that needs to take place, but am seeking the strength to look inward, love and trust what I see, and make myself happy. The journey is a long one, and sometimes I am full of despair and just want to run away...but I need to learn to run away to within, and find peace there. Great post. It's such a fundamental aspect of humanity that is often overlooked. "In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself." Laurence Sterne

Susan said...

"In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself." Laurence Sterne

Thank you for sharing that quote:)

It was hard learning to depend on and see myself as my source M.D....but I knew that if I could learn to be "ok" by myself...then and only then would my relationships...and life...change and become not the "dream" or "fantasy" that I worked to exhaustion trying to create every day - but a life that I was "living" and living in that peace instead of the faux fulfillment I had searched for in the cars, home, right partner, better/different/more than...etc etc

It was the best decision I ever made and the journey just keeps getting better and better!

Great to see you here today...thanks for commenting...:)