Healing body mind and spirit...not necessarily in that order

Yoga for beginners at youtube.

A quick stretch for me today....trying to be more respectful of my body and claim my physical health for myself :)

Over on Blisschick Christine is throwing down the gauntlet and challenging us to a new attitude about our bodies...

How interesting that this comes up today when I am considering how we heal from past issues not only in our mind but also we eventually get to the point where we can begin to pay attention to our spirit and body.

I am so wishing this was something I could hire someone to do for me *smile*

Be Your Own Hero

I can never become what I was meant to be when I am looking for what might have been.

In last nights episode of Smallville I found a very simple, yet profound lesson. A lesson that is key to "getting over" the past and letting go of trying to create the future - which only serves to steal from my today...

In this episode there is a beautiful young witch type person (sorry, didn't catch her name) who can grant anyone their "wish of the moment".

Chloe is envious of Lois' lifestyle and relationship with Clark - Clark is wishing to be a "normal" guy with a "normal" humdrum life.

They both get their wishes.

The kicker is that in this story, the wish-spell wears off when they no longer wish it.

In the story as the drama unfolds, Chloe has the realization that she is what she is and she is in the perfect place in her life and her life is exactly what it is supposed to be.

She has this insight as she is coaching Clark to accept himself for what he is - the superhero the world needs.

The camara pans out and returns to each of them - Chloe is now Chloe again. Clark is now Clark again.

They both appear happy and confident as though that "light bulb" went off in their heads at the same time.

You can never become what you were meant to be when you are looking for what might have been.

Chloe cheers Clark on - Clark leapt a tall building in a single bound and the day was saved....

Today I will choose again to let go of the things that I cannot change and come to an acceptance and appreciate that my life is mine for a reason. Today I will not focus on what might have been but in all that I am. Today I will become all that I was meant to be.

Today - I will be my own hero

One step forward...wait.....no thats two steps forward??

and two steps back it seems sometimes. Or is it two steps forward and one step back? either way this week I did move forward but it was a bumpy ride.

Last week was my first day on this new job - and after being in "hyper vigilance" mode the weeks before as I prepared my brain and body completely shut down. I could not think, my body felt weak to the point of just getting off the couch required superhuman effort it seems.

So I accepted that I needed to rest and in a couple of days I had some energy - my brain was working again and I dove into the follow up of my program - and the hard drive in my new-to-me 1 year old laptop - crashed.

Who'da thought? So I deal with that and set up my old slower-than-molasses pc and try again over the weekend and my internet server goes down. Phone calls. More phone calls. "So sorry - we will get someone out to look at it Monday".

So - the old way of coping goes something like "OMG I AM GOING TO FAIL AT THIS. HOW CAN I DO MY JOB? I JUST PUT OUT $X IN THIS NEW SYSTEM AND LOOK AT IT....OMG HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS? THIS COMPANY PAID ME TO DO A JOB AND I CANT EVEN SEND OUT AN EMAIL..." Get the picture?

Now mind you - in the past, this was the only way I knew to cope I.E. not cope and blame circumstances and people outside of me for why I was failing.

So I had a moment. Ok; I had a FEW moments. I felt stressed. I felt agitated. I paced. I felt isolated and insignificant. And then I decided that I could do this anyway. And with this decision I took one step...then another.

I wrote my follow up email to my corporate group in a word document on my atiquidated pc. Then I let it go and went about doing other things and got a good nights rest.

Monday morning. Still no internet.

I made plans to head out to the coffee shop and hope my old laptop would 1. boot up and 2. not freeze up.

Then - as I'm talking to someone about which new external hard drive to buy I look at my modem and - whila! I have service!

So I quickly re entered my contacts into gmail (remember, my computer crashed right after my last group so they werent accessable to me here) did a quick cut and paste and sent it off.

I pulled up my powerpoint and started doing my revisions (as long as only 1 program is running I am guarenteed my old pc will SLOWLY get the job done). I saved my files. Printed to the printer that works with the pc and then copied in color on the new-and-improved-wireless printer that works with the laptop that does not work.....

And I was done and ready for work yesterday morning.

What's the point here?

The point is that my old coping patterns still come up when the stress level goes up - but - that with understanding of what was happening inside my head (overgeneralization, catastrophizing, black and white thinking etc...) and that I am no longer that little child victim, helpless to affect change or protect myself - I was able to pull myself out of what could have (in the past) been another excuse to stay in my hole and live life as that perpetual victim of circumstance.

So here we go - cheers to me for making lemonade when life gave me lemons :)

"Knock Knock"

Sandy Grason of The Road to Fabulous posted this video today.

Sandy's dedication on her blog post:

This is for anyone who still feels the pain of the little girl or boy inside of you, longing for something....

This is for anyone who had a father walk out when she was seven, like me....

This is for anyone who longs to understand her life's journey and make sense of it all...

Bravo Daniel Beaty for your amazing passion and poetry. Thank you for giving the little girl inside of me this message.

"Knock Knock"

Who's there?

WE ARE.

"Morning Pages"

Here is an excerpt from a blog by Scott Davies called Finding your marbles on using journaling as a tool in your healing journey...

"...Morning pages take a while to work. It took me about 3 weeks of writing morning pages before I began to see a difference in my life, however once I got into the habit, I began to notice subtle changes in how I felt. I noticed a drop in my anxiety and I found it easier to manage stressful situations. As time goes by, you will begin to trust your morning pages as a safe refuge. No matter what is troubling you, you will know that next morning you can write about it in your morning pages.

In additional to morning pages, I also write in my journal every night. In the evening I usually try to review my day. I write a few words about what happened that day, how I feel about it, and any questions or concerns that are bothering me. I find that writing these evening notes helps me rest my mind before I go to sleep so that I’m not lying in bed awake, stewing over things, and when I wake up, I’m ready to write about the questions that I wrote down in my evening notes the night before. Together, morning pages and evening notes form a daily cycle that keeps me grounded and stable..."

You can visit Scotts blog "Finding your marbles" here

Was it worth it? HELL yes.

Today

I sat and I cried

the longest

saddest

tears.

I thought

it would never stop.

But it did.

No longer scared.

No longer alone.

I can climb any mountain

sing any song.

Today I was set free.

I drew this "self portrait" a year and a half ago. I was in a very dark and lonely place. My world had been turned upside down - again. But - I knew that if I didnt give up and was willing to do this hard work that I would find my way out of that dark place.

Was it easy? Hell, no.

But ask me if facing the past and the pain was LESS painful than continuing to live in denial and avoidance?

Hell, yes.

Now - ask me if it was worth it.

HELL yes.

Stay tuned.


Haiku: Tears wash the soul free

Living long, living well

"She told me that she owes her longevity to the Lord, that she never did drink, she never did smoke and she never did fool around," Witt said at a party marking her 115th birthday.

I caught site of this amazing article today while browsing around yahoo.com. Gertrude Baines lived alone until she was 107; her favorite things to do was to eat crispy bacon, fried chicken and watch Jerry Springer.

This article comes following the announcement this week about Albert Lea Minnesota being named the national model for applying the principles in the Blue Zone, a study of longevity and centenarians around the globe.

Here's a quick overview of the project - check out the program in its entirety at the AARP's website.

During the six weeks, participants in project will learn the key themes of the project:

• Week 1: An introduction to Blue Zones and the Vitality Compass

• Week 2: Creating and improving social networks

• Week 3: Rethinking how you eat: Making food choices that will extend longevity

• Week 4: Building physical activity and movement into everyday life

• Week 5: Identifying life’s purpose

• Week 6: Making your community healthier through changing the walkability, bikeability and food options.

I think that too often those of us who have come to that place in life where we can wear that badge of honor and carry the title "survivor" we may have lost sight of what we can do ourselves to improve our lives and lifestyles. We've been living in "Survivor" mode and forget that there is more to life than managing symptoms and fighting flashbacks.

These articles about Gertrude Baines and the Vitality Project are great reminders that there are plenty of choices to be made and actions we can take. Every day we have choices and opportunities to create the world and life we choose to live every day now, in this moment.

Maybe this is a good time to remember that we are survivors and take a minute to look at what our focus is and what we could do today to take back our lives...and start to enjoy the ride again.