Creator? Or Constant Victim? Yeah...I was done with that!

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Victim? Rescuer? Perpetrator or Troublemaker?

We all play these roles at different times and sometimes in the same situation. 

Learning to recognize this is how I learned to change it.

The benefit was that learning this helped me to learn how to cultivate healthy vs dependent relationships.

This empowered me to begin to stop recreating the pattern of abuse in my life that left me feeling powerless over my own life yet feeling responsible for everyone else's life.

On top of that this knowledge helped me to feel more confident about life and the world in general.

Why?

Because I was now in creator of my best life vs. a constant victim of life. :)

~

Psssst!


Keep your eyes open! Things are a growing and changing here in my world and I've got some irons in the fire! 


What? You say?


Yes; well, I don't want to give too much away but this year you can expect some stuff!


So - if you haven't yet signed up for stuff...


You can do so in the form at the top left of the page where it says...


SEND ME STUFF! 


With love and appreciation for sharing the journey,


Susan Ks.

A Life of Well Being; That Paradigm Shift Revisited

Changing Light

Over the past I've often written about how when I believed I was "ill"...I was ill and how when I made that paradigm shift for myself is also when I began learning to live beyond illness and enjoy a life of wellness and a deep, intrinsic sense of well being...that place where I feel content and enjoy a quality of life I'd not known in "illness". 

It is that place where I discovered the life I'd desired for so long and had been told was not possible for me to have by those who needed me to be "ill".

So today, in honor of "Mental Health Awareness" month - I wanted to offer this article on understanding and overcoming some of the myths about depression...and how it becomes possible to create our own best life when we simply begin to believe it is possible that we can actually learn how to do this.

If you are happy with your life and content with your mental health treatments, this post may not be for you...but if you are wondering if there could be more, please do read on.


Good News for Critically Thinking Depression Sufferers

5 Myths About Depression Treatments

By BRUCE E. LEVINE
A warning: for people satisfied with their standard depression treatments, debunking myths about them may be troubling. However, for critically thinking depression sufferers who have not been helped by antidepressants, psychotherapy, or other standard treatments, discovering truths about these treatments can provide ideas about what may actually work for them.

Critical thinkers have difficulty placing faith in any depression treatment because science tells them that these treatments often work no better than placebos or nothing at all, and if one lacks faith in adepression treatment,it is not likely to be effective. In fact, it is belief and faith—or what scientists call “expectations” and the “placebo effect”—that is mostly responsible for any depression treatment working.* Critical-thinkers can find a way out of depression when their critical thinking about depression treatments is validated and respected, and they are challenged to think more critically about their critical thinking.~

In other words...evidence exists that when our beliefs of illness or wellness and our potential to live in either state of being is validated by those we seek support from...we experience the results we are expecting. 

You can read the rest of this article here.

*emphasis is mine

 Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

I Held the Key to My Freedom...

Photo Credit

This healing journey is truly a journey; there is no "event" where we can stand at the threshold of our new life and say "I have arrived". It is a process, step by step, moment by moment of developing the conscious awareness and insight that sets us free and creates the change that changes our lives....

There came a day when I realized I was reacting to my life as if I was still the helpless child at the mercy of those who tormented me. It was in this day I realized I held the power to take my life back from my abusers by refusing to let what they did keep me prisoner in my mind any longer. 


It was in realizing that today's distress was caused by the meaning and story I told myself in my mind and that I held the key to open the door to freedom that had always been there...and only I could unlock. 


In the beginning, I'd have to unlock that door many times as it would slowly close again when I wasn't looking. But in time, I came to realize that when my today life was not working it typically was because I had let yesterdays life overtake me again. 


Bit by bit, one step at a time, day by day and with practice, I've learned to recognize when that door is slowly creaking shut on me again. The "tell" is often a sense of doom, depression or dissociation that overtakes me - or a feeling of hopelessness and powerlessness as I become frozen and incapable of moving forward...


Sometimes the "tell" is that my physical life has gradually gotten out of control again, I feel overwhelmed with the simplest of life tasks. Or I become needy and am seeking comfort or to be taken care of by others as though I was still that child in need of a safe place...


In these times I've learned to acknowledge my fears and phantoms, feel and express the anger....


I hate you because __________________.


And shed the tears, feel and honor the justified anger at being violated and embrace the sadness and grief at the loss of the life I never had and will never know...

It is in recognizing that I am no longer a victim and I am much more than a survivor where I begin to see myself as an adult full of hope and knowing that I hold the power to create this change that changes my life...

time and time again. 

~

Related: The Power Within

Cultivating the Power Within

When you Have Come to the Edge...

 Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth

~

Transparency and True "Informed Consent" in Mental Health Care

Photo Credit

Personally I do not advocate "for" or "against' psychiatric medications for anyone. I believe that each individual must come to their own conclusions.

What I DO advocate for is complete and truthful transparency that those who suffer are given all options and accurate information that they can make their own informed and educated decisions regarding their health care with all options provided - including the view that cognitive and emotional distress are not a biological disorder but a normal human response to overwhelming life experiences - and that we can learn the life skills to manage the thoughts that fuel the emotional and cognitive distress called "mental illness".

Below is a quote from and link to an interview between Steve Coe and Robert Whitakre regarding Whitakre's book "Anatomy of an Epidemic"...and the interesting point here is the source of Whitakre's research material.

"And what I'm doing in this book is looking at the research done by the NIMH, the research done by the World Health Organization. And, all I'm doing here is saying, look at what your studies show over time. I'm not doing the research. I'm really only the guy holding up the documents and asking what story do they tell over time." ~ Robert Whitakre Interview with Steve Coe April 2010

"Consumers" of mental health services have been speaking up for years about the issues of overmedicating and available alternatives to the medical management of human distress. But to be anything other than a "compliant" patient is to put oneself at risk of losing what support and resources have been available.

Unfortunately once having been marked with the label of "mental illness" these people are often not heard and frequently dismissed as "disgruntled", "difficult", resistant" and simply "mental", dissidents and troublemakers, who are at risk of being further labeled and experiencing some consequence for having an opinion that differs from that of the mainstream pharmaceutical position.

So thank you, Robert Whitakre, for speaking up for those whose voices have been silenced and dismissed as not worthy of being heard once having been branded as "mentally ill".

Read the entire article here.

Whitakre is scheduled to be a Keynote speaker this fall at the National Conference for the Mental Health Recovery Movement in Anaheim California.

Anatomy of an Epidemic at Amazon.com

Q: Have you had a personal experience that you would like to share - either positive or negative?

Accepting Peace

Photo Credit

When we cannot accept our suffering we cannot accept peace either. Resisting our trials and struggling against them, holding ourselves closed in resistance, poised for battle we are blocking the peace that comes when we can open ourselves to and embrace not the pain in itself but the acceptance of the experience as a life lesson that has become our teacher. ~ A Zebism

This thought stemmed from a conversation with a friend who is experiencing some terrible pain and aguish…and caused me to ask the question "why do I not feel as though I am suffering"... the cognitive and emotional distress that I once did that was the impetuous for the many "diagnosis" I wore those years I was seeking my answers from the mental health providers.

And it came down to this zen-like idea of "acceptance".

In western style thinking it was "letting go of why" and making that mind-shift to ""it is" and it is something that I cannot control or change".

This is where that change happened for me.

Check back tomorrow to see the note I posted in my Facebook account titled "Paying Homage To The Past" and how letting go of being "mad at the world" freed me to grieve the losses of a lifetime.

In the meantime - check this article out over at Urban Monk about the denial and acceptance of suffering….and compassion.

And may the light shine for you today that you may find peace in your pain.

Namaste.

Another post you may enjoy -"I became the student who was ready" and this one from my tumblr blog "be dorothy do a nike" about that leap of faith it takes somedays.

Q: What is it that influences your level of peace when you are experiencing the suffering of emotional or cognitive (thoughts) symptoms of distress?

A Firm Belief, Reliance, A feeling of Certainty, Assurance

At some point I realized that a lot of my fear and doubt stemmed from a lack of that "firm belief", the "know" that fact of being certain, that assurance that I absolutely without doubt "knew that I knew"...

The solution?

First - to not crawl back into the rabbit hole with Alice and the Mad Hatter

....and learn what it was that would leave me with that sense of "knowing", that "belief" and "assurance" that I knew what I knew.

Boohya:)

I. WILL. WIN.

When I didn't know where my solution was

or even where to look

I hung onto this

As long as I don't give up...

I. WILL. WIN.

If you'll read in my "About Susan" and other pages, you'll notice that I don't adhere much to the traditional model of psychiatry, therapy or "illness" - anymore.

But I used to.

Faithfully.

And in that commitment what I realized is that every time the "diagnosis" changed over those nearly 2 decades - I "became" whatever it was that they - the doctors, therapists...the "providers" and "professionals" told me I was.

And in hindsight - each time the doctor would change the diagnosis, she would (faithfully) ask me if I agreed with it. And faithfully I would nod my head and say "yes".

With the hope that perhaps...just maybe....this time she would find that "magic pill" - or rather combination of the many pills I took - that would make me happy, confident...courageous enough to somehow just "get over" the demons that rumbled through my brain and taunted me in my thoughts 24/7.

And while she never did find that "right combination" for me - no magic pill to take away the depression that immobilized me or the sadness that seemed to envelop me and follow me like a faithful puppy or end the anxiety that had earned me the label "agoraphobic"...or the "personality disorders" that said I was defective from the "core" of my being...

I found my way - in spite of it all.

And it began with a knowing, a trusting, a belief that if I kept putting one foot in front of the other, seeking my own answers instead of waiting to be "fixed" or "taken care of"...

That I would win.

And while that sounds "easy" enough....at the same time I had to figure out how to use the resources - the same doctors and therapists - who continued to try to fit me into their box of "ill".

And I kept going, in spite of theirs and others repeated efforts to get me to continue to try to find that "magic pill". As they and others kept telling me that I needed "meds" and therapy for the rest of my life...that my emotions were broken, my thoughts were muddled and "wrong" somehow...

And I realized through it all that while the intentions were good...the advice they were giving me kept me dependent on them and the "meds" to cope and manage my thoughts and emotions and ultimately my behavior as the "meds" kept my mind dull and my emotions flat.

And today - I have become my own best resource and advocate. Today I live free of dependence on others to direct, orchestrate or coordinate or medicate my life to the standards that others have set for me.

Today I run my own race and today I can honestly say that I have won - not because I found that "magic pill"...

But because I realized that I could learn to recognize the deeply ingrained and silent beliefs that fueled the tormenting thoughts that fed the roller coaster ride of emotions that in turn motivated the behaviors of "acting out" and "acting in" that can result in the label "mentally ill".

And I learned how to grieve the past that tormented me and found freedom...

And peace.

**

I hope you'll join me here each week as I blog about and share my journey from "illness" to "wellness"...and on Blog Talk Radio the first Thursday of each month as I do my best to share the information that offered me the awareness that empowered me to travel this journey of self discovery, hope and healing.

Namaste.

Read this...

Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself-Part 3 (conclusion)

Photo credit here

In the first segment of this series "Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself" I discussed how I became empowered to find my own answers when I let go of "illness" and began to embrace "wellness".

In Part 2 I shared some of the information that has influenced how I view the paradigm of "mental illness" and how I began to make that mind-shift from accepting “illness” as my focus to claiming this new paradigm of "wellness" for myself.

And today, in Part 3, I wanted to bring this series to an end with looking at tying this train of thought together and suggest that we can make room for a new paradigm, a different view - a view of "wellness" that we can add to our “toolbox”.

Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself – Part 3 (conclusion)

The issue for me as I have traveled this journey is that while I was accepting “illness” as my “paradigm” - and the offered solutions as the only solutions available - is that I felt helpless to change anything about my life because I felt hopeless that there was anything more that I could have outside of “illness”.

And what I’ve realized is that this “paradigm” of “illness” required me to be dependent on someone or something outside of myself…

And that I felt very dis-empowered.

And that there are other options.

“Mental illness” is often compared to things like diabetes or heart disease.

And in this paradigm of “illness” we as a society have learned to view these “diseases” as unavoidable, “genetic”….and scary.

A lack of knowledge had led us to believe that the only solution was the pills and surgeries that would “manage” these issues; but there was no “cure”. We were destined by “genetics” to be “sick” and dependent on people, places and things outside of ourselves for our solutions.

We believed that there was nothing we could do to change this; that we were "powerless" over "genetics".

Yet today, there has been a “paradigm shift” as we have come to understand through new knowledge that both diabetes and heart disease are often related to an unhealthy lifestyle and are very manageable…

And can even be overcome and turned around with lifestyle changes such as how we cope with stress, by eating fewer processed foods and consuming more whole foods, by getting off the couch and incorporating activity into our daily lives and so on…

So as I began to look at this “paradigm” or accepted way of viewing the issues of cognitive and emotional distress and its relationship and influence on how I “coped”…

I realized that Psychology had already given us much to work with and that I could learn to live differently.

That I could use labels like “diagnosis” and “symptoms” as a guide to show me the path to living in a state of “wellness”.

And although I didn’t set out to do this - what I ended up with is my own paradigm that took me from “illness” to “wellness”.

A path that helped me to find my way “through the darkness to get to the light” at the end of the tunnel - but I hadn’t yet seen as I’d been stuck on managing “illness” and blind to the idea that there was a light that truly existed.

This mind-shift – letting go of “illness” - empowered me to learn to live in a state of “well being” instead of medicating “symptoms”, managing a “disease” and existing day to day, surviving – but never “living”.

Part of making this mind-shift was realizing that by hanging onto the labels of “mental illness”, disease, disorder…I felt “powerless”. There was nothing I could do about an “illness” that I had accepted as “genetic” and therefore “unchangeable”.

It was when I chose “wellness” that I truly understood that I held the power to change my life within my own being.

~

Thank you for reading along as I dissected the process that I followed in my discovery that there truly were more options available to overcoming the emotional and cognitive distress that we have come to call “mental illness”.

Just as I learned to begin to ask the questions that empowered me to make that mind-shift from “illness” and instead choose my own paradigm of “wellness” – I hope you will begin to ask your own questions, search out your own answers and find the freedom to create and live your own “best life” – and that very simply, is the life that you choose for yourself each day.

I'd like to invite you to join me on the first Thursday of each month on Blog Talk Radio as I host the Heal My PTSD program “Empowering Solutions” where our goal is to offer you information, tools and resources that will empower you to create - and live - your own “best life”.

~ Susan

Q: What are your thoughts? How can you claim a new story for yourself?

Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself-Part 2

Picture Credit here.

(def) paradigm |ˈparəˌdīm|

noun1 technical a typical example or pattern of something; a model : there is a new paradigm for public art in this country. See note at model .• a worldview underlying the theories and methodology of aparticular scientific subject : the discovery of universal gravitation became the paradigm of successful science.

Throughout my journey I have learned to rely more on my own ability to gain an understanding of and make decisions relating to the direction I have chosen to take (learning to fish for a lifetime) vs depending on others to provide me my answers or offer me my solutions (being "fed" for a day).

I had a need to understand the current "medical" or "biological" model of the mental health system and the psychology behind it.

I mean...I couldn't just go "off the deep end" and make things up - that would be, well, most would consider that to be "crazy". :)

I thought if I found an understanding of my issues and the available solutions - then maybe I could figure out what it was that I was doing "wrong"...

why I wasn't getting "better" after committing myself to following the instructions of the "providers" that held my life in their hands for over 15 years...

why I was still depressed, anxious, manic, irritable, my relationships were still volatile so isolation was my "safe place". Why I couldn't sleep for more than a few hours without waking and oftentimes unable to get back to sleep.

Why after 15 years of "therapy" and "meds"....the "magic combination" hadn't been found for me still.

What I found in my research, education, through my own experience, insight and in conversations with my providers themselves after having "woken up" from the deep cognitive and emotional trance of living in a drugged stupor all those years....

is that they - the "providers" of these "mental health" services" - really didn't know how to help me and relied on "meds" and "talk therapy" to "manage" my thoughts, emotions and behaviors; they "needed" me to be "biologically defective" in order to fit into their "paradigm".

"Wellness" was not a part of their beliefs - their "paradigm" - in the "biological" model of "mental illness".

And I wanted more from life than what this "paradigm" offered me.

You can read Creating A New Paradigm...For Myself Part 1 here.

You can read I wanted to understand this "Paradigm..." here.

**

I hope you'll join me here again as I continue to unravel this idea of "paradigm" and making that mind-shift from dependence on others for my answers to finding and creating my own paradigm of "wellness" based on my personal belief that with new information I could make the choice to find "wellness".

The next article in this series will post next week - I'd like to invite you to register for email updates (on sidebar) to be notified of new content.

Claiming A New Paradigm...For Myself

So back to the idea of "can we shift from a mindset of "illness" to one of "wellness"...

Part of making that shift from "illness" to "wellness" mindset was choosing to see "diagnosis" and "symptoms" as something I can learn to change vs. seeing these labels as something I "have"...and I have no control over or power to change.

In talking with others I've noticed how they, like me in the past, talk about their mental wellness - or lack of it - as though it is a "thing".

And while it's true that this is the message we've been getting since Bill W. called alcoholism a "disease of the mind"...I found that in owning this message I was left feeling very dis-empowered. Or if you've been around for awhile, you may notice this is an idea that falls under that concept of "feeling powerless" (click to listen to what I said about "powerless" on BTR)

I felt powerless to change because I viewed my coping mechanisms of "acting out"; irritability, anger, aggression, hyper-vigilance ie the "lashing out" at the world and others - as well as the "acting in"; depression, dissociation, insomnia aka the "self harming" behaviors -as related to this "diagnosis" that told me that I had some "genetic" mutation in my genes that made it impossible to change"it" or the behaviors related to it.

By "buying into" the idea that my emotional and cognitive distress was something I "had" ie "I HAVE (fill in the blank with whatever your "diagnosis" or "symptom" is)..."

I was left feeling as though I had no power to change my life because that is what I had been told by the providers of...and is the "standard of care" in the biological, genetic, medical, disease model of mental health issues.

It was hard letting go of this paradigm of "care"...

I mean....come on; these guys are the "doctors", the "providers".....

Yes; but they are not "god".

And I gave them 15 years of my life to "fix me"....

But I found "wellness" when I gave up "illness" as my chosen "paradigm".

Next time....a look at what is a "paradigm" in the sciences....

Q: How have you claimed your own power recently?