On grief and loss - I know the pain that feels as though death would be the only relief and have found a new life after that kind of inner devastation.
Let those big feelings out. Don't try to contain them for they will consume you from the inside out. Find a way to safely express your anger, angst and pain through some physical form. Run it out, walk it out, scream it out. Throw something and let it make the loud noise against the wall as you fall to the floor sobbing.
Let go of those unable to sit with you or your pain. Let them go that you can find yourself. Dont try to find comfort from those who are not comforting. Give yourself a soft place to land each day. Visit the trees. Walk in the grass. Breathe with the clouds and know that with time it will hurt less and the hurt will come less often even though we know it never goes away completely.
Know that you are not alone.