Sunday, April 24, 2011

I Am Now "Enough"

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In the past, a great deal of my struggle revolved around being good enough, doing things right enough in order to be considered enough.

Yet no matter how hard I tried I never understood why my best was never enough.

I was stuck in a never ending cycle of striving to find acceptance by finding what was not enough in myself to change it that I might feel as though I was finally enough for those who kept reminding me that I - and my best - was never enough.

Today though, I no longer have to try to figure out what would make me enough to finally be loved, I no longer feel required to deny myself in order for others to not deny me...

Perfection is a fallacy where others expectations define who I am, what I think, feel or do.

Those who cannot sit with my pain

most likely cannot dance in my joy

and in order for them to be "ok"...

they must tell me I'm not.

Today I no longer have to be "perfect".

Joy is now acceptable

Grief is ok

Fear is expected

Anger invited

No more ashamed

Belittled

in pain

Now I live each day

The same

In peace that passes understanding

And truth that set me free

No longer alone

I now have me.


You are perfect just as you are. :)



Photo Credit


 Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth

8 comments:

Nico Interruption said...

This is a wonderful thought. I long to be in this state of mind. Maybe I am not there yet...but I will not give up. As long as I am alive, there is hope. Thank you for your post.

Susan said...

Hi Nico and welcome to my blog!

What you say..."I will not give up"....was the foundation for my evolution and I feel like thats exactly what happened as I've taken back the part of me that felt so broken and alone.

Thank you for your note - one my foundational beliefs was that as long as I don't give up - I will win:)

Patricia Singleton said...

I love what you said Susan. The post is beautiful in its authenticity and truth. All survivors should read this and know that it is true for all of us who are survivors. I am not excluding those who didn't grow up with child abuse. Hopefully they grew up knowing what we survivors had to learn from sources other than our parents.

Susan said...

Thank you Patricia. :) Yes; these issues are some I see especially in the lives of those who experienced very clear physical violations as well as those who might say they weren't abused but perhaps they lived with toxic relationships or oppression. This has been the core of my work, learning to understand that my normal really wasn't normal - its just what was but it doesn't have to stay that way. :)

Anonymous said...

I have lived my entire life believing I am not enough...not good enough, not pretty enough, not likable enough, not talented enough, not skilled enough, not worthy of consideration, not whole enough to be loved or to matter. I've never heard anyone else say this. I'm touched. You've really given me something to think about.

Susan said...

@Anonymous....thats really good to hear! Thank you for letting me know that:)

Susa said...

Susan, this blog entry is more timely than you'll ever know! Thank you for writing this.

Susa/all

Susan said...

Susa...I am so glad to hear that this was timely for you!