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| Alone. And loving it:) |
We are alone.
This...was one of those "awakenings" I'd experienced.
You see....coming from the background I did (NOT "Ozy and Harriet style) I had always felt alone.
I never felt as though I "belonged" anywhere.
Not in my family, my community...
"Friends" were few and far between, if at all.
I considered myself a "loner" - sort of.
At other times I thought of myself as a "people person"...which was usually when I was writing my resume (had to be that chameleon:)).
Then one day a very wise person who had traveled this path before me said the most astounding thing - a thing I had never considered...
That we are ALL "alone".
And what I realized is that I was still stuck in the childlike place where I just wanted to be...
loved.
So I was thinking that because I didn't "feel" loved that I didn't "belong" anywhere.
I had carried that overwhelming lonliness from my childhood where I sat alone on the long davenport (yeah..back then a long couch was a "davenport"...for whatever that has to do with anything:)).
And in that second...that "aha" where I realized that I had been trying to create the "love" that I had not experienced in all the things I did, trying to do them "right enough".
Trying to "be" "good enough"....
Wishing to be "smart enough"...
And I was never...
enough.
So since that day of my "aha" moment?
I began to see that I was "enough".
That my best was "good enough".
That I wasn't just "smart enough" but I began to see myself as fricking "brilliant"....
Because of course - I'd survived.
And I realized that while I had learned to adapt and cope in ways that supported "survival"...
That was no longer enough.
And I realized that by knowing that I was "alone" - just like everyone else in this world...
I no longer had to seek my worth, value and "belonging" in others because I...
very simply
was enough.
I knew from deep within that no matter what I had or didn't have...
The family or friends?
They could never "make" me feel as though I was "enough" to be accepted
but that I had to accept myself
and then
I would belong
anywhere I went.
In the light and hope for your to find your own forever "you"....
Susan
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