The Beginning Of The End

That deep sense of sadness that won't go away? I learned to look inside for my answers by allowing the memories to come instead of staying busy or using things, money, shopping, internet, coffee, food, alcohol, depression and even extreme dissociation....to avoid them.

This was where the journey began; by being willing to go through the feelings I'd not felt for so long. By being willing to feel 

the anger and the grief for the life I lost to the trauma and abuse.

This was the beginning of the end of the living nightmare where the things that had happened to me haunted me for a lifetime. This was "going through" in order to "get out of" that dark place.

I thought it would last forever. But in allowing it is when it finally ended and the nightmares? Finally just became memories. Not pleasant memories but memories I could now deal with. I successfully reclaimed my today's from those who took my yesterdays.

I thought I would die when I first opened this pandoras box but instead...this was when I began to live.

This - is the "hard work".

Hang in there; I know it hurts and I'm so sorry you have suffered yet - I am so glad you are finding your way. 

In gratitude that we can share the journey.

Susan:) 

You may also be interested in....

It's All About Avoidance on Blog Talk Radio

And here is a collection of posts from the archives on how I came to understand what it was to "do the hard work".

This post is about how I used creativity to "work through" those dark places. 



Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

 
www.myempoweringsolutions.com

The Keepers Of The Secrets

The thing about abuse is that it shows up in our lives in many ways. From an overwhelming sense of powerlessness over our own lives to a need to know everything all the time about everything and everyone; the loss of control from early life trauma always shows up sooner or later in our health. 

From irritability and anger, being "mad at the world" where we are lashing out at others, engaging in self harming behaviors or just shutting down through depression or dissociation...it always shows up and manifests itself in our today in one way or another. 

Often triggered by current life events this sense of overwhelm can take its toll on us physically, emotionally and psychologically as we attempt to make sense of things that make no sense.

Today a share from someone who found their way to freedom from this pain of the past. 

by Marissa Joilette

“My mother had requested I never write about my past until she died. It’s the only thing she regrets: the abuse she bestowed on me. Yet in staying quiet to protect her, I was suppressing the healing that needed to happen. In not sharing her legacy, I was trapped, and unable to break free. I was still putting HER image of NICE before MY healing. Early last year I knew I had to find the courage to change this… It would mean cutting all ties with my family, as they all “supported” her… EVEN in her abusing me.

My family kept telling me I hadn’t been physically abused. Those that witnessed it said it was all my fault or there was nothing they did. I felt betrayed, and alone. None of my family wrote or called to ask how I was, or how they could support me. I was judged and given superficial suppression to avoid facing any of the truth. In exposing the abuse (that they were deny) I was left feeling I should be dirty, ashamed, and wrong. Like I was wrong for feeling angry and upset. Like I was the betrayor. They told me to have more grace, be more peaceful, be loving… They treated me like I was insane and didn’t know what I was talking about.

Something within kept me alight – this burning bright knowing that I wasn’t wrong, that this situation was horrendous, and the memories were valid. I knew that if I felt and faced all the memories I would come ALIVE! I would heal by embracing and integrating, that I would shine BRIGHT and beautiful if I honoured the pain… So I let go the fight to keep the peace, and let things unravel. I began to question what this smell of burning I had all the time, was it a ghost? I googled it. Signs that traumatic head injury was healing – normally happens 10-15 years AFTER injury. Physical validation. I knew I wasn’t mad.

To break through, I had to kill off the unhealthy, negating, repressing mother out of my life… no longer hide in shame… and begin taking actions that lead into goodness, love, and deliciousness. If ever I enjoyed those things my mother would scorn and say: “Do you have to?” She shared that my joy in love felt like rubbing salt into her wounds. I realised that to be truly happy the gift I had to give myself is to find a family whom I BELONG to. A family that see me, get me, love me, and relish in who I am and all I have to offer. And to become, for myself, the mother I never had.

It feels good to not be in secret or feel ashamed. It feels good to fully meet myself so that I can also fully meet YOU! It feels great to write and share… and rejoice in the agonising healing, and crushing arising… ♥ More to gift thee… ♥ As I free myself, I devote myself to Thee… ♥” Natalie Lamb

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Visit the Empowering Solutions Facebook Community page here if you are looking for direction in your journey to heal from abuse/trauma issues.

Visit the archives for more on how I learned to recognize this generational passing of crippling life dysfunction here and over here a search for articles on how I learned to make peace with the past. 

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Good Day/Bad Day

Along the way I discovered that the idea of a "bad" day....wasn't so helpful or supportive of the life I wanted for myself soooo..............

To start having "good days"? 

I had to learn to consciously choose to shift my mind from "crap. Another day."...

To..."Damn! Another amazing day!".

Key words:

conscious = aware on purpose

choose = making the decision to be conscious of the day I was creating for myself and taking action to shift my mindset from one perspective (life sucks) to another (life rocks!). On purpose.

Simples steps for real change. :)

Did I succeed all the time every day?

Not at first.

In the beginning I had more "off" days than "on" days but again ...

By choosing to return to the idea of what I wanted in time I found I had created a life that I wanted.

True story:)

This really isn't the rocket science I'd thought it was.

It came down to choice...

First learning that I had a choice then....

Making the choice to choose.

Yup.

It really is that simple although....

Its not always that easy.

This again....

Is the "hard work" of learning to no longer be that perpetual victim of life but to become the creator of my best life.

I'm right there with you....:)

You can do this....

The hardest part was the first time I tried to make this mindshift from...

"WTF"

to

"What a life!".

Some tips?

Write this on a sticky note, note cards....put them in your books, stick it to your mirror...make a ring tone for your phone...journal in your notebook each morning....

repeat out loud many times each day....

My life is amazing! 

Then engage with the process by purposing to think it, do it, say it and fake it till you make it....

And trust that the process will work for you too.

Heres the kicker....

We can choose to engage - or not.

And by making no choice - we've chosen.

This is not a passive process.

By choosing to engage you are choosing to create change that can, over time, change your life. 

You are amazing:)

We begin by beginning here; right where we are.

You're a rock star and I'm thrilled to be your groupee:)

Always, always!

Susan:)



Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

 

www.myempoweringsolutions.com