Wednesday, July 14, 2010

12 Things to support you in your journey - Part 2

"Confidence"

Welcome to Part 2 of "12 things"...and of course - Blogger and I have not figured out what the issue is with the formatting....:) *sigh* :)

  1. 5. Know and use your resources. This was where I started branching out and developing relationships and resources outside of those I'd become dependent on, where I could learn to "walk" before I tried to "run" independently of the "therapeutic" relationships I had come to rely on in my journey through (and out of:)) the current model of the mental health system.
  2. 6. Compartmentalize your life. One skill that I was lacking in the beginning was the ability to compartmentalize my life and relationships. Everyone knew everything about me – because I wanted everyone’s opinion about what I should do next; I lacked "confidence" and had a desperate need for external direction and validation. This one goes along with #4 – I first learned how to and then started dealing with my own issues and not looking to others to “make me feel better” and instead learned to develop intimate relationships where I would practice being vulnerable and trusting others who would validate my experiences rather than trying to “fix” me or my life and recognizing the difference layers of relationships from “acquaintance” to “intimate”.
  3. 7. Boundaries. Huge issue. Huge. This one will take some time to delve into – but a good place to start is paying attention to “whats mine” and “whats yours”. A quick look at what boundaries are and are not. Personal boundaries have nothing to do with influencing what others do...and everything about what I will allow into my world or share of myself with the world. One of my biggest frustrations in trying to learn how to establish and enforce personal boundaries was when they were discussed in the context of "what you will allow others to do". I found it more helpful to define boundaries as "what I will choose to reveal about myself" and "what I will allow in to my world, my personal space". This empowered me to let go of thinking I had to try to control what others did and said - and allowed me to learn to say "this is ok or not ok" and choose if I would continue this relationship or if the behaviors of another had become "intolerable". If this is a problem for you you might want to look at my post "I didn't know that I didn't know (I had been abused). Awareness is the place to start with this one and takes us to…
  4. 8. Awareness. Learning to pay attention to my own thoughts, emotions and physical body - and dig down to the beliefs that fueled the entire symphony of "me". Another biggie that is way more deserving of a massive amount of space. Also – something to begin to be “aware” of:) You can listen to the Blog Talk Radio program from Heal My PTSd about "awareness" as an empowering solution here.



Thanks for reading along this week...this series will finish up this coming Monday as we look at the final 4 points in my list of suggestions to support and empower you in your own personal journey...

And if you haven't already...I'd like to invite you to register for email or RSS feed to be notified when there is new content published.

Q: Which of the tips today did you find most helpful?

4 comments:

Wendi said...

Wonderful list. All so true. Wish I had the list before...but unfortunately it seems like I wouldn't have found it useful until recently...when I was actually ready. Thanks for posting and looking forward to the rest :-)

Susan said...

Isn't that something how in hindsight we can see how this would have been helpful....this reminds me how "when the student is ready the teacher will come"....thanks for letting me know you found something helpful in this post!

Susan:)

Kristin said...

Things come to us when we are ready. When I first started reading your blog a couple of months back, I couldn't make any sense of what you were saying. I didn't understand approaching these issues outside of the medical model that I had been taught to believe in. When it slowly dawned on me what you were saying, that it is possible to work outside the system AND achieve startling results, I went back and reread the posts. It was like a light bulb going off and shining light on a completely different path - one I could not have comprehended when I first started reading.
Sometimes I think that you are too careful. Maybe you don't want to lose your readers by proposing something too outlandish. I think your light touch is both what kept me reading but also what took me so long to "get it". There are some blogs that hit you over the head with the writer's view. Susan, you, on the other hand, keep your story clear and honest and always reasonable.
Great work!
xx kris

Susan said...

Thank you Kris! Your words mean so much to me! I understand what you are saying...and am working on ideas that will open the door where I can be more direct....but I believe that to change beliefs is not something that is done well with a sledgehammer. Insight must be cultivated....love seeing you and am glad to hear things are making sense to you!

Hope hope hope!

Yes!