Monday, September 6, 2010

"No Boundaries" meant "Don't Rock the Boat"

Continuing with taking a look at "Boundaries" from "Learning to "share" meant "no boundaries"...

And while the intentions are always good I think (If you would just do _______then you would be ok/solve that problem etc) the result was that this kind of relationship that insisted on telling me what and how to do things, how to think, feel.

These were the relationships where my life choices and decisions were constantly in question and what I found was very much related to the lack of confidence and told me that I was not capable of finding my own answers or living my own life without someone else's validation.

This in turn fed that deeply ingrained and often unconscious belief that I was helpless to make my own decisions and hopeless that I could ever be or do my life "good enough".

These were also the relationships that I found myself feeling as though something was out of place - but I couldn't put my finger on it.

These were also the relationships where I found that I started to build walls to keep questions and inquisitions to a minimum to protect myself from feeling "less than" or "stupid" or subject to someone’s opinion about how if I would just do what they told me that I would then be "ok".

These were also the relationships that cycled through the drama of a relationship built not on trust but of doubt, suspicion, and jealousy.

Very often these were also the relationships that were based on fear as I would avoid "rocking the boat" for as long as I could until at some point we would move past "honeymoon" to "tension" and ultimately to the drama of some sort of a "blow up" that typically came when I was acting of my own volition outside of the influence or control of these persons.

Q: Have you caught yourself trying to not "rock the boat" and "keep the peace" at the expense of your own sense of well being?


Michelle said...

Hi Susuan
When the pieces of my puzzle to my healing journey lie in front of me, I feel proud that I have been courageous enough to start to put the pieces in the right spots and having insight and an understanding allows me to do this!!!
Rocking the boat is something that I have always avoided....and yes I can now see that I'm the one that suffers all the time.
I'm a mental health outreach support worker and only been with this service for 7 months before having to take 6 months off due to having a spinal fusion. But what I have experienced in this service is discrimination, bullying and intimidation,no professional work ethics. This I saw from day one BUT I was to frigthen to put my concerns out there because of the fear of loosing my job?? So I sat in silence as I have my whole life and suffered. But this time around I have found ME and I am aware now that I have a voice and I deserve to no longer be silenced!!!! What also dissappoints me is that this service is a mental health service and I'm disgusted with what I see with inexperienced workers,and inconsistenty. Having insight because I have used the mental system for the past 18 years I understand the importance of having good workers....and now working in a service that supports people with mental health it disgusts me!!!So YES I'M going to "ROCK THE BOAT" and no longer be silenced.... I intend to resign due to the fact that I cant work in a service that is not supportive, unprofessional and unethicial....BUT I will be voicing my concerns to higher management. I have realised that I can't change this work culture...BUT I CAN CHANGE ME!!!.
Thanks again Susan, this blog has helped me realise!!!

Susan said...

Hi Michelle! I had just checked my email when I saw this comment from you and I have to tell you that I am first honored that you find my work to be helpful and second - I am tickled to hear that you have discovered your own power to change you and create the life you desire for yourself!

This is a major step for anyone who has walked this path of keeping quiet to keep the peace; I am happy for you to have found the power to make such changes and trust that your wisdom will guide you in your choices:)

Be safe and be well, Michelle. I'll look forward to hearing how this plays out for you!