Friday, September 3, 2010

Learning to "share" meant "no boundaries"

Along the idea of "boundaries" from this post "Doggy Doo and Boundaries" and this post"12 Things...Part 3" I thought I'd talk about the idea behind being taught to "share" when I really didn't want to...

Relationships are about "sharing", right?

Sharing, supporting, empathizing and caring.

Relationships are a place where each person shares their life as they choose to share, without fearing recrimination, shame or judgment.

A place where "I don't want to talk about that" is respected instead of viewed as some sort of holdout. A safe haven where the walls can come down instead of walking on eggshells out of fear of repercussion for choosing to not "share" something.

That "soft place" to fall at the end of a trying day where we can trust, relax and let our guard down.

A "two way street" where each person can share their joys, their trials, their hopes, their dreams - and trust that they will be honored and respected.

The thing I've learned is that in the toxic environment that I grew up in and the relationships were modeled for me, this kind of sharing was more like being interrogated where others would ask and inquire about my life or insist on explanations of why I had done “X” when they thought I should have done “Y”.

In other words, my thoughts, feelings and choices were not honored and respected; they were doubted and directed by those who "knew what was best for me" and I carried this way of interacting with others into my adult life – effectively repeating and recreating the abuse and dysfunction in my adult life and relationships.

Q: Have you noticed "loose" or "unclear" boundaries in your life?


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