Monday, September 13, 2010

Seeking and living our own "truth"

This quote came to me via @SarahEOlsen2009 and her Favorite Tweet Stuff email...

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." ~ Andre Gide

And this caused me to remember a post I did awhile back about learning to recognize oppressive abuse in the dance of "Power and Control" and how we as survivors are sometimes easily groomed into compliance and can find ourselves following someone else's "truth" instead of that of our own....

From the archives - "Abuse Disguised...." an article that stemmed from recognizing power and control in religious and other professional venues and interpersonal relationships...

"Abuse is not selective and is in all life arena's and all about telling another what to do, how to do it and when to do it


"you are wrong if you believe differently than I do or try to do it in any other way"...."

In understanding how to recognize and make different choices about the relationships we choose in our lives and the emotional boundaries we establish, it is helpful to understand what both a supportive relationship that encourages one to live their own "truth" might look like - as well as what a relationship looks like that is perhaps more about following and adhering to someone else's truth.

So for the next few post's I wanted to take a look at the idea of recognizing the difference between learning to seek for, find and live our own truth and if we might be falling into the subtle trap of believing someone else's truth over our own.

Today then....

In seeking my own "truth" and finding relationships that supported my quest to discover how to go about creating and living my own "best life" each day I found one consistant factor that I could trust.

That if I was involved in relationships that supported my search for healing, wellness and my own "truth" - I saw progress in my quest.

I began to find peace, hope and happiness.

I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel

I had an overwhelming sense of "life is good" and "I am ok".


the nagging sense of "something is wrong....

and it must be me"

and an overwhelming sense of hoplessness, helplessness and

..."life sucks"

...I'll never be able to do this "right" or be "good enough"

...that came when I was following someone else's "truth" instead of seeking my own.

And that brings us back to today's quote...

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." ~ Andre Gide

I began to recognize that when I was seeking my own truth, supportive relationships supported this and encouraged me, told me that I had the wisdom and the ability to find my answers and live MY truth vs the relationships that were criticizing, questioning and telling me that my answers were somehow wrong...and the answers they were providing were the "right" answers. That somehow their "truth" was the only truth and if I didn't agree...well, then...something was of course wrong with me.

Join us here next time as we continue to look at this idea of the difference between truth "seeking" and being a follower of someone else's "truth".



Sheri said...

This is exactly what I did when I first escaped. I became friends with women who "knew best" and basically told me how to live my life. I didn't start living for myself until I recognized these relationships for what they were.

Susan said...

Hi Sheri...yes; many folks have really good intentions but are really working out their own trauma issues by rescuing others.

It takes awhile to recognize these relationships as they can at first make us feel like we are being cared for. The thing for me was to understand that when they got mad at me they were trying to keep me under their control.

I'm glad to hear that you found your own "truth" Sheri!

Kristin said...

This is exactly my stumbling block with my daughter. I want to present my information without her adopting my truth. In other words, I want to be able to encourage nutrition and exercise without her doing it for me. It is a conundrum.
I do think you are talking about a more pervasive kind of truth - the one where it is my way or the highway. Not so in my case. I just want to offer a strategy for coping with her mental distress.
Living by example is good. This is what I think you are doing - beautifully, I might add. I continue to try do the same.
xx kris

Susan said...

Thanks for your comment, Kris:)

Actually this is not about the pervasive abuses that are clear cut but about all types of relationships where we doubt our own truth and find ourselves ourselves being influenced by the truth of another and realize that their truth is not my truth.

There are many with good intentions that believe that if I will simply do as they say then my life will be better. From family and other personal relationships to the relationships in health care and mental health care. I didn't know my own truth so I conformed to theirs thinking I was incapable of finding or living my own truth.

It was hard work to stand up to those I had depended on to define me and tell me who I was for pretty much my entire life. I had no sense of "self" to draw on and felt completely incapable. It was scary - learning to claim my own truth and my own space. But it is where I found freedom when I had the courage to begin to believe in myself.

I'm always glad to see you and read your comments, Kris:) I can see many good things in your future:)

many hugs!

Michelle said...

Hi Susan,for my entire life I have allowed others to speak my truth, which has then allowed them to control my truth, which has then allowed them to keep me silenced!!!These people have been family,friends,work colleagues and medical professionals for to long now all I have wanted to do is please these people and go along with thier TRUTH,totally disregarding my TRUTH...!!!Which has put me in situations where it is I that is the only one that has suffered internally emotionally. It is only now that I realise unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. My life has been limited due to me living these peoples lifes not mine. I no longer will be wasting my life living someone else's life. I won't be trapped by dogma -which is living with the results of other people's thinking. I won't let the noise of other's opinions drown out my own inner voice. And most important, as I discover me, I am finding the courage to follow my heart and intuition. My heart and soul somehow already know what I truly want to become. Everything and everyone else is secondary. As I discover my own truth and confidence I hope to find one of the roots of my life happiness. It is only now that I have insight around what TRUTH is!!!
I am thankful to you Susan of the the TRUTH that you share through your blog,as this empowers me to be courageous enough to find my own TRUTH...
Cheers Michelle