Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Baby steps...

It's Wednesday already this week - but the good news is that I am not waiting until the last minute to get my work done this week. ahhh...progress!

I was visiting Ellen over at her blog Shy and blue today. Her post on "Layabout" got me thinking about my own journey...

Baby steps as a friend of my son's says. "But no!" is what I hear the voice in my head yelling at me - "I want it and I want it now!"

But - alas. That is not how I have found that it works for me.

The journey that I have been on is one that has its bumps and turns in the road. There are bright days, dark days, days filled with thunder and lightening. There are hills and valleys....and some days I just plain run out of gas.

I have often thought what a wonderful thing - if anyone deserved a "miracle" healing - or to win the jackpot lotto - wouldnt it be me? After all - I have been through the darkest of times and not given up; I have perserveered; the powers that be should shine down on me and heal my mind, my body and my soul from the things from my past that have "broken" me. Right? No.

The journey of healing takes time; I learn as I go which side of the road to travel on, which potholes to avoid, where the gas stations are. I have a map, a plan to get where I am going - but there are no shortcuts. Damn.

So I keep taking those baby steps. I keep believing that I have all that I need. I keep trusting and hoping. I keep searching for the answers that may have eluded me in the past.

It takes time to calm those demons of the past - those lessons that I learned that make me feel "less than", "bad" or "inadequate". It takes practice...each time those wicked voices chase me like the evil witch from hansel and gretal I become more aware of it and with practice I learn to recognize it easier and sooner.

And I keep taking baby steps; each day. One foot in front of the other. Each day is a new day and like the storms of nature the storms that pass through in this journey no longer cause me to hide and be "frozen". Little by little I learn. Little by little I grow and change. And in time - those nasty voices from the past I have found, affect me less and less as I recognize them and leave them on the side of the road.

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