What a concept. To be less than perfect and be ok.
Today was a not so great day at work. I fumbled and bumbled through my presentation to a group that really doesnt want to be there. Today there was snickering, doodling and sleeping going on all the while I am being paid big bucks to come into this company and facilitate a group that does not appear to want to be facilitated.
So I left today feeling less than accomplished. Much less.
I wanted to cry. I started to focus on and point the finger at those who could be identified as "troublemakers" if we were in 3rd grade. Then I started to beat myself up - "idiot" and "stupid" are old aquaintences whom I have not seen for some time but today were asking to come in - very loudly they were asking to come in.
So I stopped. And looked around me. And realized that today was one of those days that I didn't get that external validation of a job well done by the way of a smile, a nod or a "that's so great" type pat on the back. Today I didnt get any of that.
What I did get was awareness and a lesson.
I became aware of those voices from the past that bubble up when I am less than "perfect".
I became more aware of the shame that follows those types of thoughts and the isolation and desire to hide from the world when I am less than "perfect".
And I became aware that I could choose to follow those mean voices of the past, those thoughts that take me back down that old, beaten path of self hatred, the loneliness and isolation that surely follows.
And I became aware that today - I won.