Monday, March 26, 2012

Self, Space, Things and Time

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Space and things.


Sounds sort of Star Trekky, don't you think?

Yet this, I've found, is what "life" is made of.

This is where "I" exist and how I move myself through my life - by creating a framework for my life from the inside out…

Where my "doing" is fueled by my "being"…

Instead of the "doing”…

That comes from a life lived from the outside


This is the "how" behind becoming the creator of my life

Instead of that perpetual victim of life.

But - this is not what I've always known.

In fact...I experienced life like this for a long time...



Then space.



Or lack of.

This is where my life was a place where I never had enough


I wanted lots of things to fill my space and that took my time and



was never part of the equation.

I moved through my days chasing that elusive dream of

when I have the time

then I might have enough things

to fill my space

and finally




and thus

that ever elusive place of

Happily ever after.

The thing I've discovered though...

along the way from


to here...

Is that living my life like this...

was a huge part of that feeling "less than" and "never enough".


Well...for we've talked of many times...this was my "normal".'

And my "normal" was definitely not "healthy" nor was it functional and in fact was a very dys-functional way of trying to exist as a part of the bigger world.

In fact in living my life from the

outside in

rather than the inside out...

I felt very much disconnected....

Apart from

not a part of...

that bigger world.

So in order to find a way to "be" and "be ok"...

I had to find a way to exist

from the inside out

instead of

the outside in.

"Being" is the beginning of "doing".

Yet - we live in a world that values "doing" above "being".

So while there is a reason why I felt broken



and believed I was


When I learned how to give my "self" a form and a function

that began from the inside out

that is when my outside started to be more a reflection of my


Learning the how behind healing myself from the inside out...


learning to own the things that made me "me"...

My thoughts, beliefs, feelings and yes, my body

and how all of these parts of me are connected

and make me


was the beginning of learning how to shape my life from the inside out


instead of the outside in


that had been my normal.

Today then....

If I can begin by engaging with my "center"...

aka knowing my "self"

by knowing and owning the things that make me "me"...

my thoughts,

my feelings,

mybeliefs and

my body

within the framework of my space and things

my time

will no longer consume me

but becomes that path I follow

where I find that that my "doing" is truly fueled by my "being".

Learning to discover my "self" was the beginning of discovering the meaning of "self" empowered living.

How did I discover my "self"?

By learning to listen to and own those things that made me "me"...

My thoughts, beliefs, feelings and body.

I know...its hard sometimes - especially when for so long I did not have ownership of these parts of me that made me "me".

So the place to begin was to begin learning about "me" and

asking what it was that "I" was thinking

what "I" believed

what "feelings" I was feeling in my body - and

what I wanted to do with all of that.

There is no "right" or "wrong" when it simply is....

And "it" is pretty awesome:)

Live long...

Live well...

and prosper:)


Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!


Monday, March 19, 2012

Action Trumps Acceptance: Become the Creator

Christopher Reeves modeled for me
what it means to live in acceptance of what is
without letting it define what could be
Acceptance is a good place to be.

Learning to recognize and let go of what's not mine, learning to see myself as separate from others yet a part of a bigger world...

Was and is a big deal.

Acceptance of what was...

And of what is....

Is huge.



As I learn to accept those things that are outside of my control....

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference....

I got hung up on the first line of accepting what I cannot change.

But its the second line that gave me the power to shift from being a passive participant in life to becoming the creator of my life.

Hows that?

I came to understand that acceptance of what is beyond my control is only the beginning.

And that I'd missed the rest of the story - that I had become a passive observer of life....

Rather than the creator of my life.

Learning to live beyond that deep sense of powerlessness that left me hopeless is where I found my power....

And my hope.

You have the power to create your own unlimited life...

Regardless of what it is that you have come to accept as beyond your control.

Living in passive acceptance is different than living in acceptance. 

Healing is about learning to let go, yes.

Healing is also about learning to live....

And live well. *


Try simply observing the times you may be feeling distressed, overwhelmed...powerless. 

Ride that and through the anger, the grief...the fear.

Now look up...

And realize that this moment...

All is well and you....

Are the creator of  your "best life". 

Learning to let go is hard.

Learning to accept those things we cannot change or control is hard.

Learning to live is learning to accept those things of the past that haunt us and hunt us.

And accepting that today...

Truly is mine to create.

Acceptance is trumped only by Action.

Accept - yes.

But never settle.

You have the power.

It lives within you....

To shape and create the today that will take you to your tomorrow. 

It may not be what it might have been had you not suffered.

But it will always be the life that wasn't if we cannot let go of the life that was and the one that will never be because of our suffering. 

Action is the card that trumps acceptance and becomes the fuel that empowers us to push on and through to create our best life when today is hard because of yesterdays hurt.

Always here...

Always amazed by you:)


* Link: The Best Therapy for "mental illness": Recovery is about learning to live well. That is all. 

  1. Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!


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Monday, March 12, 2012

Your assignment if you choose to accept it...

What I think of you is not as important as what you think of you.

Get it?

As SRBT's* many of us learned early on that in and of ourselves we held no value. 

That we were unworthy of being loved simply because we existed.

That we had to earn the love of others but there was a secret about that rule that we weren't told..

That no matter what we did...

It was never



going to be enough.

We learned from a very early age that in and of ourselves we held no value and...

that our value came from others


that we had to learn to "read" others



physical appearance

(do they look mad, happy, like they are pleased with what I did or said?))

How are they holding their head....

uh oh


the hand on the hip

the furrowed brow...

better watch out....

to determine what our next word or action might be.

We didn't learn to read others expressions and behaviors to validate their feelings, wants and needs as theirs but

to learn to read others expressions and behavior to validate our feelings, wants and needs as being the right ones for us....

based on what others decided

wasn't going to

piss them off


make them happy.

Learning to see myself as separate from others and 

that what others said and did is about them

not me


hard. as. hell.


this was also the beginning of learning to see myself through the eyes of






just downright



in my own right.

Granted....I should have learned that lesson as a child.

I should have been told I was magnificent..

that I was going to make an amazing doctor one day

That I could be a ballerina

an architect

or any damned thing I dreamed of.

That I could find my light and follow it...

I should have learned to value myself for who I was

not what I could give, sacrifice or do.

But I didn't.

So now ----

the decision is up to me to learn to see myself as who I am and want to be

vs who others told me I was.

So what I think of you - or anyone else - is not as important...

as what you think of you. 

The trick was learning to recognize that those silent subtitles that ran in the back of my mind...



wh*** (thanks dad for that one)





Those are the lies as I see myself through the eyes of those who thought so little of themselves that they had to make me less....

so they could be more.

We can rewrite the program by learning how to be aware of whose voice we are listening to....

And choosing to write our own program.

What do you see when you see "me"?

Learning to let go of the hope the wish and the dream for something more than what I had is how I was able to determine what I would get.

True story:)

Now...your assignment if you choose to accept it:)

Go forth and rock this thing...

multiply them there good thoughts and do your own hostile take over....

Claim your tomorrow by refusing to let your yesterday take over your today:)

Uh huh.

It really is that simple.

Its not easy...

But it definitely is not rocket science:)

Does it take one time to do this?


Two times?


Then how many times did I have to catch those wicked ways of the past that were torturing me today?

As many times as it took.

Does it ever stop?

I don't know

Because I'm still doing it and I'm not always doing it perfectly but...

the point is to do it...

and not give up.

Baby steps is where we start...

And we keep taking those steps and trust they will take us to the next steps.

Change is hard but it doesn't stay hard because one day its no longer change because its the new normal.

The secret was not to have done it once

but to keep doing it.

True story:)


*SRBT's = Survivors of Really Bad Things = the most amazing beings that walk the face of this earth:)

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

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Monday, March 5, 2012

The Issue is not the issue

Sometimes I think...

My. god.

Shouldn't I be done with this by now? 

And the answer of course?



Part of life is knowing that the journey is not about arriving...

But about the journey.

Its not in doing it right

But about doing it. 

And when things come up...

as they do

knowing that no matter the issue at hand

the issue is really about

knowing I know how to handle the issue. 

Seeing myself as complete and capable to push past the roadblocks life throws me is the beginning of creating my "best life"...

Whats my "best life"?

The one I choose.

Every day.

The secret is not that I believe in you - but that you believe in yourself. 


I do believe in you:) 

In hearts, sparkles magic and music....


Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!  
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