Thursday, July 30, 2009

"Me" is good enough

So. Another day has past with no postings from me. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing here on the blogosphere, what is the purpose of this place I've created in the land of seemingly infinite - and sometimes scary space - THE WEB.

Some day's I feel like I have ton's to share. As though I could write a book if I could just sit down fast enough at my computer to get it all out. To spit it out, get it out of my head. But as soon as I sit down to write, my mind freezes up.

I've come a long way in a short time in this journey of healing, of self discovery. I know and realize this. Yet I'm still dogged by this issue that I cant "do it right". I'm still struggling with that deep inner doubt that no matter what I do or say, it is never enough, it is never right.

I understand where this comes from. It is the result of being raised by parents who doubted their own selves and passed this to me. It is from the belief that I had no real value since it was ok for adult men to use me - and then toss me aside. It is from being called names, neglected, get the picture. It is from the years of trying to "do it right" and yet it was never right enough.

Self doubt has followed me my entire life. But now I get to win. And today my effort at taking back the control that was taken from me as a child is to say that I know where this self doubt is coming from and today I do not accept it.

So while my post today may not be eloquent or snappy - it is of me and "me" is just good enough.


Ellen said...

Susan, I'm glad you're posting again. 'You' are definitely good enough! It's a good post about how it takes guts sometimes to keep writing a blog and taking a stand against that inner critic.
BTW, I did order the workbook you recommended. Hasn't arrived yet.

Susan said...

Ellen; thank you for stopping by. you made my day...see you again soon :) susan