Although being described as a geek tends to be an insult, the term has recently become more complimentary, or even a badge of honor, within particular fields. WikipediaOk, I'll admit it...and if you've been around for awhile you may have noticed that I'm a bit of a "word geek".
"Recovery" may work for you....but it doesn't give me any warm fuzzy feelings.
Wanna know what I changed this to?
Self discovery.
For you - "recovery" may be appropriate. But for me - since I never had the chance to develop a sense of self and well, became quite discombobulated and all that growing up in that nasty stuff...so
I went on a trip of sorts.
To figure out who "I" was in the midst of this journey.
This journey of healing
hope
and
Self discovery.
And oh yeah...
"Wellness".
Q: How do you describe your own personal journey?
6 comments:
And here's my question of the day (year) that is related to your word discernment:
How does one "recover" that which never was?
For example, with C-PTSD caused my chronic childhood trauma (in my case, this started at the age of 4 in my memory and my partner would say it started in the womb)...in this case, there is no "pre-trauma self" to get back to.
So then what?...normal approaches to PTSD need not apply here. (And I am not being negative -- I am a believer in all things possible, after all.)
"How does one "recover" that which never was?"
This is exactly what this post is about; I had no "pre trauma" me to "recover"....so the available treatments didn't apply and I couldn't do the work until I did THIS kind of work.
These are the questions that I would like to hit the "easy" button, order a brain/usb connector and the ability to go "click"! You now know what I know about this...:)
Since that is not possible:)....the short version of the long story....
These issues that I survived (my story is sounds similar to yours) interfered with the development of a healthy independent, interdependent sense of "self". Thus...low self esteem, self confidence, self image....anything "self" did not exist for me. I was a chameleon with no "me"...I became whoever I needed to be to survive.
The how - you are correct in that the typical PTSD or for that matter, any "adult" type of "treatments" or self help didn't work because well, I wasn't "grown up" yet....I didn't have a "me" a "self". I didn't exist.
What it came down to was learning about where my sense of powerlessness, hopelessness, and shame came from and learning how to sort of "reprogram" my belief system of "I'm bad, stupid etc" through a process of learning, understanding and then "doing" what I had learned.
There's more to it of course, and this is the purpose and hope of what this blog is about as I do my best to share the path I followed to not really "find" me- as "me" didn't exist....but to "find" ME and and shape create the "me" I decided to be today in spite of the past I'd had.
Good questions, Christine and you are not alone and your timing with these questions could not be more perfect.
You make a very good point about the use of the word recovery. I certainly do not want to recover to who I used to be. I know that most of my personal growth has come as a result of self discovery.
You are in good company it seems, Melissa...the word just didn't fit well for me. It's good to hear that you've been able to find what worked for you too!
I think, it's never a good idea to go "back to normal", to recover, after a crisis, with "normal" being how life used to be before. "Normal" doesn't necessarily mean "not dysfunctional". Actually, as I see it, "normal" more often than not in fact is pretty dysfunctional. If it wasn't, I doubt crisis (disregarded what kind of) would have happened at all.
I often hear labelled people say: "Oh, I sooo wish I was normal!" Well, I don't. "Normal" was hell. That's why eventually crisis became inevitable. And in as far as recovery means going back to hell, err, "normal" - no thanks!
It's funny, I used exactly the same term, discover, in my "not a recovery story" (sic). Life is not about stability (as in being stabilized on "meds"), changelessness. "Normality" often is. Life is about discovering, development, growth, transformation.
That said, I do use the term recovery. Since people do google it. ;)
You make some very good points Marion...."normal" in my family of origin is what caused the "disorder" to begin with .... to think about returning to that was not acceptable to me. And "normal"? Well that seems to be a word that is subjective to ones experiences:)
Good point on the SEO thought!
Post a Comment