Friday, August 5, 2011

Happiness Is (Not Always) A Choice

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!
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One of the things that I hear from survivors around the world is how the "positivity" movement neglects to take into account the reality of the traumatic experience.

Its as though somehow magically if we paste a smile on our faces and do the infamous "fake it till you make it" thing that our pain and distress will just....

poof!

Disappear.

And to those well intentioned folks who continue to tout the idea that the past has no impact on today I'm going to respectfully say...

Not. 

Over at Emerging From Broken trauma survivor and Coach Darlene Ouimet has posted yet another article on learning to live beyond broken and how happiness for someone who has been given the burden to make everyone else happy by discounting their own pain - is really not a choice.

Read up on this post here at Darlenes Blog....

It is only by understanding the source of our pain that we are often able to let go of it.

The benefit of this is that we can finally begin to see that we truly do hold the power over our own lives - but only after we give responsibility for others lives and happiness back to them.
~

From the archives...

Being Positive vs Being Pollyanna and Part 2 here is a guest post by Danni of Positively Present that discusses the difference between positivity that denies reality and that which honors it.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

"And to those well intentioned folks who continue to tout the idea that the past has no impact on today I'm going to respectfully say...

Not."

..i wish i knew how NOT TO have nightmares,the flashbacks,traumas etc.if these ''well intentioned folks ''could hold my hand and stay with me everytime that" evil face "plays inside my head and the words said are played over and over again and everytime i see myself as the 19 year old girl cryng,then i may feel happy for them just for holding my hand..nobody wants these kind of feelings,it is so painful..
being happy is being happy if i feel it in my own definition of happiness now and these are with the people who i feel safe with now.

Anonymous said...

"And to those well intentioned folks who continue to tout the idea that the past has no impact on today I'm going to respectfully say...

Not."

..i wish i knew how NOT TO have nightmares,the flashbacks,traumas etc.if these ''well intentioned folks ''could hold my hand and stay with me everytime that" evil face "plays inside my head and the words said are played over and over again and everytime i see myself as the 19 year old girl cryng,then i may feel happy for them just for holding my hand..nobody wants these kind of feelings,it is so painful..
being happy is being happy if i feel it in my own definition of happiness now and these are with the people who i feel safe with now....G

Susan said...

Thanks for your note G:) And I hear you. Discovering the connection of my past that was denied by so many for so many years left me feeling so much "less than' because I couldn't just "get over it" as others seemed to think I should. Being denied in the trauma then denied in the aftermath has been shown to be key to long term suffering. Learning that by facing the nightmare instead of denying it empowered me to begin to live beyond it.

I'm so sorry that you suffered. Our society has this innate need to deny the pain of others as though by doing so makes it not real. There is an intolerance for the natural emotional response to extreme life experiences. I'm glad you've found happiness (and maybe some peace:)) in safe relationships for today.

Thank you for writing and sharing:)

Anonymous said...

Agreed you can't just be happy when nigthmares and stuff is around when things around you make you sad or cry you can just be positive hope it goes away by time happy things make you happy but sad stuff that happen make you sad and sometimes you always be sad about it it a part of you that never can come back like being raped

Susan said...

Hi Anonymous; is true. Is difficult to be happy when the nightmares are happening although I never found that hoping they went away did any good. I needed to learn how to "deal" with those experiences so they were no longer nightmares. Thats what this blog is about - the how behind doing that. :)