Friday, September 30, 2011

I began to understand that it was all about me - not you or them....I was the "perfect victim"


Photo Credit


A note from the Empowering Solutions Community page on Facebook last week....


I kept getting stuck in abusive relationships and thought I had some sign on my back that said "kick me". So I worked really hard to try to "see" abuse in others to protect myself. But - what I found - is when I learned to understand why I was the "perfect victim" - I also learned to not only identify abusive persons (male or female/intimate/family/friends) but I learned to understand why it was so hard to "see" it playing out in my life and relationships. I also began to learn how to identify and engage in healthier relationships. Today I no longer feel like I have to live in chronic "hypervigelance" and bit by bit I am able to identify unhealthy relationships and make an exit before I get enmeshed and stuck in it again. At the same time - I'm discovering safe relationships that are based on equality and respect where I can finally feel safe vs that chronic state of "on guard" and that never ending dance-of-dysfunction.


Learning to live beyond that place where I saw everyone as the next potential abuser freed me up to first, see that I was not so powerless after all...


And second...


Understand that its pretty darn hard to see "healthy" when all I'm looking for is UNhealthy. 


I had to change my focus from what I hated...


to what I wanted.


to get where I wanted to go. 


Learning to see what it was about me and how my past life experiences had shaped me to become the "perfect victim" empowered me to...


no longer be a victim.


Understanding and "seeking" what it was about me that I'd learned when I'd learned to tolerate t...he intolerable


enabled me to understand why and how I continued to perpetrate the abusive relationships in my life and 


empowered me to begin to create my 


best life. 


From the archives on "relationships"...


Sometimes...


Ambivalence as a survival skill


Back to basics....when life gets messy


Black and White...the Zebra Effect


"12 Things" on Empowering Solutions at Blog Talk Radio...

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Join us at the Empowering Solutions Community here. :) 



2 comments:

Mike Haitch said...

That hits the spot for me today.

Susan said...

Good to hear Mike:)