The Power Within

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It was when I stopped seeking for my solutions outside of myself that I found the power within myself to create the change that changed my life by owning my own power to overcome the symptoms of distress instead of coping, managing, medicating and in general avoiding it.


I know, I know...what is all this about "The Power Within"? This sounds more like a motivational tag line for an upcoming Tony Robbins seminar than anything useful.


Well, yeah. 


Until I actually discovered that the key to my living beyond the emotional and cognitive distress that haunted me and influenced my life-after-trauma-and-all-bad-things


really did come from within myself


not anyone or anything


not a tip


a trick


or a really great therapist.


But from within myself. 


Don't get me wrong...


Tips, tricks and a good therapy relationship...those external resources we seek out and find are very often helpful in our journey from


there (darkness)


to 


here (living in the light:))


but they are not the solution


the "fix"


or the 


source


of our healing or our peace. 


The thing is that these external resources were useless to me without this insight and I stayed mired in the bog of 


nightmares


flashbacks


resentments, panic, anxiety, depression, dissociation, physical illness, pain, distress and in general 


I felt hopeless that anything could be different


and


helpless that I could change anything about my life.


I felt and believed I was completely powerless.


I had no clue as to why I could not find my way out of that dark place. 


I could see there was a light shining at the end of that dark tunnel.


But I didn't know how to get there.


Until I discovered that I held the power to free myself from the pain of the past by learning to pull my 


thoughts and feelings


out of the past and into today.


This did not happen all at once. 


There were no bells and whistles that went off, no celebration telling me that I'd arrived...


"Yay! You are now done!"


There was no magic wand that anyone could wave over me to say 


"it is done"


in a deep wizardy kind of voice:)


No.


There was me, myself and I


practicing catching the thoughts that said things like


I'm scared


I'm stupid


What the hell...life sucks and then you die 


so why bother?


Give it up


I can't do this any more


and learning to identify those thoughts as coming from the source of the bad things in my life and that I had adopted those thoughts as my truth..


my belief system that my entire being and life was based on.


I had firmly believed that I was worthless and powerless to change my life or choose who I wanted to be each day.


And no amount of "you shouldn't think like that" could change that belief without some effort on my part.


It's very much like reprogramming a computer that was infected by a virus...sometimes the virus can be hidden but when we realize that something is wrong with out output we can follow the symptoms back to the source of the problem to the operating system and clean up the hard drive and we get new output...we get new results when we remove it instead of just masking it, avoiding dealing with it or pretending it never happened. 


And so it is in this journey from


there


to here


we don't arrive all at once, there is no software program to run, no pill, no therapist that can wipe our hard drive clean for us. They can guide us but when it comes down to it we find our own power to catch the virus


clean and rewrite the hard drive


and we don't do it all at once


but by


putting one foot in front of the other


one day at a time.

Making Peace with the Past

At Peace

I'd spent 17 years in America's mental health system, my history of trauma and abuse neglected and dismissed as unimportant. Yet it was only upon leaving this system that had denied my life experiences as having any impact on my life that I began to find healing and make peace with the past. I began to explore and understand the role of emotions in healing from the pain of the past and all that goes with it in human emotional pain and the physical response to cognitive distress. 


I knew I was making progress in my healing journey as I began to move from wanting and needing the  comfort of another and became able to finally sit with my own pain instead of striving to avoid it. 


Was this an easy thing to do?


Very simply...


Hell no. 


I was taught early on that my thoughts, feelings and choices were wrong and that to have an original thought or feeling of my own, to take any self initiated action would result in somehow being minimized and discredited, abused and left to understand that I was


unimportant.


So no; it was not easy to learn to sit with and face my past and the reality of what was my truth.


It was not easy to realize that no matter how hard I tried I could not create the perfect world today for myself where I was valuable and honored by striving to finally be accepted as good enough or that I had finally done something...anything...right enough.


It was not easy to fully face the reality that there was no 


quick fix


no magic pill 


to take away my pain


but that 

to heal from the loss of all that should have been and

that which will never be

is to embrace that which was

and is.

~


Today I Cried

~

No More Shame: 200 Men Stand Together

Part of this healing journey is having our our trauma experiences validated by others....


This week has been groundbreaking in the area of breaking the shame and the silence around sexual abuse.  Oprah Winfrey invited 200 adult men to come forward and tell their stories.


Generation after generation of sexual abuse is happening around the world. Yet - the stories are often never told.  In therapy many of us have been told that the past had nothing to do with our today, to just get over it, move on; we are often labeled and medicated.  


Our very being is denied when these life changing experiences are dismissed as inconsequential and unimportant by others. 


Today, abuse of all forms are still not freely shared or discussed


yet...


 it is in the telling of the story and having it validated as horrible by another human being that allows us to finally begin to move on and begin to create a life beyond this kind of life experience.


There is a time to put the past to rest, to move on, to create the life we want for ourselves but when we are denied this part of the healing process and forced to carry these burdens alone in time our pain will surface in a myriad of symptoms and very often become a distraction to the real issues that are overlooked. 


The only way out


is through.


With that said; this broadcast may be triggering to those who have survived childhood sexual abuse yet at the same time there are great hints at how to begin this healing journey. 


Please make sure you are in a safe, supportive place if you are concerned that you may be triggered...


Please follow the link below to watch this in its entirety on Oprah.com


200 Adult Men Who Were Molested Come Forward on Oprah


For resources to support your own healing journey check out our Resources page

From Stuck to Un-Stuck

Freedom

Finding myself in a "stuck" place where all I could do was talk about a life event or those involved in it became a signpost telling me where I was in my journey.


I've learned that I could get myself "un-stuck" if I could shift to talking and thinking in terms of how the event affected me instead of what others have done, didn't do or should have done...


Very often the first emotion I would feel around a particular life event that came up in my healing journey was anger, especially if my initial perceptions and feelings around this event had been denied by others in some way.


It was through learning to validate my own experiences and the emotional pain around it that I was able to make the mind shift from anger and rumination to acceptance and resolution. 

This is where I discovered what it meant to "go through" to "get out of" the pain of the past as I allowed the initial anger to be the door to grief and grief the key to my freedom. 

~

You may also like...

Haiku: Tears wash the soul free


I Believed

~

You will never be merely..."pretty" - Poetry Slam 2007 Katie Makkai

Be your gender male or female I believe you will find this video to be inspiring.

To all of my friends, around the world who are traveling this journey from there to here where we get the opportunity to create not who we might have been but to become


all that we are...

I can do this thing called "Life!"

Photo Credit:)

This is something of a "sing along"......:)


Its one of those made up verses that has gotten stuck in my head this morning and it leaves me with one of those feel-good-fuzzy-warm-from-the-inside-cup-of-hot-cocoa kinds of feelings inside....:)


Think Julie Andrews/Mary Poppins kind of voice as she


floats into the window....


Sunshine streaming behind her as she winks and begins to sing...



I can do this thing!

I can do this thing!

I can do this thing!

called

Life!

Happy Friday everyone!

En Joy your weekend!

I Will Never "Get Over It"

Peace is Possible

Along the path I have followed in my journey through to get out of the pain of a past complicated by trauma, I struggled to understand the how behind "making peace" with the past....

"Let go"

"Acceptance"

"Live in the now"

and my favorite (not)

"get over it".

Are all phrases that in the past had no meaning to me - other than to tell me that I was somehow doing this "recovery" thing

wrong.

Those who shared these pearls of wisdom did so with the best of intentions, I'm sure. But I had no internal understanding of "how" to "do" this.

Until I learned that to live in acceptance was very different than

"stuffing"

and

"avoiding"

the pain of the past that was stealing my "now" as I focussed on the resentments because I did not have the understanding of the role that

"grief"

played in this journey as I travelled that road to get from "there"

that "dark place"

to "here"

where I "live in the light"

and create the life I choose for myself each day.

And this, I have found, is the crux of finding "acceptance" in this healing journey...

To grieve 


what was


and that which will never be


to accept 


what is


and is not.

I will never "get over it"

in the sense that it will never affect me again.

But rather that it will no longer

consume me

the way it did when my entire purpose in life was to live in

"avoidance" of the pain.

I see the Light in You...

Namaste

I see the light in you that is the light in me.

This quote came to me via some friends on Facebook recently.....and I wanted to share it with you...

'May today there be peace within. 


May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. 


May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. 


May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. 


May you be content with yourself just the way you are. 


Let this knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love....


It is there for each and every one of us"


~Unknown

I wish for each of you that which you wish for yourself.....:) 

In appreciation of your presence in my journey and support of your dreams!

Namaste:)

You may enjoy this post....Yes. You Can. 

From the archives: October 2009

This message is one that pulls at my heart and soul and gives my spirit wings and deserved to be reposted. From the archives of 2009.


Yes. You can. 

A Pantene commercial with extraordinary deliverance of a message for you today..

Yes.

Whatever it is that is your Nemesis.

The message today is

Yes.

You can overcome it.

Yes

You can find your way.

Very simply.

Yes yes yes

You can.

Seeing My Failure in the Success of Others

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I learned from a very young age that I had no control over my life. That what happened to me and around me did not come from within me but was the result of what other's did or didn't do.

I spent a lifetime looking at the world around me from this perspective.

I did not see the world as my "oyster"

I saw the world as everything that I never had and never would have.

Anything that I did have was a fluke because I had worked "hard enough" or done something "right enough" but I did not believe that it was long lasting or something that I could repeat.

I could not take credit for any success and constantly demeaned myself and any good thing that was in my life. I expected good things to be temporary, fleeting and as though the good feeling of accomplishment was a bad thing because that was my life experience...

...that good things may come my way but don't get too excited because it will not last.

Someone or something will take it away from me.

I saw all "good things" in my life as having come from someone or something outside of myself and often this included being able to manipulate someone else into providing me with my solutions by living in that state of perpetual victimhood.

And there was always someone ready and willing to rescue me from myself and "fix" me or my life and reenforce that I was incapable of learning how to take care of myself and be my own best resource.

I saw myself as "powerless" and I felt hopeless to create conscious change in my own world, my own life. I saw the world outside of myself as both my problem and my solution.

I felt helpless to be the "captain of my own ship" or the creator of my own universe.

Because I'd been taught that I was not "good enough" could not do things "right enough" and somehow was just not "enough"; that my world, my dreams, my hopes, my "being" was defective, corrupt; that my life was not in my hands.

I developed a dependence on people, places and things outside of myself to shape my life and tell me what to do. I often struggled with making even the simplest of decisions - so I often did made no decision, took no action - while my life passed me by.

Consequently, when I saw others in this healing journey making progress and moving forward in their own lives finding peace, joy and happiness - I couldn't celebrate with them because in their success I saw my failure.

Instead of seeing hope for something that I could accomplish for myself I saw all that I did not - and believed that I could not - have.

Today then....

When I see another's success...I intentionally catch the negative thoughts of jealousy and resentment about what I never had, don't have and never will have and the rumination about my own history and pain where I live in that chronic state of hopelessness....and choose to look through a different lens; a lens of hope.

And suddenly I began to see what I could have.

If you are looking for resources to support you in your own journey to wellness please check the resource page here.

"Un-diagnosed" from "Bi Polar disorder"

Freedom

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To be what we are and to become what we are capable of becoming

is the only end in life. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

A friend sent me a link to this story of a young woman who had been diagnosed as "Bi Polar" and now lives free of the drugs, the mental health system...and the "diagnosis". 

Here's an excerpt from this celebratory post of her finding freedom from "diagnosis"....


"Dr. R: Wow. That's really interesting. So this bipolar diagnosis we have on here really isn't relevant any more. I'm going to take it off your records."


You can read the rest of this post by clicking here....


You can read about Will Halls approach to safely coming off psychotropic medications from a harm reduction approach. Here's a brief excerpt and description about this guide:


"A 'harm reduction' approach means not being pro- or anti-medication, but supporting people to make their own decisions balancing the risks and benefits involved. Written by Will Hall, with a 14-member health professional Advisory Board providing research assistance and 24 other collaborators involved in developing and editing. The guide has photographs and art throughout, and a beautiful original cover painting by Ashley McNamara."


You can download and read Will's guide here.


You can read my disclaimer about psychotropic drugs  here.

Change is in the air!

Susan Kingsley-Smith

Change is a good thing!

I've been having some challenges with my name....and have been considering a name change for some time but - after being relocated to 3 different hotel rooms this week because there were 3 "Susan Smiths" at the conference...and once again asked if I was the Susan Smith who drowned her children - its official; my new online name will be "Susan Kingsley-Smith".

Empowering Solutions! Author, Educator and Coach Shamash Alidina on using the R.A.I.N. formula to manage painful emotions

Empowering Solutions is a Blog Talk Radio program hosted by me, Susan Kinglsey-Smith, that focus' on sharing solutions that will empower you to take control of your healing journey!

Learning to use mindful self awareness to deal with difficult emotions is a vital core component of healing from trauma regardless of its source or cause. Mindfulness is a protective environment where we can begin to release difficult emotions and this month on Empowering Solutions we'll be talking with Shamash Alidina on this topic.


Shamash Alidina is an Author, Mindfulness Trainer, Coach, Educator and Lecturer and who recently published his best selling book “Mindfulness for Dummies”. On Empowering Solutions this month we'll be talking with Shamash and his insight into mindful awareness as a tool and the skills in using his RAIN formula to learn to manage distressing emotions and other mindful techniques to support your healing journey!


Learning and practicing mindful self awareness when things are calm will empower us to conquer the pain when life is difficult; R.A.I.N. is formula we can use to begin to "go through" to "get out of" the pain of PTSd. 


Go to Empowering Solutions on Blog Talk Radio to listen to this Empowering Solutions broadcast with Shamash Alidina, Author of Mindfulness for Dummies!

Being Positive vs. Being Pollyanna Part 2 by guest blogger Dani of Positively Present

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"We looked for the good (in them), and we found it." ~Pollyanna

Today is Part 2 of a guest post written by Dani of Positively Present; in today's post, Dani takes a look at the difference between what many of us know as the positive thinking that often discounts our experiences and introduces us to the true inspiration behind that "Pollyanna attitude"...


By: Dani of Positively Present


Though it’s been awhile since I’ve seen the film, I believe that Pollyanna was a positive thinker. She didn’t ignore the negative, but instead chose not to dwell on it.

Considering her situation, I’m sure she was combating a great deal of negativity within herself, but she make the conscious choice to focus on what was good in her life.

However, media and culture has taken Pollyanna’s positive thinking and turned it into a negative. It’s convinced us that Pollyanna naively saw the good in the world around her without acknowledging the bad.

Whether or not this is the case is mostly irrelevant considering Pollyanna is a fictional character. What is relevant is what people in real life do.

Those who choose to take part in Pollyannaism, as it’s been named, will choose to ignore the negative and only focus on the positive. This can be extremely delusional and, in my opinion, is not at all the same as positive thinking.

To live a truly positive life, one must consider both the negative and positive aspects of life and then choose to focus on the good.

In addition, in order to live a positive life, one must begin by looking for the good in things.

While negative elements of life should not be ignored, it’s not helpful to seek them out either.

In the film version of Pollyanna, Pollyanna wears on a chain a quote from Abraham Lincoln: "When you look for the bad in men, expecting to find it, you surely will." I believe these words to be true.

When you search for the negative things in people (and in life), you will find them.

Conversely, when you search for the positive, what you find will be positive.

In my opinion, Pollyanna’s gotten a bad reputation for being overly optimistic and sickeningly positive, but I’m not entirely sure that’s accurate.

The character of Pollyanna did not strive to ignore reality or avoid the truth of what was happening in her life. Instead, she chose to face the negative situations head-on and look for the good in them, as any positive thinking person would.

She chooses the path in life that so few people walk down—a path on which positive thinking blooms and inspiration can be found in even the darkest of places.

When looking for inspiration, we should not look to the formulaic version of Pollyanna that has been perpetuated by the media.

We should not aspire to think that everything is happy and perfect and positive.

Instead, we should look to the true heart of Pollyanna’s tale and aspire to be like the little girl who, while coping with the negative in her life, continued to strive diligently to see the good in all that was around her.

Dani, a twenty-something striving to live positively in the present moment, wrote this post. Dani’s blog, Positively Present, embraces the idea of “living happily ever after now” by focusing on all things positive. Dani is also the creator and author of Hope Springs Internal, a blog focusing on the positive representations of women in the media. You also find Dani on Twitter @positivepresent.

I'd like to thank Dani for providing this insightful look into living a positive and insightful life! I hope you'll drop by Dani's blog and let her know that you found her via "A Journey"!

Q: How do you view making the choice to live positively in the present?

Social Media Makes a Difference: Will Hall and NEC have reached an agreement (Alternatives 2010)

A brief update on the issue from yesterdays post "Alternatives censures Will Halls message of choice" about  NEC/SAMHSA renaming Will Halls workshop:


Social Media has once again made a difference and the many voices that spoke up were heard. 


Following a last minute censure of the title and content of a workshop previously approved, NEC director Dan Fisher announced this evening that Will Hall's presentation is back on the agenda with no censuring. Will Hall has agreed and will be presenting his workshop: "Coming Off Medications: A Harm Reduction Approach".


More on this later...