As It Goes…

So, as it goes, things change. Life is an evolution and for me a marvelous, exciting and sometimes challenging experiment.

I've been writing here at A Journey since April 6, 2009 where I began to chronicle my journey out of the darkness  and into the light after a lifetime of seeing myself as a victim who had "no choice" and realizing in this amazing journey that I no longer had to live as a victim and that there was life far beyond "recovery" and survival. 

Then for awhile my path shifted and as the student who tries to be ready, I found myself drawn to other adventures like creating the Empowering Solutions page and podcast.

I tried my hand at guest blogging at a few places and was able to contribute on some issues that are very dear to my heart like the abuse and dysfunction many of us come from  , finding our own path to personal empowerment  and sharing a bit of my story as it relates to how I experienced the nearly 2 decades of my life when I was told by doctors that I had a brain disease, was ill and would need "medication for life" and the resulting years of protracted withdrawals when another doctor decided I no longer needed them as a trauma survivor. (NOTE: NEVER let a doctor tell you that you can "just stop" these drugs; this is very dangerous. I was fortunate to have the tenacity to go through this and come out the other end ok; many are not able to tolerate the impact of cold turkey or even a short taper. Get informed to be empowered - you can start here if you need resources.)

I wrote about how I came to choose a new paradigm for myself and this has led to my coming to terms with realizing that I had never been "sick" and that it was the drugs I was being given that actually was the source of the symptoms that seemed to get worse instead of better, even though I was following "doctors orders" to the letter.

As time went on my focus shifted to healing myself and my psyche from the damage of being told I was "ill" and the realization that I am not what they told me I was and had been so terribly harmed and made ill by those I trusted with my health and my life; my doctors and those I sought out for support and help in my journey.

In following the inner drive to make meaning of these experiences, in time I found myself shifting my focus from this blog to the Facebook platform where I have met hundreds and thousands of amazing people on their own individual journey's.

Here I found a camaraderie of persons who have experienced their own journey to well being in many different ways. To each of you - I am in awe of your strength and courage and in complete gratitude that somehow our paths have crossed. In support of those who have wondered about the use of psychiatric drugs I created a workshop and website and was invited to contribute a chapter on using the internet and social media to find support.

Time moved on and I was seeming to lose my voice, I was unclear to my path and my purpose and realized along the way that in order for me to regain my footing and clarity that it was vital that I stop trying to create new things and start focusing on letting go of the old so I could embrace the new. 

So here we are.

It's nearly autumn 2014 and my journey is again changing directions as I focus on continuing to reclaim my health, create my best life and rediscover my voice.

I don't have a clear vision of what my path is just yet - but I do have a desire again to write now and then so - stay tuned; my hope is that we will continue to travel this path together.

Namaste.

May you be well, be happy and live in peace.

Susan

I Found My Freedom When I Found My Power (Interdependence v.s. Dependence)

As things would have it - it is perhaps not quite time to retire this blog. I'm still not sure about the direction I'm going but I do know that my Journey is not over. 

Therefore, todays post....

For a very long time I firmly believed that my "moods" were a "disorder". 

I had been led to believe that the reason I struggled in life and relationships was not because of the pattern of trauma and abuse in my life but because there was something wrong with my brain.

What I discovered was that while this particular paradigm is the only one that we hear about most often in the context of "mental health"...

It is not the only way to view the life issues that left us feeling unprepared to deal with life on life's terms.

In fact - after fifteen years of believing this and that I would never get "better"....

I found my freedom when I found my power.

This brings me to this...

In a recent post (elsewhere) I responded to an article where the focus was on "managing" "symptoms" of "disorders" like depression, anxiety etc via human connection. 

This essay went on to say that this person was falling back into their anxiety and depression because on the weekends they did not have the structure they do during the week. The thing that "saved" them from falling into their dark hole was a friend who called to invite them to do something. 

The response was "you just gave me a reason to get out of bed". 

And - yes. 

We DO need human connection and love in our lives.

Yet - when we need others to "give us a reason to get out of bed" we are in fact being "dependent" vs "independent". 

And the idea that one must "live with" and "manage" "symptoms"....

Well - I see this as part of the issue with being dependent on others to do something in order for us to feel better. 

Healthy "interdependent" relationships do not depend on others to do for us that which we can and should be doing for ourselves.

If we are struggling with "symptoms" we can learn how to meet our own needs vs waiting for someone to rescue us. 

If there is "disorder" - we can create "order" - and that began for me in realizing that waiting for someone to "give me a reason to live/get out of bed/go to school etc....

Was giving my power away. 

The "Empowering Solutions" project is about us learning to take control of changing our lives v.s. needing others or circumstances to change in order for our lives to change. 

If we are feeling hopeless we can find our hope by finding our power.

Tip: if you are feeling like you are falling into that dark place - try calling a friend to go do something instead of waiting for them to call you. If that friend is not available - call another. If that friend is not available just go for a walk or a bike ride and purpose to smile and say hello to everyone you pass. Make that human connection you are craving instead of waiting for someone to connect with you. 

We can own the power we have to create the life we want instead of living a life we tolerate. 

Is it easy? 

No.

Is it worth it?

Hell yes. 

Related: Defeating Depression 

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™

Good Day/Bad Day

Along the way I discovered that the idea of a "bad" day....wasn't so helpful or supportive of the life I wanted for myself soooo..............

To start having "good days"? 

I had to learn to consciously choose to shift my mind from "crap. Another day."...

To..."Damn! Another amazing day!".

Key words:

conscious = aware on purpose

choose = making the decision to be conscious of the day I was creating for myself and taking action to shift my mindset from one perspective (life sucks) to another (life rocks!). On purpose.

Simples steps for real change. :)

Did I succeed all the time every day?

Not at first.

In the beginning I had more "off" days than "on" days but again ...

By choosing to return to the idea of what I wanted in time I found I had created a life that I wanted.

True story:)

This really isn't the rocket science I'd thought it was.

It came down to choice...

First learning that I had a choice then....

Making the choice to choose.

Yup.

It really is that simple although....

Its not always that easy.

This again....

Is the "hard work" of learning to no longer be that perpetual victim of life but to become the creator of my best life.

I'm right there with you....:)

You can do this....

The hardest part was the first time I tried to make this mindshift from...

"WTF"

to

"What a life!".

Some tips?

Write this on a sticky note, note cards....put them in your books, stick it to your mirror...make a ring tone for your phone...journal in your notebook each morning....

repeat out loud many times each day....

My life is amazing! 

Then engage with the process by purposing to think it, do it, say it and fake it till you make it....

And trust that the process will work for you too.

Heres the kicker....

We can choose to engage - or not.

And by making no choice - we've chosen.

This is not a passive process.

By choosing to engage you are choosing to create change that can, over time, change your life. 

You are amazing:)

We begin by beginning here; right where we are.

You're a rock star and I'm thrilled to be your groupee:)

Always, always!

Susan:)



Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

 

www.myempoweringsolutions.com

"I can't take it anymore" - Overwhelm as a normal response to overwhelming life experiences

"Overwhelm" is a common place for those who hail from backgrounds of drama/trauma/dysfunction.

Why? Because we are defective?

No.

Because we were often required to live life in survival mode where we rarely got reprieve from balancing learning and growing with staying out of harms way (be that emotional, psychological or physical harm). 

We also did not learn valuable life skills like prioritizing, choosing, organizing, boundary setting, self care and so on.

But today we are talking about that place of overwhelm...


That place where we want to stand up....

Stomp our foot...

And scream from the top of our lungs...

I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!

AAARRRRGGGGGG!

Or...

Maybe instead of lashing out...

We try to escape.

We run away.

We avoid.

We say one thing....

Why yes! I'd be delighted to help you paint your house, pack it up and move you across town!  

Yet do another....

That was yesterday? OMG! I completely forgot! 

Or maybe we'll get "sick"...or "hurt"

I am so sorry....I woke up with a sore throat/was up all night with my son/daughter/cat/dog...vomiting omg...I feel so sick, my foot is broken, I twisted my ankle chasing the damned cat....

Or maybe we'll pick a fight...

You said you would ____________. You are such a jerk/bitch/a****le. Well hell no - I'm not going to help you move. 

Or maybe we just....go away and fall into a place of depression and despondency...

Hoping no one finds us but ...wanting someone to rescue us, to pay attention to us....to take care of us. 

The point is....


A feeling of overwhelm is a normal response for those of us who have not had the life experiences that would allow us to know how to balance life on lifes terms. 

AND....

We can learn the coping and life skills that will enable us to feel empowered.


We can choose to change how we view ourselves....and the world around us.

We can learn to live as the creator of our "best life"...

That we can live our own "Un-limited life".

Where to begin? 

Right here.

Right now.

We begin by taking this off "auto pilot" and...

1. Acknowledge where we are right now - and that we don't have to stay there

Recognize and acknowledge that people, places, things and life circumstances are not causing our feeling of overwhelm but - that our inner resources are exhausted. 


Acknowledge and come to an understanding that the coping and life skills we learned in the trauma/drama/dysfunction were insuffiencient to allow us to not feel overwhelmed. 

Acknowledge that to create this change will take time and by knowing where I'm at....is the first step to getting where I want to be. 

2. Accept this as a normal response for our life experiences and that we can learn to live beyond it. 

Practice accepting that we are not defective but - that we are complete and full of an inner wisdom that once we begin to tap into it and become the creator of our life rather than a perpetual victim of life. 


Learning to view overwhelm not as  disorder or character defect -  but a normal human response to life circumstances that have overwhelmed our ability to cope is where I found the power to create this change. 

3. Awareness that this will take time. 

Grasp that there is no magic bullet, no one can fix this for us - but when we begin to see ourselves as capable...we will also begin to see how to create this change for ourselves

Focusing not on what we see as impossible but - each day rehearsing what we want for ourselves and the infinite possibilities that await us

Understand that it takes time to create change - that it is only in our childlike pain of never "being enough" that keeps us stuck in the magical thinking that we "should" be "better" "by now. Awareness and acknowledgement that we are human, that this is a normal thing to struggle with and that by taking action today I can have the tomorrow I want. 

Understanding that the expectations of others are often way below or way above where are at any given moment. Learning to become aware of how others expectations affect us can enable us to let go of the idea that we have to be anything other than who we are. That we ARE "enough".

4. Knowing that engaged action will take us from where we are to where we want to be

We can spend years...decades...a lifetime....wishing, wanting and talking about what we want - but never achieving the kind of change that can change our life. It is often when we stop talking about it that we finally do something about it.

Taking one action each day will get us to where we want to be tomorrow. Creating a plan on purpose is the beginning of shifting our wishes, dreams and desires from "some day..." to today. 

Not knowing where to start...makes it tough to start. Begin the day with remembering to live in awareness of the feeling of overwhelm as well as some new coping strategies.

A few tips to get you started on learning to live beyond overwhelm...

• Step back, don't say "yes" right away, always wait 3 days before making a commitment to a new idea or project, 
• Get honest with yourself. If you don't want to do something - make it ok to admit that instead of blaming someone else for your overwhelm. 
• Practice saying "no" in little ways to develop the confidence to say "no" to bigger issues. Saying "no. I'd like that table over there" at a restaurant is sort of a pre-requisite for being able to say "No. I'd rather see this movie" to an intimate relationship. 
• Recognize when you are falling into avoidance by picking a fight, "forgetting", getting "sick" or hurt in order to find an excuse to say "no". There is no shame and much power in choosing to live in conscious awareness of the subtle intent behind our actions. 
• Own up - when you catch yourself using old coping strategies like picking a fight and blaming others for your overwhelm.....first - admit it to yourself then apologize to the people involved."I was feeling really overwhelmed about coming over yesterday to help you paint and I took it out on you instead of telling you how I was feeling and that I really just wanted to stay home. I'd like to apologize for blasting you." (NOTE: This does NOT mean we have to stay around if the person involved starts chastising or shaming us instead of accepting our apology. It is ALWAYS ok to excuse ourselves from situations that feel bad)

Understanding that our current method of dealing with overwhelm are learned behaviors (responses to stress) AND that as such...

We can learn how to do it differently.

Now...

Go forth and rock your world:)

Show em what you've got....

Let a little light in....

And you'll light someone else's life a little:)

Always here,

Susan

This link is where you'll find some related posts on learning to let life unfold...naturally. Click here to go there. :) 

PS....

The "how" behind the journey is a learning process. Join us at the Facebook Community page here for the daily notes and get on the list here for upcoming events and news. 

PPSS...thanks for reading and please consider sharing:) 



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Finding purpose in my passion

We all have a gift

That is ours to share

To ease the journey

From here to there....

When I stopped seeking my purpose in the things I did and do...

I found my purpose was to share the journey with you.

May today you see your gift in the journey....

Is the journey.

Oftentimes I would find myself wondering what it was that I was supposed to do with my life. 

And a fellow traveler shared with me that by following my own path....

I would find my purpose.

That my life would define itself as I learned to define my "self". 

That my "doing" would emerge from my "being".

That my purpose would be found as I found healing from my pain.

Follow your passion to find your purpose.

It will look different that my path.


It will be your own.


It will become almost magical...


As "coincidences" happen....


As circumstances just seem to "fall into place".


It will be the thing we dreamed of....


But it may not "look" like what we'd imagined.


So listen...


To your passion...


Because this....


Is often your purpose. 


Then - let go of trying to shape it...


And simply let it happen. 


When its "hard"?


Simply step back and see what "feels" right. 


Which path holds the light?


Learning to let go of the past...is often the beginning of finding the thing we can hold onto for our future.

Always believing in you:)

Susan


The journey is always a journey that changes and grows over time we never "arrive" but we are always present, growing, changing and evolving:) 


Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

 

 Go here www.empoweringsolutionsnow.com to register for Project 360 to get more empowering solutions in your inbox and be on the list to receive my gift to you, my first ebook: Empowering Solutions: From the Beginning.

About my passion

photo credits

Learning to Love the Journey

November 24 2011

We must learn how to "be" in order to "do" effectively. Without a clear sense of "self" and "being" in our space and world our "doing" often resembles a chaotic dance where the task is to catch and correct vs. that place of conscious creation. ~Susan 

In the issues faced by those who hail from a background of family dysfunction - be that dysfunction the extreme control of a dictatorship regime to that of having no clear limits and life is a free for all....we arrive at adulthood without a clear sense of self. 

Our dance with life becomes not one where we know and trust our own dreams and desires that guide our purpose and our passion but one of trying to "figure out" what it is that everyone else seems to know that we don't. Its sort of like showing up at the office and everyone else got the memo but we didn't. 

In the work of Bessel Van der Kolk and others who are looking at the long term effects of childhood trauma - one of the key components is that survivors grow up without a clear sense of self. 

Relationships are volitile. Life is chaotic. A perpetual sense of powerlessness prevails as does a sense of hopelessness for anything to ever be different. 

How do I know this?

Because I have lived it. 

And learned to live

beyond it.

And what I've discovered is that the place to begin is not that of viewing myself as forever broken but to view myself as fully capable and complete with the inner wisdom to create the life I want for myself.

The secret is not to focus on fixing what is "wrong"...

But to focus on learning how to "be"- and be ok.

To create what I want instead of avoid what I hate.

And in doing so I have discovered that if this is where I begin my days....

That all I do becomes not a validation of my worth...

But an expression of my being. 

You can do this.

Yes. 

It sucks.

A lot.

Very often.

Yet....

the journey of a thousand miles...

or a lifetime....

begins with taking that first step and doing that again....

over

and over

and over.

The joy comes in learning to love the journey. 

Always, always in awe of your amazing courage to keep going when it really really sucks. 

Susan

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

 

Inspiration.....Return To Innocence

A friend and member of the Empowering Solutions Community on Facebook shared this with me today....and I wanted to share it with you.




Love (Love, Love)
Devotion (Devotion, Devotion)
Feeling (Feeling. Feeling)
Emotion (Emotion, Emotion)

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence 
~

It is never too late...


to create your best life. 


Return to you to find your light...


Follow your passion


To discover your purpose...


And there is where we can make sense of that which makes no sense.


With love,


SusanKs


Lyrics from sing365

Changing My View Changed My World

Understanding that my outside world was a reflection of my inside world empowered me to begin to see how by changing my inside world that I could change my outside world.

I used to wonder how I was supposed to handle all the crap life threw at me.

Abuse and neglect from an early age left a very bad taste in my mouth about life in general. 

When others would look at the world and see sunshine and lollipops all I saw was 

shit. 

Life was dark. I was dark. I didn't give a damn and believed that no one gave a damn about me.

Until

I discovered and came to understand that the purpose of my journey was not to make my life, my circumstance and the people who shared my space 

perfect.

Not at all.

In fact what I discovered is that there is no such thing as perfect and that as long as I was trying to be perfect

I was being far from perfect.

It was when I realized that my job was not to shape my circumstances to make me feel ok

but to learn to accept my circumstances and then

I would be

ok.

My circumstances may not change but the way I experience them can change me. 

My world changed when I changed my view of the world

and the story I told myself about it.

Listen or download Empowering Solutions on Blog Talk Radio: "story" or "Story"; From Rumination To Resolution by clicking here. 

From the Archives:

The original post "story" or "Story" and Natasha Bedingfield "You are Unwritten"

I Held the Key To My Freedom

Photo Credit

Friday Follow Ups and Back to Basics!

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Today I wanted to get back to basics...in my Blogging, my advocacy, my writing, my purpose and my passion.

Wha a?

The past couple of weeks my time and attention has been split....pretty thin.

Here's a few things I've been contributing to and working on....

Last week I was Guest Blogger at Emerging From Broken where...


I shared parts of my story in more depth and detail than I ever have in the past. Ever. Anywhere. 

Whats it about?

Learning to identify how I finally came to understand what it meant and means to have my "self" suffocated and my body and being used as an object to serve others.

And - how in this process I also discovered the path to freedom and made that shift from coping, managing and surviving to...


Living.


My best life. 


Ever. :)


Check it out here.

What else have I been up to?


Well....I got kind of involved in a little Petition to New York Times that has turned into kind of a big deal as in less than 5 days we've garnered almost 80% of our initial goal from supporters and comments from around the world. 

You can check it out and read the petition and the comments here. 


Some of the comments...wow. Just wow. 

Check it out at the link above and if this is an issue you can get on board with, leave your signature there then...


Join us at the new Community Group for this Petition to the NYT by clicking here. This will be sort of like our Ground Zero as we continue to keep folks informed and involved in this groundbreaking endeavor.


What else?


Every day there are some great conversations going on at the Empowering Solutions Community page at Facebook. Every day I post and share on a variety of issues and topics faced by SRBT (survivors of really bad things:)) 

Drop by and give us a "like" so you can recieve the daily notes on your own FB wall:)

Any more?


Well, I did recently set up a twitter account for just the ES stuff....


You can follow me on twitter by going here: www.twitter.com/susan_ks


And?


I finally mastered the technology to put an email sign up form here on A Journey! 


Now - if you are interested for me to send you STUFF...:)

All you have to do is drop your email in the box up top that says...

SEND ME STUFF! 


(This is different than your reading subscription, k? :))


I'm pretty sure theres something else....


Oh yeah!


I got overambitious and thought about expanding ES to 4 times a month...

(and actually announced that I was doing this not-so-well-thought-out-thing :-/


doh!


and then had some (very wise:)) second thoughts....


Empowering Solutions on BTR will maintain at twice monthly...


the 1st and 3rd Thursdays


at 2pm EST (USA)....


for now anyway:)


Coming up in August!

August 4th - Christina Enveldson, Founder of www.overcomingsexualabuse.com 

August 18th - Breaking Free from Broken with Darlene Ouimet of www.emergingfrombroken.com

Ok then. 

Guess I have been a little busy:)

I think I'll take a break and see what comes up next:) 

Thanks for sharing the journey!

Susan_Ks:)

The past no longer has to steal our todays and destroy our tomorrows:) If you are looking for information and resources to learn how to learn to live beyond broken....

Welcome. Thats what we do. :) 

Sharing the light, the hope and the journey:)

Stay tuned!

Why Do I Have an Interest in This Survey?

Last week it was  brought to my attention that there is an unofficial survey going on and I thought it interesting enough to share with you. This appears to be an essay format where you can write as much - or as little - as you are comfortable with. 


You can view and respond here if you are interested in participating.



Why do I have an interest in this particular survey?

Because I was a victim to the misnomer that child abuse is a disease - or at least the effects of it are.

I've read and followed the work of Colin Ross and Sidran in my journey out of the traditional mental health system that deemed me to be "disordered" and "ill" as well as others work around trauma.

But ultimately it was when I found my own power to heal myself that I found freedom from the lies that told me I was defective, less than and somehow different and unworthy of being considered a whole and capable human being. *

If you'd like to read more of my personal journey into, through and out of America's mental health system you can go here or here to listen to how I began to find my way OUT of the despair that plagued me from first the original abuse and trauma of my childhood then the second trauma where my life was forever changed by being labeled with a "mental illness" that stole my hope instead of being heard as a survivor and allowed to - or even being guided to - heal from the inside out.

I'm thankful the mental health system is starting to look at "symptoms" as learned coping mechanisms instead of a genetic illness. Check out the trauma center that is the brainchild of Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk.

For more info on overcoming what many of us learned to accept as "genetic" or "ingrained" and permanent check out Darlene Ouimets blog Emerging From Broken where Darlene shares how she believed and lived in chronic depression and disociation - until she discovered she could break through the lies that kept her bound to the past. EFB is about recognizing and breaking through ALL forms of oppression and abuse and recognizing the lies that kept us in that place of broken.

If your background is sexual abuse, men and women around the world are finding Christina Enevoldsen & Bethany Ruck's blog Overcoming Sexual Abuse a vibrant and safe community.

Anyway - the archives here at A Journey contains bits and pieces of my journey and the abuse I escaped when I escaped "diagnosis" so you are invited to poke around there as well as visit the Resources page to begin to map out your own journey.

Ok, well then - back to the survey. :)

You can view and respond here if you are interested in participating.

The focus of this survey is described as follows:

This is an unscientific, information gathering survey about Comorbidity in mental health treatment and services.

I am a therapeutic practitioner who is interested in your experience with comorbidity. Please share your thoughts with me, if you wish.

Definitions for comorbidity include:

• A condition in which a patient meets the criteria for more than one DSM-IV Axis I disorder.
• The presence of one or more disorders (diseases) in addition to a primary disease or disorder

My disclaimer: Please use your own best judgement in participating in any online survey.

And remember...

Breaking through the fog and pain of the past begins with believing it is even possible to do so. 

The purpose of this blog then...

Click here to look at the survey.

*I do not advocate against mental health providers or therapy. I DO advocate to learn and understand what mental health abuse looks like. While my experience in the mental health system was far from helpful I do realize there are helpful, empathic and nurturing therapists and counselors out there and god bless you if you were fortunate enough to have found one. I did too - but only after 15 years of experiencing the crippling effects of poly pharmacy and the weekly company of therapists who enjoyed Medicaids residual income stream who sat silently while I ruminated over the sad state of my life. 


It should no longer be considered "normal" to have to seek for years for helpful therapy and experience the abuse of mental health service providers who are working out their own life issues through their clients. The imbalance of power and control in these dysfunctional relationships make abuse survivors a prime target to be manipulated and blamed for ineffective "therapies" and "treatments".

Photo Credit

Seek Knowledge, Find Wisdom, Live Your Truth!