Finding purpose in my passion

We all have a gift

That is ours to share

To ease the journey

From here to there....

When I stopped seeking my purpose in the things I did and do...

I found my purpose was to share the journey with you.

May today you see your gift in the journey....

Is the journey.

Oftentimes I would find myself wondering what it was that I was supposed to do with my life. 

And a fellow traveler shared with me that by following my own path....

I would find my purpose.

That my life would define itself as I learned to define my "self". 

That my "doing" would emerge from my "being".

That my purpose would be found as I found healing from my pain.

Follow your passion to find your purpose.

It will look different that my path.


It will be your own.


It will become almost magical...


As "coincidences" happen....


As circumstances just seem to "fall into place".


It will be the thing we dreamed of....


But it may not "look" like what we'd imagined.


So listen...


To your passion...


Because this....


Is often your purpose. 


Then - let go of trying to shape it...


And simply let it happen. 


When its "hard"?


Simply step back and see what "feels" right. 


Which path holds the light?


Learning to let go of the past...is often the beginning of finding the thing we can hold onto for our future.

Always believing in you:)

Susan


The journey is always a journey that changes and grows over time we never "arrive" but we are always present, growing, changing and evolving:) 


Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

 

 Go here www.empoweringsolutionsnow.com to register for Project 360 to get more empowering solutions in your inbox and be on the list to receive my gift to you, my first ebook: Empowering Solutions: From the Beginning.

About my passion

photo credits

Good Day/Bad Day

Along the way I discovered that the idea of a "bad" day....wasn't so helpful or supportive of the life I wanted for myself soooo..............

To start having "good days"? 

I had to learn to consciously choose to shift my mind from "crap. Another day."...

To..."Damn! Another amazing day!".

Key words:

conscious = aware on purpose

choose = making the decision to be conscious of the day I was creating for myself and taking action to shift my mindset from one perspective (life sucks) to another (life rocks!). On purpose.

Simples steps for real change. :)

Did I succeed all the time every day?

Not at first.

In the beginning I had more "off" days than "on" days but again ...

By choosing to return to the idea of what I wanted in time I found I had created a life that I wanted.

True story:)

This really isn't the rocket science I'd thought it was.

It came down to choice...

First learning that I had a choice then....

Making the choice to choose.

Yup.

It really is that simple although....

Its not always that easy.

This again....

Is the "hard work" of learning to no longer be that perpetual victim of life but to become the creator of my best life.

I'm right there with you....:)

You can do this....

The hardest part was the first time I tried to make this mindshift from...

"WTF"

to

"What a life!".

Some tips?

Write this on a sticky note, note cards....put them in your books, stick it to your mirror...make a ring tone for your phone...journal in your notebook each morning....

repeat out loud many times each day....

My life is amazing! 

Then engage with the process by purposing to think it, do it, say it and fake it till you make it....

And trust that the process will work for you too.

Heres the kicker....

We can choose to engage - or not.

And by making no choice - we've chosen.

This is not a passive process.

By choosing to engage you are choosing to create change that can, over time, change your life. 

You are amazing:)

We begin by beginning here; right where we are.

You're a rock star and I'm thrilled to be your groupee:)

Always, always!

Susan:)



Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

 

www.myempoweringsolutions.com

Getting A Life, Finding Your Hope: Mental "Wellness"

What is it that you want your life to look like?

Let's play a game...you know, gettin' silly wi it for awhile. :) (are ya feelin' the Will Smith thing I've got goin' on?! :)

We've spent a whole month looking at and reading lots of stuff about "mental health", "mental illness". After all - May is "Mental Health Awareness Month" you know. :)

Let's change that.

Let's take a look at finding "Mental Wellness" and lose the conversation about all the other stuff for a minute. Let's just focus on finding "wellness", what say?

So lets toss down the the 'tude...peel back the protective shell, shake off the stress, blow out the anger...

and imagine............

Life is good. I can close my eyes and in my minds eye as I turn my face upward toward the sky, I'm outside in the warm spring air, standing at the top of a green knoll. I feel the warm breeze brushing gently across my skin. My cheeks are warmed by the sun, I feel my hair being tousled by the wind. My arms want to reach up to the sky and I stretch, stretch....further. My toes wrap around the the grass that is so green I can smell it's clean, fresh scent...

And I am good. I'm at peace, I feel joy that wells up within my being and feels as though it might burst from my chest. In my minds eye I'm running, free, childlike and happy; thrilled at this simple moment that is my entire life.

I'm embracing my "now", living my life...

Instead of wishing I could "get a life" as I did for such a long, long time.

This is the dream that kept me going over those years where I was lost in that dark place. This dream was buried beneath a lot of stuff, issues, pain.

But as I reached deep within myself and began to peel back the layers, one by one, I was able to grieve the losses, the hurt, the pain. To let go of the rage at the injustice of what I had survived - without justice no less. To release and no longer relive the life experiences that made me who I had been - a person doing the best I could with what I had to offer the world....

And I heard someone tell me that the only way out, was through...

That I could learn to do better, be better...

Be whole.

There were no short cuts, no doctor, pill or therapist that could magically make me "better", stop the panic, the nightmares, the flashbacks that I would shut out by dissociation as the drugs and alcohol had lost its luster long ago.

Depression, dysthymia, mania, psychosis, paranoia, racing thoughts, isolation, rocky and abusive relationships - this was the life I'd been living and told was my "lot" in life. There was no way to fix whatever was "disordered" in my life or to turn it around and make me - my life - ordered.

I heard for the first time that I had the power to learn to change these things that had made my life the hell I had survived all these years in that mind numbing state that I called the "land of the living dead".

And I was pissed.

Pissed off at the world, that I'd never even been close to creating the fantasy life I'd lived in my head all those years. At the providers I'd gone to for "help" and who told me that there was no solution, no "cure", that this was to be my life forever - that I needed their help, their "treatments" to survive, but that I would never thrive or grow beyond what I was.

Broken.

And I took that anger and directed it, with purpose, into becoming my own best resource. I drew my own map, discovered my own learning process and set off on the most amazing journey of my life. I did this with purpose and intent; with awareness and finding the insight that would set me free...

And found my way here.

To the life that I choose...every day.

Q: What is your dream? What do you want your life to look like? Close your eyes for a moment and reach back to that place that you loved - or create a new one if you lost or haven't had your own dream before. What does it look like? What do you feel? Freedom? The sound of the ocean? The heat of the desert?

Where do you find your hope?

Where do you find your own empowering solutions?

I see hope

I wanted to write a happy post. To maybe talk about all the ways I've noticed again just how far I've come in this journey of self discovery; of finding my way.

But I can't right now. Instead I'm feeling angry at the injustice of this thing called PTSD and how it has not been handled.

You see, I've been reading about the struggles of the Military Vets and their families. The emotional pain, the nightmares. The suicide rates among vets.

For a long time I couldn't do that. Reading about others pain, I mean. It was all I could do to face my own so it was overwhelming to read of others journeys through this nightmare.

And what I see is again just how similar the experience of the Post Trauma Stress response is. And how varied our experiences can be that bring us to this place where the nightmares are different nightmares but the pain is as deep for each of us as the Grand Canyon is deep and wide.

While our stories are different; the soldiers coming home, the children raped, the accident in which all was lost but perhaps one life...

The results are common. The nightmares, the flashbacks, that feeling of crazy, the isolation from the world that doesn't understand, being on edge, not wanting to die but not knowing how to live beyond this...and the list that we all know goes on and on.

And this gives me hope.

Hope that as we speak up and find our voice, tell our stories, share our success - the secret shame of living with the PTS response will no longer be. That as we work and walk together our shared experiences and voices will be the catalyst for change.

And that all will be well.

So I guess in the end while I didn't write a happy post today, I wrote a reality post and one filled with that broad range of emotions that makes me feel alive and motivates me to find purpose and meaning from my life experiences.

And in the end...I see hope for us all.

In this moment...

In the blog Parasites of the mind Michele Rosenthal discusses the idea that we can begin to tap our own inner resources and find our own inner hero as we heal from PTSD. For me finding the inner strength to finally say "enough" to living in the past came in a moment of clarity while reading a book by Eckhart Tolle...


In his book A New Earth; Awakening to your lifes purpose Echkart Tolle discusses how this moment is your life. For some reason I found that to be the most amazing idea. All this time I was wanting to find a cure, a fix, that would allow me to move on and "get a life". Yet in one moment of awareness, I understood that I had everything I needed to "fix" myself within myself.

My life had been consumed with trying to avoid the intrusive thoughts and anything that might trigger them. I was mesmerized by the racing thoughts in my head and an internal sense of victimization to such a degree that I had lost sight of the moment...the moments that I had lost because I was "stuck" in time as I relived the trauma situations of my life, thinking about what had happened, imagining things I could have done or said differently to have prevented the situation, the mistakes I had made that had perhaps compounded the situation and left me feeling guilty or responsible for the situation or how others had been affected.

These racing thoughts consumed my attention during the day and intruded into my dreams at night. This state of mind kept me in a constant state of hyper vigilance - just waiting for something to happen, ready to move into the adrenalin rush of the "fight or flight" response of my body and mind.

But in the midst of all that, after years of therapy, medications and self destructive behaviors I had that moment of clarity - that I could change my life simply by changing my mind.

That meant that I had to be willing to learn how to not avoid the memories, but to embrace them, feel the feelings, grieve the loss, acknowledge the anger - I had to realize that I was now in a safe place and in total control of my mind, body and soul. Like Michele says in her blog about constructing a post trauma identity I had to recreate myself; I had the opportunity to choose what kind of person I wanted to be today, what life I wanted to live in this moment.

As a result, I have been able to gradually, in my own time and my own way, move from the black and white thinking of a victim to being able to allow the idea that maybe life is not "all good" or "all bad"...and let some color in. Eventually I was finally able to see that life was full of color like that found in a swatch of colorful plaid fabric.

I hope you are able to find the path that will allow you to live life in full color too.

Seize the moment!

In a War -- a poem

In a War

by Susan 2009

You/I am/are in a war. Who will rule MY world? Each day - hour minute I we fight a new battle not in the world around us but in our minds. This is where the war will be won - or lost. Or the white flag thrown in.

Whatever your world looks like -whatever your label that you claim -own -take on whatever role you accept - whatever world you have chosen for yourself – this will determine if the battle is won…and you can now live in peace monitoring those outlying thoughts that can and will try to creep in to weaken your defenses, to plant the infiltrators ready to become insurgents at the right moment that moment of weakness when you are not prepared when you have rested on your laurels and said "I have won - there is no need to be on guard".

...for the first minor attack will not break your defenses or even cause you notice - but like the rain pelts the new paint on your home after a year - or two or twenty - your armor wears thin and cannot withstand when finally the enemy sees you are weak and the thoughts again overtake your days…and your nights.

No longer is it an occasional obsessive or depressive thought but now the floodgates are open and perhaps it is in this time that our defenses fail us… and we flounder.

Some of us won't survive this final battle for our soul...our being no longer can sit with the things of the past or the lost hopes of the future. Our minds become re-consumed with the ways of what is dead. Some die here in this battle. Some become wounded permanently a return to life in whatever it was before…or even worse. A few of us stumble and limp our way back saying boy that was close the battle we raged against the onslaught...ha! We got them!

A fewer of us slowly realize that it was not the world around us that had changed or even attacked us as it will - but it was our own self losing touch with the core values of our journey and our new chosen role in it to accept and let others to live of their own means and ways and to take care of the one thing I could manage and manage well - my own thoughts and actions.

Perhaps it was the sneaking nag of a voice that complained about the neighbors or the Bag boy at checkout at the market. Perhaps it was that voice of a childhood entertaining how it was my fault as that child believed in the magic of childhood. Or the bemoaning of the new shoes we couldn't buy because we wanted to or the meal and movie out - the old car we wanted to trade in.

Bottom line is - when we begin to accept those moanings and lose sight of being happy in this very moment - the only life that we have - we unwittingly opened the door to the Trojan horse to bring the battles to the war - we have given the front to the enemy and may not come out alive this time.

So. To be on guard. To protect your thoughts as though they were the fortress that held the thing dearest to you. This; this is the purpose for which we stand today. For this is the thing that can steal your today’s and murder your tomorrows as quickly as you can say …..”think”.

Protect your mind, guard your thoughts. Refuse to entertain the enemy or allow it, any ground. For you, I, we – are in a war and together we can stand facing the world as it is. Knowing the power to protect ourselves lies in the deepest trenches of our soul.

12 Things to support you in your journey - Part 3 ((conclusion))

Photo by Sergey Chuprin on Unsplash

Today we'll tie up this series...for those of you who are just joining us, you can read up on Part 1 here and Part 2 here of "12 Things....".

Today - the conclusion of my first "list series " 12 Things to Support you in your Journey"...and again -please forgive the formatting:)...

1. 9. Separating myself from “diagnosis”. I’ve written quite a bit on this but wanted to mention it because this was vital for me to begin to see myself as a “person” who had some “issues” and that I could “learn” how to affect change in my life. “Diagnosis” is static, unmoving. “Issues” can be dealt with. Here's a link to my posts that contain "diagnosis" or you can search for yourself at the top left corner to see what else you can find.
2. 10. Recognize this is a process, not a destination. This is a process of "self discovery", not another avenue that affords a promised "fix" or "recovery" that requires constant monitoring and focus on avoiding triggers and managing compulsions. Be committed and trust the process and you will be amazed at the payoff. Think “learning opportunity” vs. failure.
3. 11. Commit to being a lifelong learner. I had to let go of the idea of being "fixed" as in "broken" and begin to see myself as a living, breathing organism that is constantly growing, repairing, changing to adapt to my environment - and with the gift of intelligence that could take me anywhere I could imagine... if I would just "imagine". There is no more viewing myself as broken, defective or "ill". I no longer think “oh, after I read this book I’ll be “fixed” and “done”. Nope. I had to commit to being just as committed about learning to live in “wellness” as I was about learning to live as whatever the “diagnosis du jour” was.
4. 12. Giving up is no longer an option. My mantra became “Giving up is no longer an option; there is ALWAYS a solution". "Acting out" and "acting in" had to at some point become inaccessible as a solution and once I understood the purpose those behaviors served I was better equipped to begin to entertain the idea that I could - here's that "magic" word again - LEARN new ways of dealing with life's issues other than falling apart or sinking into depression (or dissociation) that consumed me. Over time, one by one, I learned to recognize my “avoidant” behaviors and identify new ways of managing my thoughts, emotions, behaviors - and identifying the faulty beliefs I held in order to cultivate a new belief system...A belief system based on the idea that I truly held the power to create this new life for myself and this is where the hope began to take shape when I took the action to live the life I chose for myself based on "wellness".

**

Thanks for joining me here this past week as I offered my very first "list" post of some of the "how to's" behind my own personal journey from "there"....to "here" where I learned to create the life I wanted - in spite of the past I'd had.

IfIyou found value in this post or series - please forward the links to others who may be interested to follow along as we travel this path together discovering the wonderful world of living that self empowered life and creating our best life each day...

Truth and Dare

This new life is amazing! I'm so awesomely excited to be making new friends online! And the great people I've met here where I live and work...my life is growing and changing every day! How great is that!

But - the truth is...this is waaaayyyyyy different than the life I grew accustomed to when I struggled each day in an existence where social isolation was my best friend and anxiety ruled my life.

So - this feels scary sometimes to be putting myself out there and with purpose, intention and consciously choosing to make myself *ugh* *gulp*....vulnerable.

"What if no-one reads what I wrote?" Or worse...what if they read it and don't like it?"

What if she doesn't call me back?

What if I bomb at this new job?

"What if....." and you can choose just about any "what if" scenario and I could probably relate to it.

So - "what if"?

Well..."so what"?

You see, I decided some time ago that I wasn't going to live in that state of fear and powerlessness any more. I was going to learn how to live beyond what I was told that was possible.

But that decision doesn't suddenly "fix" the baggage I brought with me from my past, it didn't "cure" my social anxieties or turn me into a social butterfly or charismatic debutante.

It didn't "fix" my distorted sense of self, the paranoid thoughts, the low self esteem or lack of self worth, the fear of abandonment. It didn't stop the racing thoughts, the nightmares or make me immune to "triggers" that could send me into an emotional meltdown or explosive rage if I didn't get the right feedback from a situation. It didn't make me not want to drink and it couldn't teach me how to not "zone out".

I didn't turn into Susie Sunshine overnight, the the negative thoughts and black and white thinking that kept me prisoner to a chronic state of upset and distress didn't just "disappear".

I've had to work at it. Every day.

Each day I "Dare" myself to keep going, to keep growing, learning...changing. To keep putting one foot in front of the other. To not give up...to never, never give up - to remember that "giving up is no longer an option" because...

There is always a solution.

And sometimes that solution is to just do a "Nike" and get on with things and sometimes it's to have a sit down and give it a good cry. Other days its cranking up the music and feeling, really feeling the anger and rage at the injustices that I have survived, the losses I have faced. Maybe even give a shout and vent some of that rage for a moment and shake my fist at the universe for having been shortchanged....

...and sometimes it's turning on the tunes and dancing, feeling the joy of this new life well up inside of me and fill every single molecule of my being, it's staring at the night sky or closing my eyes to feel the warm afternoon breeze brush over my face.

But mostly it's learning new ways of thinking and "being". It's making a conscious choice every day to practice using all the tools and resources available to me to walk this part of my journey. It's being willing to take responsibility for my new life - or lack of it.

And in the end - it's letting go of the life that I should have had where I didn't have to face or deal with the demons that have tormented me....

It's letting go of believing that I have all the answers and can make life give me what I deserve if I can only work hard enough, try long enough and be "good enough".

And then it's accepting what is and that I don't get that "do over"...

...that today is what it is and what I make of it is what I will get in my tomorrow.

And in the end...in time it gets easier to live this new life and it is knowing, just knowing that no matter what message I got from my past, no matter what I have survived or conquered, that today I am in charge and today I can choose to live in my truth - even when I have to dare myself to do it.

Q: How do you go about creating conscious change in your life?

It is the struggle that gives value to life...Jawaharlal Nehru

"The distant mountains seem easy of access and climbing, the top beckons, but, as one approaches, difficulties appear, and the higher one goes the more laborious becomes the journey and the summit recedes into the clouds. Yet the climbing is worth the effort and has its own joy and satisfaction. Perhaps it is the struggle that gives value to life. . . ." from "It Is the Struggle that Qives Value to Life" JAWAHARLAL NEHRU

In recent days I have again been reminded that "the only way out is thru" when it comes to dealing with the residual effects of trauma. Odd enough I stumbled across this true story - history - of a man Nawaharlal Nehru - who lived in a time of great turmoil; you can read the text of this story here.

At first, I was caught by the title of this piece, "It is the struggle that gives value to life" - then I took a few minutes to read the 17 pages. In the context of not giving up the battle to find and make meaning in this journey of healing I found some very touching comparisons in this story to that of this hellashish path that I have been on. I am once again reminded that 1. the only way out is through and 2. I am the only one who can place value on and make meaning of this journey and 3. attitude is everything.

Like I have mentioned in a previous post, it would be wonderful if there was someone who could "rescue" or "fix" me; to take away the pain, the feelings of inadequacy and badness that I got from my (not healthy) family as I was growing up. But there is no "magic pill", no doctor, hospital or therapist that can "fix" me. In order for me to be better, I have to do the hard work. That means that I learn to be aware of my avoidence and coping techniques that at one time protected me and kept me alive but now interfere with my ability to live a full life. That means I have to let down my defenses, be vulnerable to myself and others. To finally, abeit gingerly at times, feel the feelings.

Part of this healing process is being able to move past the grief, anger and rage at the abuses I survived and allowing myself to move into that place where I can begin to thrive and find wholeness. Refusing to live life as a "victim" puts me back in the drivers seat and allows me to move beyond simply surviving and trying to get through each day. Here I am able to say "I have value". I can create meaning and purpose where before was none.

As Michele talk about in her interview with Dr. Alex Pattakos, attitude is everything. If I believe I am destined to live a life ensnared by the thoughts that I will never get better, then my chances of getting better are slim. On the other hand, for the past almost 20+years I hung onto the belief that giving up was not an option, there is always a solution; and while not every day is a rose garden, I sure do appreciate the ones that are close and try to learn from the ones that arent.

So while I am not thrilled that this is the path of my life - to deal with the afteraffects of surviving a lifetime of abuse , I am determined that my life have meaning and value - and I am the only one who can put the price tag on it.

Urgent: Call for support for Alison Hymes

I don't often veer far from the core purpose of this blog but situations as what I describe in this post justifies an exception....


Please consider going to this web site to read the complete petition for Allison, sign it then share it amongst your own network and communities. 

Friends of Alison Hymes Demand Investigation

Alison Hymes trusted her psychiatrist and followed their directions for years. She also suffered kidney failure because of this treatment protocol. In 2008 Alison had a kidney transplant due to this iatrogenic induced kidney failure. Alison was prescribed steroid in connection to this transplant. And - in spite of living free of psychiatric issues for many years and being a valuable and contributing member of her community, in 2009 she was forced back into the mental health system.

As anyone who has taken steroids knows, they can cause some nasty side effects and as often happens with those who have been labeled with psychiatric diagnosis, these drug induced side effects are often overlooked and attributed to this label.

Following is an excerpt from this online petition:

Alison Hymes of Charlottesville, Virginia, suffered from iatrogenic kidney disease due to psychiatric malpractice and misdiagnosis more than a decade ago. Alison underwent a kidney transplant in October 2008 to save her life from the iatrogenic kidney failure. As a former therapist and a user of psychiatry, Alison dedicated her time and her life to mental health advocacy and the rights of users and survivors of psychiatry and the mental health system. She served as President of the Mental Health Planning Council in her area for several years, remaining an active advocate even while dealing with such very critical personal health issues. 

Alison was thrown back into the psych system at UVA hospital by commitment in 2009 when she had a reaction to the steroids prescribed for the kidney transplant. This reaction was also due to a pattern of neglect by her outpatient psychiatrist who did not adequately follow up with the transplant team when Alison began to report negative psychological effects from the steroid drugs. She eventually went into a steroid-induced crisis. 

Instead of addressing her mental status as a steroid reaction, it was inappropriately diagnosed and treated as a "bipolar episode", and she was committed to UVA hospital and prescribed psychiatric drugs that nearly caused the loss of her transplanted kidney and underwent a procedure that almost destroyed her bladder. She was totally re-traumatized, and has been threatened with commitments and coerced into taking psychiatric drugs that are severely impacting her functioning and health in numerous ways.


There is nothing that any person can do that can justify forced psychiatric interventions - especially when there are other alternatives available.


Regardless of your personal stance on psychiatry or psychotropic drugs, Allison deserves to have her human rights protected and her civil right to choose and direct her own health care honored. 


Until you have been subject to this kind of treatment you cannot understand how traumatizing this can be. Please consider signing then sharing this petition by following this link.

Read more on Steroid Induced Psychosis or just google it yourself.

For more information on Iatrogenic PTSD and links to the full article by Dr. Charles Whitfield see this article: Psychiatric Drugs as Agents of Trauma


Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Changing My View Changed My World

Understanding that my outside world was a reflection of my inside world empowered me to begin to see how by changing my inside world that I could change my outside world.

I used to wonder how I was supposed to handle all the crap life threw at me.

Abuse and neglect from an early age left a very bad taste in my mouth about life in general. 

When others would look at the world and see sunshine and lollipops all I saw was 

shit. 

Life was dark. I was dark. I didn't give a damn and believed that no one gave a damn about me.

Until

I discovered and came to understand that the purpose of my journey was not to make my life, my circumstance and the people who shared my space 

perfect.

Not at all.

In fact what I discovered is that there is no such thing as perfect and that as long as I was trying to be perfect

I was being far from perfect.

It was when I realized that my job was not to shape my circumstances to make me feel ok

but to learn to accept my circumstances and then

I would be

ok.

My circumstances may not change but the way I experience them can change me. 

My world changed when I changed my view of the world

and the story I told myself about it.

Listen or download Empowering Solutions on Blog Talk Radio: "story" or "Story"; From Rumination To Resolution by clicking here. 

From the Archives:

The original post "story" or "Story" and Natasha Bedingfield "You are Unwritten"

I Held the Key To My Freedom

Photo Credit

Friday Follow Ups and Back to Basics!

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Today I wanted to get back to basics...in my Blogging, my advocacy, my writing, my purpose and my passion.

Wha a?

The past couple of weeks my time and attention has been split....pretty thin.

Here's a few things I've been contributing to and working on....

Last week I was Guest Blogger at Emerging From Broken where...


I shared parts of my story in more depth and detail than I ever have in the past. Ever. Anywhere. 

Whats it about?

Learning to identify how I finally came to understand what it meant and means to have my "self" suffocated and my body and being used as an object to serve others.

And - how in this process I also discovered the path to freedom and made that shift from coping, managing and surviving to...


Living.


My best life. 


Ever. :)


Check it out here.

What else have I been up to?


Well....I got kind of involved in a little Petition to New York Times that has turned into kind of a big deal as in less than 5 days we've garnered almost 80% of our initial goal from supporters and comments from around the world. 

You can check it out and read the petition and the comments here. 


Some of the comments...wow. Just wow. 

Check it out at the link above and if this is an issue you can get on board with, leave your signature there then...


Join us at the new Community Group for this Petition to the NYT by clicking here. This will be sort of like our Ground Zero as we continue to keep folks informed and involved in this groundbreaking endeavor.


What else?


Every day there are some great conversations going on at the Empowering Solutions Community page at Facebook. Every day I post and share on a variety of issues and topics faced by SRBT (survivors of really bad things:)) 

Drop by and give us a "like" so you can recieve the daily notes on your own FB wall:)

Any more?


Well, I did recently set up a twitter account for just the ES stuff....


You can follow me on twitter by going here: www.twitter.com/susan_ks


And?


I finally mastered the technology to put an email sign up form here on A Journey! 


Now - if you are interested for me to send you STUFF...:)

All you have to do is drop your email in the box up top that says...

SEND ME STUFF! 


(This is different than your reading subscription, k? :))


I'm pretty sure theres something else....


Oh yeah!


I got overambitious and thought about expanding ES to 4 times a month...

(and actually announced that I was doing this not-so-well-thought-out-thing :-/


doh!


and then had some (very wise:)) second thoughts....


Empowering Solutions on BTR will maintain at twice monthly...


the 1st and 3rd Thursdays


at 2pm EST (USA)....


for now anyway:)


Coming up in August!

August 4th - Christina Enveldson, Founder of www.overcomingsexualabuse.com 

August 18th - Breaking Free from Broken with Darlene Ouimet of www.emergingfrombroken.com

Ok then. 

Guess I have been a little busy:)

I think I'll take a break and see what comes up next:) 

Thanks for sharing the journey!

Susan_Ks:)

The past no longer has to steal our todays and destroy our tomorrows:) If you are looking for information and resources to learn how to learn to live beyond broken....

Welcome. Thats what we do. :) 

Sharing the light, the hope and the journey:)

Stay tuned!

Inspiration.....Return To Innocence

A friend and member of the Empowering Solutions Community on Facebook shared this with me today....and I wanted to share it with you.




Love (Love, Love)
Devotion (Devotion, Devotion)
Feeling (Feeling. Feeling)
Emotion (Emotion, Emotion)

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence 
~

It is never too late...


to create your best life. 


Return to you to find your light...


Follow your passion


To discover your purpose...


And there is where we can make sense of that which makes no sense.


With love,


SusanKs


Lyrics from sing365

I Found My Freedom When I Found My Power (Interdependence v.s. Dependence)

As things would have it - it is perhaps not quite time to retire this blog. I'm still not sure about the direction I'm going but I do know that my Journey is not over. 

Therefore, todays post....

For a very long time I firmly believed that my "moods" were a "disorder". 

I had been led to believe that the reason I struggled in life and relationships was not because of the pattern of trauma and abuse in my life but because there was something wrong with my brain.

What I discovered was that while this particular paradigm is the only one that we hear about most often in the context of "mental health"...

It is not the only way to view the life issues that left us feeling unprepared to deal with life on life's terms.

In fact - after fifteen years of believing this and that I would never get "better"....

I found my freedom when I found my power.

This brings me to this...

In a recent post (elsewhere) I responded to an article where the focus was on "managing" "symptoms" of "disorders" like depression, anxiety etc via human connection. 

This essay went on to say that this person was falling back into their anxiety and depression because on the weekends they did not have the structure they do during the week. The thing that "saved" them from falling into their dark hole was a friend who called to invite them to do something. 

The response was "you just gave me a reason to get out of bed". 

And - yes. 

We DO need human connection and love in our lives.

Yet - when we need others to "give us a reason to get out of bed" we are in fact being "dependent" vs "independent". 

And the idea that one must "live with" and "manage" "symptoms"....

Well - I see this as part of the issue with being dependent on others to do something in order for us to feel better. 

Healthy "interdependent" relationships do not depend on others to do for us that which we can and should be doing for ourselves.

If we are struggling with "symptoms" we can learn how to meet our own needs vs waiting for someone to rescue us. 

If there is "disorder" - we can create "order" - and that began for me in realizing that waiting for someone to "give me a reason to live/get out of bed/go to school etc....

Was giving my power away. 

The "Empowering Solutions" project is about us learning to take control of changing our lives v.s. needing others or circumstances to change in order for our lives to change. 

If we are feeling hopeless we can find our hope by finding our power.

Tip: if you are feeling like you are falling into that dark place - try calling a friend to go do something instead of waiting for them to call you. If that friend is not available - call another. If that friend is not available just go for a walk or a bike ride and purpose to smile and say hello to everyone you pass. Make that human connection you are craving instead of waiting for someone to connect with you. 

We can own the power we have to create the life we want instead of living a life we tolerate. 

Is it easy? 

No.

Is it worth it?

Hell yes. 

Related: Defeating Depression 

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™

Ambivalence As A Survival Skill

I like looking for solutions.

But - part of looking for a solution - means that a problem has to be identified.

This past week over at Emerging From Broken Christina Enevoldsen, founder of popular website and private forum, Overcoming Sexual Abuse, shared part of her journey at our mutual friend Darlene Ouimets blog, Emerging From Broken, and how she learned to identify the dysfunctional family relationships that had shaped both her sense of self and the way she viewed and interacted with the world. 

There's tons of great information in this post (and any other of her posts at her website) but one thing I wanted to point out is how she identified that push/pull that can be so damaging to our relationships as survivors.

Here's an excerpt on this issue of ambivalence in her relationship with her mother; what it looks like and the purpose it serves:


As long as I saw her as all bad, there was nothing to grieve. 


I’d only seen her goodness when I was a child and I was seeing only her badness now.  

I was terrified that if I allowed myself to see her good side, I’d want a relationship with her and I would be exposed to more rejection.

As a child, it was normal to compartmentalize my relationships this way. It was safe; it kept me from more disappointment and pain. 

And it was normal that this would be how I would view ALL of my relationships: through the lense of expectation that others would cause me pain.

It was normal that my adult relationships looked so much like the ones from my childhood and that conflicting feeling of

I love you so much. (I need you to feel safe, to be ok)

and

I hate you, leave me alone, go away. (Usually with a few choice names thrown in:))


It was NORMAL for me to view the world in 


black


and


white.


Because that is how it was in the dysfunction that I came from. 

I was seen as good or bad based on if I'd done whatever I was expected to do and did it right enough or good enough, based on the ever changing rules that were arbitrary at best. And no matter how hard I tried 

it was never 

enough.

I was taught that I was either right enough or good enough based on someone elses determination but for some reason known only to those who modeled this way of engaging with the world as "normal"....I was never

just enough.

Raise a child in the way he should go

and when he is old

he will not depart from it. 

So

the problem was that I was stuck in that dance of seeing my relationships

and myself

through the dark lense of

all bad

or the blinders that let me see it as all good...

aka denial

and nothing in between. 

In this post by Christina over at Emerging From Broken she takes us into the process of how she was able to reconstruct her view from black and white to that place where she was able to see her past, her relationships and her life 

in living color.

~

zebras

polka dots

and plaids:)

You may also like....

The Relationships That Shaped My Life...and What I Learned From Them


Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

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