"story"...or "Story"?

Everyone has a story. 


And it was when I learned how to tell the difference between "story" (little s) and "Story" (big S) that I began to understand the power of 


Story.



"story" I came to view from a writers perspective as "backstory".

"story" lays the groundwork, tells who the players are, give atmosphere and lays a foundation for the ending, like in a novel.

Its the framework for a creative ending.

But - if the entire novel is written only about the "backstory" that lays the framework the last chapter never gets written.

We are stuck in WRITERS HELL....

That file on our hard drive that is never quite finished

and causing us all kinds of irritation

or distress.

It is when we move from laying the groundwork, setting the stage and telling the backstory to telling about the emotion, the experiences and the drama behind our feelings about the 'story", like when we

 step to the edge of the mountain,

that we begin to see how the story might evolve and in time come to a conclusion worthy of a pulitzer...

so to speak:)

Throughout my journey, when I was stuck on "story" that focussed on what others had done or things that had happened TO me - I was stuck in anger, resentment, hatred and rumination...

not resolution.

I was stuck in the pain of the past. 

In time, I learned to recognize this was where I was at by who and what my focus was on. 

If the focus of my story was on the things that had happened; the people, the places, the things going on that I'd had no choice in - well, those were things that I could not change. 


(God, grant me serenity....)


These were those things I was truly powerless over - people and past circumstances.

That was backstory; the details, the players...the who, what, when and where of my bigger "Story" and the framework for the final chapter. 


It was in shifting my Story to be about me, my anger at being violated, my power and my choice taken from me, to feel both the anger and the grief, to tell why this was important to me that I was able to move myself into, through and out of the healing process and

give meaning to the backstory by telling MY story.

Getting entangled in "story" made it impossible to tell my "Story" and write that new ending where I am

no longer 

a victim

and much more

than a survivor

where I am

creating and living my best life

each day....


in spite of the past I'd had.



See the post: It is Unwritten....(today is where your book begins:))



 Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

More about "story"....

About "sharing our story" to heal emotionally and psychologically ....

First - realize that not everyone can do this; those who cannot sit with their own pain will not be able to sit with ours.

A second thing to understand is that it is up to us to "work through" our past pain; this is not something that another can do "for" us or even "with" us. 

And finally - know that by telling our story over and over to everyone and anyone who will listen is often not helpful. Our pain is ours to "work through"; it not fair to others to make our relationships about only our pain. 

Then seek out a friend who will not get in your pity party with you by focusing on who did what and what a jerk he/she was to have hurt/violated/wounded you. 

Rather, seek a friend who will allow you to tell your story until you are done telling your story.

...someone who can empathize and express how the telling of this story affects them...someone who can verbalize and validate your feelings rather than focusing on the "asshole" who did this to you. 

Not "fixing", not dismissing, not enabling the story to go and on without resolution. 

But someone who can be that soft place to fall when you need someone to "support" you emotionally and then celebrate your freedom with you. :)

You have so got this; I know its hard....you can do it:) 

Susan:) 

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™   

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Whoops! I did it again! Using Creativity...

Whoops! I did it again!

Well - sort of!

Finding creativity after a lifetime of "stuffing" anything about me that expressed my individuality or and sense of “self” has not been the easiest part of this journey (you can see my bio here). But - I have taken some steps to do that through a variety of mediums throughout my journey.

One of the first that I posted online was my storyboard. There are 5 collage cards and the interesting thing is that when I set out to do this activity, I had no plan in mind. Yet - when it was finished, I realized that I had told my story in this series. The first I titled "Disconnected".

The second in this series portrays how I felt in the midst of the worst of this part of my journey. "A Shadow" of who I might have been - but in hindsight...I see that also was only a shadow of all that I could - and will - become.

"Fragmented" is an expression of how I felt I had no defined sense of self; no "me" to speak of. This is during the time when I made the choice to take my journey into my own hands as I stepped to the top of the mountain, my arms open to what may come, trusting the process as I stepped off the edge. I was ready to do the "hard work"...the emotionally wrenching grieving of a life I would never know. Little did I know that this healing process would take me to the life I never knew that I could have.

Grieving...what was...and wasn't is the process that I have followed to find my way out of the legacy of hopeless and helplessness that comes so often with trauma of any kind. It was a time of finding the "how" behind learning to "let go" of all that I could not change in my past or control in my future. It was where I began to find the peace that passed all of my understanding. The joy of living that comes with living in the truth that set me free.

"I Am Free" exhibits the freedom I have found as I have followed this simple although not easy process to claim my right to exist, to breath, to stand tall. And it all began because I believed that I would "find something to stand on...or learn how to fly" ...I am now in flight:).

My post, "Was it worth it?" is where I posted one of my first "self portraits" as I began to use charcoal drawing to begin to learn how to express what I was feeling. I drew this portrait near the beginning of a new leg of my journey as I entered that place of willingness to step out of my shame and begin to claim my world, my life...as my own. This was that place within the process of my storyboard where I learned that it was safe...and I learned how to grieve the past and embrace rather than avoid the pain as my path to freedom from the darkness. This is what the "hard work" looked like for me...Today I cried...and was set free. This drawing is now in a frame on my wall where I am reminded each day of that sacred place where I found - and took - my freedom.

"Haiku" is my journey into poetry. This poem is the simplest and most beautiful description of the healing path that I have followed. Tears...wash the soul free.


I Believed is my version of the wonderful Patrick Overton poem that inspired me to keep moving forward when I thought I could not take one more step or endure one more moment of pain.


I have also done some writing of fiction based on my experiences as well as I have some non fiction things on the stove that are not quite ready to be served just yet:) And today...I wanted to post/share what I did yesterday with my iphone camara and the photo editing software on my mac. Nothing fancy schmancy - but it just goes to show that we all have some sort of creativity within us and it doesn’t have to be museum quality to qualify as “expressive”.

And, for me anyway, my creative expressions will typically connect me to whatever it is that I am focused on at the moment; whether I am consciously aware of it – or not. I can use my creative forms of expression to identify how I am feeling when I do not understand why I am being sullen, sad, irritable or even ecstatically happy. I can use my creative work to indicate and learn to identify an emotion or resolve a triggered situation that I cannot yet name.

So - yes; I guess I "did it again" as the story goes:) I used photo's to live in my now and build a bridge from my past pain to my present awareness and acceptance. 


What's the story behind these pics?

I have my story but you may have one too; what do you see when you look at these photos? What story from your own journey comes to your mind?

This is where your beginning may be. This is the story you might find a way to express today that will be your catalyst to finding your own freedom and creating your own new story.

And while we might hope and wish that doing this once or even twice might be the “end”…oftentimes each story takes us to the next and the next.

So how do I know I am done – or at least making some progress?

When my expression became less of pain and more of joy and peace and acceptance of what is instead of rumination over what never was or what “could” have been. When I could begin to sit with mine or another’s anguish instead of trying to “fix” things that are not broken but need only to be experienced and expressed. When my energy became my own, when I could claim my life power and create with intention my best day each day, even when it’s raining or storming around me. When I could think of the past…yet stay in the present.

It will be the truth that sets you free.

visit my photo album on facebook here...

Writing a New Ending to the Trauma Experience

Background photo credit here

This picture hangs on the wall by my front door. I created it as a part of my healing process to exemplify my experience of what it was like for me to "go through" the pain to "get out of" that dark place of shame and claim my "me-ness" which btw - was the exact place where I discovered that in spite of the past, the traumas, I could begin to create my best life each day. This is where I made the mind-shift to lay claim to one of my tag lines...

"No longer a victim and more than a survivor; creating and living my best life!"

Today let's take a look at part of the insight - those "aha!" moments - that led me down this path...

What's the diff between "story" and "story"?

What I've found along the way is that I would often get stuck in "story"...

the "reliving" of the past where nothing good ever came of the situation.

This is that place where I am literally "stuck" in the anger and injustice at the past.

Where I'm focussed on those people who wronged me

the situations and circumstances where I felt powerless and indeed may have been powerless - like a car accident, an abuse situation, or where I trusted someone and was betrayed.

This is "rumination".

This is where I lived in resentment

and grudges.

My anger was often justified at those things - those people places and things that I had put my trust in and in some way I was injured.

But I have since learned to use this anger to propel me through the healing journey.

How?

By recognizing "anger" as part of the natural human healing process

and

with intention

moving from the anger at the injustice and pain

through the emotional healing process

to reach the grief

the tears

the deep inner wounds

and let go

of the idea of finding justice where there may be none

accepting that I was truly powerless in this situation

that ruminating it over and over will not create a different outcome

or give me power to force justice for my pain

and in letting go of the "anger"

and telling the "story" over and over in my head and to anyone who would listen

I was able to get to my "story"

embrace and integrate the pain of the past

into my today

and allow the end to finally be written

in my tears.

Haiku

Listen in to how I learned to use anger to fuel my healing and find freedom from the pain of the past Empowering Solutions: Letting Go of the Battle

Q: How have you made that shift from "story" to creating the ending, finding closure and creating your best life in spite of past traumas?

A Tale of Two Wolves

Photo Credit

Recently a friend on Facebook (thank you Sara! :)) shared this ancient tale of wisdom and I wanted to share it with you today...

An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth." The boy thought about it, and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."

What we focus on is what we are experiencing in our lives.

What are you focused on today?

Reliving your pain?

Or fueling your future?

It is possible to shift from the telling and retelling of the story...

To using the story to find healing...

And make peace with the past.

From the archives...

"story"? Or "Story"?

And here's the Empowering Solutions radio program on "story" and using it to shift from the pain and prison of rumination to the peace and freedom of resolution. Click here to go there:)

I Held the Keys to My Freedom 

Anger and Acceptance 

Making Peace With the Past

Photo Credit

Changing My View Changed My World

Understanding that my outside world was a reflection of my inside world empowered me to begin to see how by changing my inside world that I could change my outside world.

I used to wonder how I was supposed to handle all the crap life threw at me.

Abuse and neglect from an early age left a very bad taste in my mouth about life in general. 

When others would look at the world and see sunshine and lollipops all I saw was 

shit. 

Life was dark. I was dark. I didn't give a damn and believed that no one gave a damn about me.

Until

I discovered and came to understand that the purpose of my journey was not to make my life, my circumstance and the people who shared my space 

perfect.

Not at all.

In fact what I discovered is that there is no such thing as perfect and that as long as I was trying to be perfect

I was being far from perfect.

It was when I realized that my job was not to shape my circumstances to make me feel ok

but to learn to accept my circumstances and then

I would be

ok.

My circumstances may not change but the way I experience them can change me. 

My world changed when I changed my view of the world

and the story I told myself about it.

Listen or download Empowering Solutions on Blog Talk Radio: "story" or "Story"; From Rumination To Resolution by clicking here. 

From the Archives:

The original post "story" or "Story" and Natasha Bedingfield "You are Unwritten"

I Held the Key To My Freedom

Photo Credit

To stop telling the story...

To stop telling the "story"? 




Meant I would be facing the feelings. 

Meant I would learn to live in acceptance of what "is" and "was" vs trying to create my own version of "what should be".

Meant letting go of the idea that others "could have" or "should have" done something different to make the story have a different ending.

Meant choosing to live in conscious awareness of when I was using "story" to avoid my reality, my "now".

Meant acknowledging that I was powerless and a victim then.

Meant grieving the loss of the life I did not have, do not have, will not have because of the story.

Meant acknowledging that I was no longer powerless and no longer a victim.

Meant finally "getting" what the serenity prayer means...

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

The wisdom to know the difference

Meant that I was no longer sacrificing my todays and tomorrows to those who took my past.



Meant that I was finally free.

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™

 
Thanks for following, reading and sharing :)

This Blog is Not Dead ....

This post will remain as a holding place and thank you note for following A Journey and on twitter - Zebdot :) I have enjoyed your notes, comments and emails over the past years. Please join me at my newest blog Empowering Solutions here as I spread my own wings and live my passion to help others who felt hopeless and powerless to find their hope by finding their power. Thank you for sharing this journey with me and I hope to see you there and perhaps back here one day. Susan

This Blog is not dead - not by a long shot. 

Although - it may seem that it is to the readers and followers who haven't seen me here in some time and that posts have been long in coming - when they do come.

The thing is....

Life changes - and as it does....we need to be ready to change with it or risk getting lost in it. 

This blog began in 2009 when I was still experiencing the early aftermath of being lost in the mental health system that told me my life "issues" were really an "illness". You can read more about that here. If you are interested to read more about the journey I experienced when I came off the drugs that I was told I would need "for life" you can read about how I realized it was the drugs that were causing the "illness" and how my journey to freedom from them started in 2007 here at Beyond Meds. And here you can read about how I found myself on an adventure of making sense of this paradigm of "illness" and how I discovered truths that "set me free".

2009 was a year where I was trying to find my voice - literally. After a lifetime of being told by others that I held no value of my own - only what they gave me - I literally had no "voice"; I was shaking in my boots. I had no sense of "self"; I had no opinions of my own. I was a true "chameleon".

I struggled with knowing who I was, what I wanted, what I liked or disliked. This Blog became part of my journey of self-discovery; along the way I separated myself from those who needed me to be "less" so they could be "more". I made the decision to exist. 

The calendar turned and 2010 rolled around. I had given much to doing the "hard work" of healing myself and my life from an early life of physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse that spanned my entire childhood. I understood the meaning of the poem by Patrick Overton and wrote my own version of it here. The photo on that page tells the story well; I knew I could not NOT move forward - yet that was the only option I had at the time; I could live or die trying.

I was willing to "go through" the pain and struggle in order to "get out of it" in order to get to my "best life". I also realized that there was no one to "blame"and as much as I wanted "justice" I had remind myself that while I was not responsible for what others did to me - I am solely responsible for what I do with what they did to me .  Here I also wrote a blog post about how I learned to find my own courage to do this. I learned a lot about Compassion and learning to let go of the need for justice that I would never get. 

I shared my story publicly for the first time in April of 2010 when Michele Rosenthal of Heal My PTSD invited me to do a radio interview. This in turn led to my own Blog Talk Radio series with Heal My PTSD and then in 2011 my own Blog Talk Radio channel - Empowering Solutions and a Facebook page here. 

The year 2012 continued to be part of this amazing journey. My private Facebook posts had become a community page; people who were in pain and struggling continued to reach out to me as I continued to post all the while wondering just what it was that I had that they found themselves drawn to. And what I kept hearing over and over was "thank you. I have never heard this before", "Your post today hit home with me".

And I realized that it was true - this journey is NOT about "fixing" something that is "broken" but about LEARNING how to do life differently; how to "be" and be separate from those who tell us we don't exist or exist only to serve their purposes, what they give us "permission" for.

 As 2012 came to a close I realized that a lot of what I had written in the past 4 years was about the story we tell ourselves and how in changing the story - we could change our lives.  My posting schedule began to wax and wane. 2012 closed with less than 40 posts - all year and 2013 has left me wondering: "What is it that I am supposed to be doing?". 

So here we are. 

2013 is slowly coming to a close and I do not feel that this is the "end" - but rather the beginning of a new adventure. An adventure that I'd like to invite you to join me on as we continue to explore the bigger world beyond our pain and struggle, finding our hope for a better future for ourselves and our families by finding that, like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ, we had the power all along:

Dorothy: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda, the Good Witch: You don’t need to be helped any longer. You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy: I have?
Scarecrow: Then why didn’t you tell her before?
Glinda, the Good Witch: Because she wouldn’t have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.

I hope you'll join me here at the Facebook Community page. 

2014 is going to be a very good year - for all of us. :)

Namaste, bells, whistles and a little bit of Glinda's glitter.....:)

Susan

Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!™  

There is no one to blame

A sobering thought I was contemplating....

Trauma/drama and dysfunction does not discriminate. There are no particular demographics. This is not a "boy" thing or a "girl" thing. Its not a thing where there is fault or blame although until a generation learns to change the way they view and engage with life we will pass this way of surviving/experiencing life to our children. It is by ending the desire to "blame" that perhaps we will end the perpetuating of the pain. Men blame women. Women blame men. Children blame parents. Parents blame children. When we all stop blaming and start doing our own work to heal our own pain  is perhaps when we will have healed enough to have healed the world. 

In others words...

Be the change.


When we stop blaming and start making others responsible for the things they do and say, establishing healthy boundaries and begin  communicating how their actions affected us instead of shaming and blaming them for how awful our life is today...


That, my friends....

Was a hard change to make.

I wanted revenge.

Justice.

I wanted to make them suffer the way they made me suffer.

The only thing with that?

Is that made me like them.

I know. 

It sucks.

Its hard.

It hurts.

And...

We are more powerful than we know....

The first step to tapping that power is letting go of believing we are still powerless. 

Letting go of the blame?

Meant I'd have no one to blame.

Get it?

To say it another way....

When I let go of the idea that something was "wrong" with me....

I had to  look at "ok then - well why am I so f*****d up?"

Of course!

Its my parents/husband/wife/kids/job/boss/therapist/the mailman, the milkman....I got fired, I was mugged, I was....

When there was no one to blame for why I was in such pain...

I had to go through the pain.

I could no longer avoid it. 

When I had no one else to blame...

I had to also become responsible.

What?

No - not responsible for what others have done that hurt me.

Responsible to learn how to deal with that hurt in a new way.

Learning how to let go of the childlike way of blame and hoping someone would rescue me, pay attention to me, understand me....

It became a truth that set me free...

Learning how to be responsible for myself to go through the pain instead of hanging onto it. 

(Deep breath here...)

I had to learn how to let go of the past...

that I could enjoy my today

and create my tomorrow. 



And the miracle?

Was that in learning to heal myself and "be the change" I wanted to see in the world?

I began to see things change in the world around me. 

Hard work; I get that and I'm feelin' it.

I'm right there with ya. 

You can do this. 

Be-come the creator of your own "best life". 

It is never too late. 

Always,

Susan:) 


Here are some other posts from the archives that talk a bit more about the how behind finding my healing and making it ok to let go of the past in order to begin creating my future. 

Fighting Forgiveness - the how behind finding the path to forgiveness and my new understanding that forgiveness was about me - not them. 

No Longer a Victim and Much More than a Survivor - an excerpt: This is the place where I give responsibility to those who let me down...and take responsibility for becoming the creator of my own "best" life.

Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men an excerpt: And this was the place where I began to understand that as we begin to become the change we want to see in the world - that the world will begin to change.

It Wasn't Me. An excerpt: I was able to understand the difference between understanding that my past life experiences were the reason my life was f***ed up and...using my past as a reason why it is still f***ed up.

"story"? Or "Story"?  An excerpt: It was in shifting my Story to be about me, my anger at being violated, my power and my choice taken from me, to feel both the anger and the grief, to tell why this was important to me that I was able to move myself into, through and out of the healing process and give meaning to the backstory by telling MY story.


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Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!