When We Don't Have "Helpful Help"

From a Facebook note I posted recently….

Not everyone has a supportive network to "help" them; in particular when community, friends and family do not support our chosen path and are often part of the pattern of dysfunction that keeps us feeling helpless and hopeless. Of necessity some of us must learn to figure out how to heal our lives on our own. The good news is that even then we are not really "alone" because the Universe always brings us the teachers we need in order to learn the lessons we need. The thing is to learn to be the student who is ready. 

Survivors of early life drama, trauma and dysfunction often struggle with the idea that we "need" someone to "help" us find our way. 

And - this is a very NORMAL place to be because in the drama, trauma and dysfunction we often did not learn how to see ourselves as capable. 

In fact many of us learned that we were incapable to effect change in our lives because our power was taken from us early in our lives. 

We grew up believing a big, fat lie that told us we are not good enough and will never be able to do anything right enough. 

So - it can be a bit of a challenge over-riding that old programming but the biggest part of that challenge is learning to recognize when I was "there" by checking, challenging and changing the story I was telling myself about whatever the challenge I was facing was. 

1. Was I focused on what I "had no choice" about? Was I "feeling" powerless? Did I "feel" hopeless? 

The truth is that as a child - I did not have a choice about pretty much anything. Life happened to me, things were done to me and for me; but I never had a choice. I learned to tolerate the intolerable; I developed a very high threshold for being mistreated so the lesson became learning to recognize when something "felt bad" so I could choose to leave those situations instead of trying to "work it out". 

I learned to recognize when I was feeling hopeless and that in turn helped me to recognize when I was feeling helpless/powerless and this helped me to find my hope by finding my power. 

I learned to recognize and utilize the support and resources I DID have and trust that I would have WHAT I needed WHEN I needed it. 

I learned to remind myself that feeling powerless is far different than actually being powerless. 

2. Was I feeling as though I had the answers for everyone else? Did I know exactly what others needed to do (yet struggled with knowing what to do for myself and my life)? Did I believe that in order for my distress to stop - others had to abide by my expectations? 

Learning to let go and let life unfold naturally was easier said that done at first. But in time and as I learned to recognize that I was taking on things that were not mine to take on - I found I was better able and prepared to deal with my own things. 

All in all - the lesson I learned that became a truth that set me free?

The lessons that enabled me to see that I was all I needed? 

Was when I realized that I already hold all the knowledge I need within me by way of the universe/inner wisdom/still small voice that lives within each of us and - that by becoming open to recognizing the struggles I faced in my life as my teachers?

I became the "student who was ready". 

Tip: learn to ask "what is the lesson I need to learn here" when things feel unmanageable, difficult or overwhelming. Practice going deep within for your answers instead of looking for that knight in shining armor on the white horse to rescue you. 

We don't have to wait to "hit bottom" to figure this out but of course sometimes that is the lesson we need in order to learn this.

A list of related posts on being the student who is ready can be found here and learning to use feelings of overwhelm to guide our path here. 

Is this easy? 

Not at all. 

Was it worth it?

Absolutely.

You go. :)

Best always, 

Susan

Tip: choose one thing instead of many things to work on and when this has become your new "normal" - choose another. 

Baby steps each day gets us where we want to go but thinking about all we should do? Often prevents us from getting anything done. 

ONE thing. 

As It Goes…

So, as it goes, things change. Life is an evolution and for me a marvelous, exciting and sometimes challenging experiment.

I've been writing here at A Journey since April 6, 2009 where I began to chronicle my journey out of the darkness  and into the light after a lifetime of seeing myself as a victim who had "no choice" and realizing in this amazing journey that I no longer had to live as a victim and that there was life far beyond "recovery" and survival. 

Then for awhile my path shifted and as the student who tries to be ready, I found myself drawn to other adventures like creating the Empowering Solutions page and podcast.

I tried my hand at guest blogging at a few places and was able to contribute on some issues that are very dear to my heart like the abuse and dysfunction many of us come from  , finding our own path to personal empowerment  and sharing a bit of my story as it relates to how I experienced the nearly 2 decades of my life when I was told by doctors that I had a brain disease, was ill and would need "medication for life" and the resulting years of protracted withdrawals when another doctor decided I no longer needed them as a trauma survivor. (NOTE: NEVER let a doctor tell you that you can "just stop" these drugs; this is very dangerous. I was fortunate to have the tenacity to go through this and come out the other end ok; many are not able to tolerate the impact of cold turkey or even a short taper. Get informed to be empowered - you can start here if you need resources.)

I wrote about how I came to choose a new paradigm for myself and this has led to my coming to terms with realizing that I had never been "sick" and that it was the drugs I was being given that actually was the source of the symptoms that seemed to get worse instead of better, even though I was following "doctors orders" to the letter.

As time went on my focus shifted to healing myself and my psyche from the damage of being told I was "ill" and the realization that I am not what they told me I was and had been so terribly harmed and made ill by those I trusted with my health and my life; my doctors and those I sought out for support and help in my journey.

In following the inner drive to make meaning of these experiences, in time I found myself shifting my focus from this blog to the Facebook platform where I have met hundreds and thousands of amazing people on their own individual journey's.

Here I found a camaraderie of persons who have experienced their own journey to well being in many different ways. To each of you - I am in awe of your strength and courage and in complete gratitude that somehow our paths have crossed. In support of those who have wondered about the use of psychiatric drugs I created a workshop and website and was invited to contribute a chapter on using the internet and social media to find support.

Time moved on and I was seeming to lose my voice, I was unclear to my path and my purpose and realized along the way that in order for me to regain my footing and clarity that it was vital that I stop trying to create new things and start focusing on letting go of the old so I could embrace the new. 

So here we are.

It's nearly autumn 2014 and my journey is again changing directions as I focus on continuing to reclaim my health, create my best life and rediscover my voice.

I don't have a clear vision of what my path is just yet - but I do have a desire again to write now and then so - stay tuned; my hope is that we will continue to travel this path together.

Namaste.

May you be well, be happy and live in peace.

Susan

When Things Are Changing

As things go - when something is not "flowing" I have to pause. 

In the past - I would have looked "outside" of myself to try to discover what I could do to "fix" things. 

I would work harder.

Push harder. 

I might even try "blaming" something or someone for why things are not working aka "flowing" the way they have in the past. 

Yet - one of the life lessons I have learned as I committed to being the student who is ready…?

Is that when things are not working - I've learned….

That working harder won't make it work better.

That pushing harder - only makes it harder. 

I've learned to let go that I can see what remains, what might come back and…

What new thing might emerge.

I've known and felt for some time that as much as I have loved writing here at A Journey and sharing on twitter and at the Empowering Solutions page on Facebook and the podcast at Blog Talk Radio…

I've felt a sense of discontent that if I ignore it only leads to more discontent.

A good friend and my own Life Coach has helped me to see that when things are not "working" that the Universe is trying to direct me to some sort of change. 

For the past many months I have felt that I was to let some things go…

In order to be ready to receive what might be next for me in my Journey.

If you are on my mailing list here then you will receive any future updates from there as well as by subscribing here (to the left) for blog post updates.

So - once again…

I'd like to say that This Blog Is Not Dead….and encourage you to visit the archives here at A Journey, at the Facebook Empowering Solutions page here and the Blog Talk Radio podcast here. 

Thank you for your continued engagement and encouragement to continue doing this work that is not work - I am always so grateful to hear your stories and testimonies of how A Journey and Empowering Solutions have impacted your life. 

Susan:)

No One Could Empower Me - But Me

Changing how I viewed myself cleared the way for me to change my life

Recently I posted this at the Empowering Solutions Community page on Facebook:

I found an empowering solution in understanding that no one could "empower" me - but me. 

Learning to recognize my dependence on others to provide me with my answers enabled me to begin to see that the reason I was still "stuck" was because I was constantly seeking from others to tell me what was "wrong" with me and then expecting them to somehow be able to tell me how to "fix" this thing that was "wrong". 

When I shifted from this to understanding that being and feeling empowered was about "learning" - is when I began to feel empowered to create the kind of change that would change my life. 

I learned that learning about myself and how my life experiences had shaped who I was and how I engaged with the world and those in it - was very different than seeking from someone else to define what was "wrong" with me and then expecting them to be able to tell me how to "fix" myself. 

I learned that empowerment came from learning for myself about myself.

Lesson 1: Understanding that nothing was "wrong" with me 

This was a hard shift to make at first. 

This for the simple reason that we live in a world where we are taught to see ourselves as imperfect and needing to be "fixed". And - there are plenty of people who know exactly what we need to do to do that fixing. 

The solution for me then was not in trying to change the world around me but in learning to change how I viewed myself and the world....

through the eyes of learning rather than fixing. 

Know you ARE enough. 

K?

When I began to see life as my "teacher" instead of my "problem" ...

I became the student who was "ready". ~ #zebism

In lavish affection and admiration of your magnificence!

Susan

~

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Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!


 

Trauma is trauma and healing is healing; learning to create my "best life"

Photo Credit

From the Empowering Solutions Community page recently....

Trauma is trauma. It's our stories that are unique. Thus, believing my trauma was worse than or less than someone else's left me hopeless for healing. I found an empowering solution in learning to let go of the details that kept me stuck and using them to find my solution in the emotional healing process of shifting from that rumination where I was the perpetual victim to resolution where I became my own hero.


The similarities of our experiences is how we find support and validation...in the sharing of our stories.

But when I was stuck in only telling my story over and over

and over

to others who were simply telling their stories over and over

and over...

I was stuck in my pain and the "symptoms" of the normal emotional and cognitive/mental distress that comes with being a

trauma survivor.


I had sought "therapy" for many many years only to be told that my trauma experiences were so devastating, so extensive, so ingrained into my person that I would never

ever

find healing.


It was when I was able to understand that there was indeed a normal human emotional healing process that was applicable to every single one of my trauma experiences. And while I understood that I would not be who I might have been had I not been traumatized, violated, manipulated, oppressed and abused...

But 

I could be

all I can be today and tomorrow...

and I began to understand that as things came up for me in my healing journey

it was not necessary to heal it

all

at the same time....

But the task was to know how to heal

at all. 

It was in the going through

that I finally got out of

the pain

the darkness

the misery

that was surviving.

I wanted more.

I wanted to live

and I finally understood that it is

never

never 

too late.

I discovered that it is completely possible to learn to no longer be that perpetual victim of life

but that I could learn to create

my best life.

From the archives....


There is only one hero.... and its you:)

Be Your Own Hero  An excerpt..."I can never become what I was meant to be when I am looking for what might have been."

Please sit with me and listen "The key is to tell not to those who are naysayers or those who have all the answers. But to sit with one who can sit with both our anger and our joy."


When the student is ready... The gist of this one..."This is that place where I was the student that was ready - and willing to take the action - and my teacher always came."


In love and admiration for your determination to no longer be a victim, live far beyond survival and discover your own


best life. :)


SusanKs

You can join us at the Empowering Solutions Community page for daily bites of brilliance for the journey by clicking here:) 

This is How We Do It...the "Hard Work"

…by putting one foot in front of the other

I frequently am asked "how did you do this? How do I heal? How do I let the past no longer control my today? How do I get past this pain that never leaves me?"

Today I wanted to share a post that I wrote last year that was a storyboard of the path and process I followed to do the "hard work" of my healing journey.

Go here to read this post. There are quite a few links I'd like to invite you to click on and follow...each picture or soul collage has its own page and story behind it. There is also some Poetry and other examples of expressive work that I used to facilitate my journey from there where I lived in that dark place to here where today I live in the light:) 

What's the "hard work"?

Its the work in which I willingly entered into the pain of the past to finally experience it in a state of conscious awareness instead of avoiding it...and trust that I will survive it.

Its that place where I had acknowledged that the coping mechanisms where I was "acting in" or "acting out" that had protected me in the midst of the pain but no longer were serving me well as it had become the proverbial ball and chain that interfered with my ability to run the race or live my "best life".

Its that place where I learned how to no longer be a victim and desired to live far beyond survival. 

Its that place where I stopped avoiding triggers to cope and manage them and I began seeing them as the teacher that had shown up - because I was now the student who was ready.

Its that place where I realized that the only way out of this pain...

was to go through it

that I might finally 

live beyond it. 

Heres that link again where you can read this post and view its many links here:Whoops! I Did it Again! Using Creativity...

 Seek Knowledge, find Wisdom, live your Truth!

Life Lessons and Zebra's

Zebra Long Wing Butterfly

Photo Credit

Life Lessons from a Butterfly

let go of the past
trust the future
embrace change
come out of your cocoon
unfurl your wings
dare to get off the ground
ride the breezes
savor all the flowers
put on your brightest colors
let your beauty show

— Author Unknown

Over at Zebra Sounds Judy got me thinking about the life lessons that we learn from our life experiences.

You see - in the past I had believed the lie that I was the cause of all things bad in my life...so it was pretty impossible for me to see my life experiences from a positive perspective of life lessons.

So today I wanted to throw out there the idea that when we can begin to see ourselves as separate from others and life circumstances we become free to be that "student who is ready"...

Here are a few life lessons I've been picking up on lately....

1. When I stop trying to figure it out I usually figure it out:)

2. Insomnia is usually caused by #1

3. Eyes really are the window to the soul

4. Every behavior is an expression of an emotion; every emotion is the expression of a thought

5. I don’t have to know it all or do it all when I simply do my best

6. Multitasking is the cause of insanity:)

Q: What are some life lessons you've had lately?

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Accepting Peace

Photo Credit

When we cannot accept our suffering we cannot accept peace either. Resisting our trials and struggling against them, holding ourselves closed in resistance, poised for battle we are blocking the peace that comes when we can open ourselves to and embrace not the pain in itself but the acceptance of the experience as a life lesson that has become our teacher. ~ A Zebism

This thought stemmed from a conversation with a friend who is experiencing some terrible pain and aguish…and caused me to ask the question "why do I not feel as though I am suffering"... the cognitive and emotional distress that I once did that was the impetuous for the many "diagnosis" I wore those years I was seeking my answers from the mental health providers.

And it came down to this zen-like idea of "acceptance".

In western style thinking it was "letting go of why" and making that mind-shift to ""it is" and it is something that I cannot control or change".

This is where that change happened for me.

Check back tomorrow to see the note I posted in my Facebook account titled "Paying Homage To The Past" and how letting go of being "mad at the world" freed me to grieve the losses of a lifetime.

In the meantime - check this article out over at Urban Monk about the denial and acceptance of suffering….and compassion.

And may the light shine for you today that you may find peace in your pain.

Namaste.

Another post you may enjoy -"I became the student who was ready" and this one from my tumblr blog "be dorothy do a nike" about that leap of faith it takes somedays.

Q: What is it that influences your level of peace when you are experiencing the suffering of emotional or cognitive (thoughts) symptoms of distress?

When the Student is ready, the Teacher will come

Mondays; argggg, I hate Mondays...

You can see the post I wrote a few months ago about Monday's here.

So what's this got to do with anything?

Well....it's Monday. :)

And for me it's back to basics day.

As I've been meandering around, meeting and greeting others and carrying on the discussion about healing from past trauma there's been something in the back of my mind. Couldn't put my finger on it before but I think I've found what I was looking for.

In the beginning this blog was based on a conversation that Michele (Heal My PTSD) and I were having on her blog post dated January 2009 titled How to Tap your Inner Hero. Our conversation was on the "how" behind learning to live in the moment and leave the past behind...

In This Moment is a post I wrote last year on that "lightbulb" moment when I realized that I could change my life...simply by changing my mind.

Giving Up is Not an Option is another earlier post on how I arrived at this insight and the awareness that living in the past held a price...

In the end, this journey is all about how we choose to spend our moments. The hard part is finding the path that will take us there.

The problem that I see and have seen over this journey of mine is not that we are an incapable population - in fact, quite the opposite - as survivors of trauma who have chosen to do the hard work of healing and finding our way out of that dark place, we are the most resourceful persons on the face of this earth I believe.

The problem in my mind is that we have been taught to focus on "doing" in this journey rather than learning how to "be" in our own time and space and to "be" ok. Unwittingly, we have been guided down a path that has taught us to avoid our pain in various ways rather than learn to embrace it and go through the process of emotional healing.

I spent years losing my "now" to attempting to "figure out" how to "do" whatever it was that I was supposed to be doing to "get better". I had the "diagnosis" - "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" - but the focus was never on learning how to go through the natural grief process to reclaim or find that part of me that was buried deep within the emotional distress and deep seated belief of helplessness to change my circumstances.

The focus was on "doing" to the exclusion of "being".

And this is where I find myself today. Returning to the original purpose of this blog. Finding a way to share the path I have taken to pull myself out of the mire of the past and beginning to live "in the moment". That only one true thing that exists; the "now".

Because that is where I have found the peace lies. Learning to live in "now" and how to "let go" of those thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are no longer bringing me a peaceful "now".

So today I decided to pay attention to the unrest I have been feeling instead of trying to avoid it or cover it up with more "busy work" or creating my own "daytime drama" as often happens when I get lost ruminating over solving problems that are not mine to begin with. I decide to get back to the basics of living in my now and trusting that by doing so, I am laying the foundation for my best life tomorrow.

And while it is easy for me to engage in the many life issues that come up each day - especially those surrounding the issues we face in our healing journey's, I find myself returning to Micheles orginial question to me from that post How to Tap Your Inner Hero....how did I learn to live in the moment?

And still, nearly a full year later, the best answer that I have found to this question is that living in the moment is a simple concept although not always an easy one to apply.

It is not about "doing", although "doing" is a part of this process as we put one foot in front of the other and learn to walk in this new way. At the same time it is learning about "being". It is the path we are each on that will provide us our own answers in our own time.

In other words...as long as we are searching, inquisitive and open...we will be ready to receive answers that will guide us down our chosen path where we can all create a live our best life each day.

And it started with simply becoming aware of the "story" behind the language I was using like telling myself that I loved Monday's. That Monday's were the best day of the week...that Monday's were a new start for another opportunity to create the life of my choosing. Another 1,400 minutes and opportunities to turn things around, to change my life and step back on my new path - the now.

And then as I became aware of those opportunities to change my story and language at the same time I changed that "backstory" in my mind of how "Monday"s sucked".

This is that place where I was the student that was ready - and willing to take the action - and my teacher always came.

Every time since.

And every time still.

Photo credit is here.